Coincidence?

I was digging through books in my basement this afternoon. In my search for a particular book (which I never did find, by the way) I stumbled upon an old journal. As I flipped through the pages I was so encouraged to find a prayer that speaks to exactly where I'm at these days. Its funny that after 9 years I'm still praying the same things and struggling with the same issues. . . But I think it also reveals how God has been working in my heart all along. I have learned so much since I wrote these words. . . And my prayer is that wherever you are in your own journey, you would see God's faithful hand bringing you to places of greater understanding even amidst the battles you continue to fight (And before you go on - if you haven't read my post from yesterday, read that first!! It will shed a lot of light on the meaning of this).

So, from my journal on June 29th, 2000:

Holy Father,

Praise to you, God, for this glorious day! Thank you for creating this earth so beautifully. Thank you for music that we may worship you in song. Thank you for your undying love for me; your boundless mercy and your constant faithfulness. God I confess to you that I have been seeking confidence in the wrong places. I confess to you that I seek others' approval before yours. It is so easy for me to get wrapped up in the external. God, grow me in my character, teach me that that is what counts. I pray that you would teach me to hear your voice. Train me in the way of understanding. Lead me to truth and give me confidence in that. . .

(Umm, then I prayed for some stuff a little too personal for the world wide web). . .

God I ask that we may learn how to fear. Lord that we may be men and women who fear the Lord.

Proverbs 14:10-11, His pleasure is not in the strength of a house, nor his delight in the legs of man; the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.

God has answered this prayer 100 times over since June of 2000. I'm not perfect yet, but oh how much stronger is my faith and deeper my longing!! He has been faithful to show me what it truly means to fear Him - and even though I struggle to actually do it, I have been given the understanding I so desperately prayed for way back when!! I hope that I'm still praying this prayer - to throw off the chains of approval and seek to fear God above man - in 5o years!

And then when I'm 80 I can look back to this blog post and say,

"Oh, God has answered that prayer 1,000 times over since November of 2009. I'm not perfect yet, but oh how much stronger is my faith and deeper my longing!!"