One Scary Suitcase

I'm still afraid of the dark. I really love that my kids like to sleep with the bathroom light on, because it casts a soft glow into our room as well, and the light makes it much easier for me to sleep peacefully. When I was younger I would actually get so scared of the dark that I'd lay in bed motionless for hours. I was too afraid to move; sometimes even too afraid to yell out for my mom and dad. In college I went on a 9 week trip to Rome and spent a night laying awake, sweating in sheer terror over what turned out to be the metallic handle of my suitcase glimmering in the moonlight.

I thought I'd be over those kinds of fears when I was the "mom" in the house. I assumed that adulthood brought with it an unwavering confidence and assurance that would wash away the silly fears of childhood. I mean, seriously, I know that there is not actually a monster under my bed or an alien in my closet (or a serial killer hiding in my suitcase), so what is the big deal?

Unfortunately, my fear of the dark is not the only fear I brought into adulthood with me. I also managed to bring along the very real fear of what others think of me. If I'm going to be honest here, I have to admit that I often become paralyzed with hurt and disappointment when I think someone is upset with me. I become consumed, analyzing every detail of the situation, imagining that the other person is thinking and believing all sorts of awful things about me. . .

The funny thing is, I thought I'd be over those kinds of fears when I was the "mom" in the house. I assumed that adulthood brought with it an unwavering confidence and assurance that would wash away the silly fears of childhood. I mean, seriously, I know that the opinions of the people around me are meaningless when I stand before Christ and feel the assurance of His love, so what's the big deal?

I don't know. I sure do wish I was over that fear, but somehow it seems to creep back into my heart every once in a while, as if just to prove that its still there. . . Do you ever struggle with the weight of other people's opinions? Do you ever feel paralyzed with fear over the disapproval of your friends?

I don't have all the answers when it comes to issues like this. I can hardly act like the expert in an issue that is so obviously still a thorn in my life. But there is one thing I do know: When we walk in the light of Christ's love, we have nothing to fear. NOTHING. Oh, the world will try to convince us that there is still plenty to be afraid of - and sometimes the world will win and fear will take hold of our hearts. . . But ultimately we can find unwavering confidence and assurance in Christ, and in His promise to walk beside us and live within us (Jn 14:27, Mt 28:20).

The next time one of us faces the fear of insecurity; the next time we are feeling paralyzed by the opinions and judgments of others, lets read Psalm 27 until we're blue in the face. . . or least until we begin to believe that the words are as true for us today as they were for David so many years ago.

The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid?
Psalm 27:1

I don't think David was expecting someone to answer him right here. I think he was being poetic; asking rhetorical questions that he then answered through out the rest of the psalm (which you should definitely read as soon as you're done reading this). . . but if he was standing here reading it aloud to me this morning, I think I'd be tempted to yell

NO ONE!

at the top of my lungs after each line. I don't think he'd mind. I'm pretty sure that's exactly the point he was trying to make.