On one hand, Jessica and her team had an opportunity to partake in many of the traditional beauty regimes of women in Thailand. Jessica said that she is searching for true beauty and is hoping that experiencing all of these different traditions and regimes will help. On the other hand, they were introduced to a woman whose skin was completely deformed by the creams that she was encouraged to use in order to lighten her skin. Jessica felt so badly for her and through tears tried to encourage her to keep her head held high and trust that things will be ok.
Then she immediately moved on in her search to find real beauty. And I found that to be seriously disturbing. . . because the lesson that we should learn from women like the one whose skin was completely destroyed in the pursuit of beauty (according to her own culture's standards) is that maybe pursuing beauty isn't exactly a healthy pursuit.
This whole issue of beauty and how we try to comfort those who are insecure has bothered me for years. When I was in college I went to a seminar for girls who struggle with insecurity and body image issues. I was really excited about it, until about 5 minutes in. The speaker was a young Christian woman who had struggled with eating disorders and insecurities for several years. Her story was powerful, but there was one really enormous elephant in the room that made it difficult to allow her story to change my life. She was beautiful. She was actually a beauty queen (a pageant girl), and her clothes and makeup and hairdo make me feel completely inadequate. I left that seminar feeling more self conscious that I did when I walked in. I wasn't listening to what she said about beauty, I was analyzing the ways that she made herself beautiful.
So here is the rub. We tell girls not to worry about being beautiful, but we're hypocrites because we worry about it too. We say it is ok to look nice as long as it doesn't become too consuming or trump our desire to please God, but I think this mixed message is doing more damage for some girls than good.
You know what I would love to see? I would really love to go to a seminar for girls on body image issues and have the speaker be totally average according to this world's standards. I would love to see someone standing up there in a t-shirt and jeans with no makeup. . . How awesome to see the self confidence of a woman who can truly say that she has given up the search for beauty and replaced it with the search for Christ.
If you want to make a list of the hypocrites in the Christian world who want to say those things but struggle to lay aside the beauty search you can put me at the top of the list. I'm not saying all of this because I am so spiritually mature that I don't struggle with it. I just know deep in my heart that if we want to convince young women to stop destroying themselves in an attempt to be more beautiful, then we have to actually stop doing it to ourselves and trying to cover it up or play it down.
Beauty comes from within. It comes in all shapes, sizes and colors. It comes in many forms that our culture might reject, but that God made out of intimate love and grace. A few months ago I blogged about not wearing makeup. You know, that isn't such a bad idea. We could all stand a little less obsessing about ourselves. . . and then when we're in the grocery store and we run into a young girl we know from church, or school, or work who is struggling with her appearance and feeling unpretty. . . well, maybe she'll find a little relief in knowing that we don't always look perfect either.
It isn't inherently wrong or sinful to wear make up or be beautiful. But I do think that for those of us who are mentors and examples for young women trying to walk with God, we need to remember that they watch us more than they listen. They will know what we value most by looking at our lives and how we present ourselves. I don't just want to tell them that they are beautiful no matter how God uniquely made them. I want to convince them that it is true by living my life in such a way that exemplifies this kind of attitude.
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 1 Peter 3:3-4Less of me, more of Jesus. I think that is the right answer for just about every issue we face, isn't it?
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