There's a MONKEY in the choir!!

Have you ever noticed how embarrassing circumstances provide some seriously great material for spiritual analogies? Honestly, I should thank God daily for all of the dumb things I do and that happen to me because they result in some awesome "life lessons." Its been a long (L-O-N-G) time since I've posted anything, so I thought nothing could be more appropriate at this particular moment than reminding you of how ridiculous I am. In case you forgot. And then, of course, using my master weaving skills to turn my humiliation into a little nugget of spiritual wisdom for you to take away. . . =)

This particular story is set back in the fall of the year 2000. I was a music major at the University of Illinois' School of Music. I had transferred into the music program half-way through my sophomore year (because as an incoming freshman I was WAY to cool and rebellious to be a music major - more on that another day. . . ). As a result of this mid-year transfer - yes, I blame it completely on the transfer, not at all on my own lack of awareness - I did not realize that all music majors were supposed to be in an ensemble every semester.

I found out the following summer, and quickly signed up to try out for a choir in the fall.

Now - before I go on - there is something you need to know. I was a pianist. I felt fairly comfortable and confident in my ability to play the PIANO. I had absolutely ZERO confidence in my ability to sing. In high school I had a wonderfully informative choir director who graciously told me that "I was a great addition to a choir, but that I would never be a soloist." This is what they make the big money for: crushing little girls' dreams.

Anyway, auditioning for the choir at the School of Music was completely intimidating. There were basically two options: I would be placed in the University Chorus or the Women's Glee Club. The University Chorus was the "lower level" choir. The Glee Club consisted mostly of vocal music majors and non-music majors with amazing voices.

I was placed in the University Chorus. Not a huge surprise, mind you.

But there was a little problem. One of the classes I was taking had a pitifully low number of students. In fact, we had just enough students to keep the class going. When I found out that I had been placed in the University Chorus, and that the rehearsals conflicted with this class, I informed my TA that I would have to drop the class. He totally freaked out. If I dropped the class, the class would get canceled.

So, he approached the head of the vocal department and asked if they could make just one exception and let me be in the Glee Club so that his class wouldn't get canceled. The vocal guy decided that was just fine.

Do you know what that feels like? Having your dad pay the neighbor boy to take you to prom. Ugh.

Anyway, I show up to the first rehearsal feeling incredibly unworthy. I was pretty sure that someone would put a sign on my back that said I didn't belong and that I wasn't good enough.

Turns out the sign would have been completely unnecessary. I was given the wonderful opportunity to demonstrate my unworthiness all on my own. After getting all seated and comfortable the director informed us that we would each be taking a turn to stand and sing "My Country Tis of Thee" all by ourselves so that he could hear our voices and place us accordingly.

There is no way to describe how completely devastated I was. Girl after girl after girl arose to sing with such beauty, grace and ease. . . Their voices were amazing! They belonged here: I did not.

When it was my turn to sing I pretty much fell apart. I got about one note out, then started to laugh kinda awkwardly while I was singing. 60 girls stared at me like I was some kind of monkey. The director got angry. I felt like a complete loser.

Somehow I made it through that day. I have never felt more out of place and unworthy. At least it was official: everyone knew that I was somewhere I did not belong.

So sad, right? But enough about me. Lets talk about you.

Some of you have experienced these exact feelings in a very different setting. You have been made to feel completely unworthy, out of place, and undesirable not in a choir, but in a church.

You have this sinking feeling that you'll never be good enough.

You look around you at youth group and you see these girls who are so beautiful and graceful; girls who move through life with such ease. You feel awkward and out of place - kinda like a monkey in a choir.

If that is you, then brace yourself for some really, really, REALLY awesome news.

Every single one of those girls' dads payed the neighbor boy to take them to prom.

Ok, not really, but metaphorically speaking, you are no different than any one of them.

This is the beauty of the Christian life, girls! Every one of us has a Father who has declared that we are worthy - not because of our own goodness, but because of JESUS! Every single one of us falls short of the glory of God, and every single one of us has sin struggles that make us feel like we don't deserve a Savior.

But God's in charge, not us. And He has decided that there is no sin He cannot forgive; no stain He cannot wash clean; no girl He cannot redeem.

The body of Christ is not a selective choir - it is a hospital for sick, broken people.

If you walk into a youth room, or a sanctuary, or a conference center and feel a bit unworthy or out of place - welcome to the club, sweet girl!!! Not a one of us is there because we're worthy.

For those of you who are still feeling really bad for me, I've got some good news. It ended up being pretty fun to sing in the Women's Glee Club. Turns out singing with other girls who have amazing voices instilled a little confidence in me and helped me learn how to sing with greater grace, beauty, and ease. I also discovered that while my voice might be weaker than others, my ear is pretty functional. I didn't have the biggest vibrato, but I could tell when the altos were singing an F instead of an F#.

Girls - you will not all be lead singers in the worship band. You will not all lead a bible study or lead 6 friends to Christ.

We are all different and beautifully unique. The good news is that where you are weak, others are strong. . . where you are strong, others are weak. That is what makes God's family work. When we are all using our strengths, being mutually strengthened in our weaknesses, and giving God all the honor, glory and credit for the things we do well - then we experience life as it was meant to be lived!

The next time you are tempted to feel out of place or unworthy in the midst of the body of Christ, remember this: God has declared you worthy. So you just stand and sing your little heart out. . .

There are no monkeys in God's choir, after all. . .