In a Fog

It has been a while since I have sat down at this computer to process life with you all. There seem to be about 100 reasons why, but mostly I think my brain feels mushy. And when my brain feels mushy there isn't much sense in trying to say anything meaningful - at least not on the world wide web where everyone will get to experience the ridiculous mushiness firsthand.

You see, life is moving so fast; each day seeming to go faster than the one before it. I think that is probably normal when facing big transitions, but it has surprised me none the less. I am usually the type of person who analyzes life daily and deeply. I am constantly processing the circumstances I am facing and determining the state of my heart and relationship with Christ in the midst of it.

Right now, though, I feel like I'm in a little bit of survival mode. I am plodding along through each day, trying to do my best to prepare my family and friends for the transition that is about to take place. I am praying that God would work out the details and trusting that He is in control. And in that prayer I think I am starting to understand why I feel mushy and unable to analyze my life in this transition right now.

I am not in control.

I don't have a clue what is going to happen, how its going to feel, or what the long term effects will be. I've never done this before. I don't really know what I'm doing.

Yet, somehow, I'm not too worried about my complete lack of control. I know that as long as I'm searching desperately for God's face in the midst of the packing and goodbyes, well, then I'll be okay. We will all be okay.

This is the power and beauty and wonder of the Christian life. It is an adventure that at times seems safe and at times seems more dangerous than we would have ever dreamed. I don't want to be afraid of those dangerous times, because I truly believe that it is when we are willing to follow Christ even into the danger zones we experience the power and presence of God in the most amazing ways.

I have no idea what the coming days and weeks will bring; I can't begin to guess how it will feel or what I will learn. But I do know that so long as we keep running after Jesus we'll be stronger and wiser and closer to Him in the end.

I'm still a little mushy, but I haven't fallen off the map altogether. Maybe once all is said and done I'll be able to process the lessons from this season of life a little more deeply. . . or maybe not. Maybe a year from now I'll still be looking back wondering how it all happened, and simply acknowledging the fact that even when I am mushy and confused, He has the whole world in His hands.