Today, I'm sharing the ugly.
Brace yourselves.
February 21, 1996
Hey - waz up? Well, major update time. The Monday after the Winter Dance _____ asked me out. At first I was mad because I was just going to forget about him. But, of course, I said yes. We went out for a month and the relationship went NO WHERE!! He's a freak, so I dumped him. Oh well, life goes on!!
_____ & _____ are still yucky. I'm just going with the flow. I'm trying to not let the things they do bug me so much. _____ & _____ & I are really close - that's cool. And _____ is HOT! Maybe dorky, but HOT, so uh. . . . whatever!
You know what I think when I read that entry? Man, that girl was awful. I cannot believe the venom in my own words; how easily I belittled the people in my life. Ugh - makes me sick!
But do you know the truth of where those words came from?
They came from the heart of an incredibly insecure and frightened young girl.
I had fallen for one of the world's greatest lies; one that I shared with you in that post called Worldy Nuggets of Wisdom. . . one that I thought might help me deal with my intense insecurities.
Lie #6: Don't worry about it! You're not as lame as ______ .
I was cutting down the people in my life to make me feel better about myself. I spoke harsh, unloving words in an attempt to boost my own ego. The sad part is, I know that some of that venom was spoken out loud, aimed at the individuals who were threatening my feelings of acceptance. . .
Having traveled down this road toward the world's solution for insecurity, I can confidently tell you 2 things: it isn't the truth, and it doesn't work.
I didn't feel better about myself at the end of that year. I felt worse.
God's solution for insecurity it quite the opposite of this. Instead of tearing others down we boost others up. Instead of worrying about our own placement on the scale of social acceptance we depend on our ultimate acceptance in Christ. We know that we will never be good enough, and we rest in the knowledge that His good is enough for us.
We are not surprised when people reject us, or make fun of us. . . on some level, we expect it. And when it happens, we rejoice that we were counted worthy of suffering for the sake of Jesus.
Well, that is how it is supposed to work. I haven't mastered it yet. I still stumble when it comes to placing all of my self worth and confidence in Christ. . . But I'm closer than I was when I was 15.
And I'm happier than I was when I was 15.
Because no matter how hard it is to make the right choices and live out the truth that we all ultimately know exists, living the truth is the only thing that can ever bring us everlasting joy and peace.
Take a step today towards rejecting this lie. If you are faced with an opportunity to put someone else down - no matter how much you think they deserve it - choose to lift them up instead. Look to others as better than yourself.
You won't regret it.
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