I AM that crazy mom

Here I am! Alive and kicking and wading through each day as best I can. I have not lost contact with the world, though one might fairly assume that to be the case if you go by the frequency of my blog posts. The truth is that I have started a completely new season of my life and the adjustment time is taking a little longer than I had anticipated. I am now a mom of school aged children, and four mornings a week I have to have us all out the door and in the car by 8am. Amazingly, we've succeeded each morning we've tried so far. And in a lot of ways, I am absolutely loving the structure and routine that school provides.

The unfortunate reality is that I am no longer able to sit at the computer for an hour before the kids arise to articulate the depth of my thoughts on everything in life. I'm going to have to find another time to write.

And the truth of the matter is that I don't have much to say. It isn't that life is going wrong, or that I am disconnect from my Maker and Savior, or that I am struggling with any particular area of life. Quite the contrary, I am feeling incredibly blessed and encouraged in my faith; I am seeing God's hand move in amazing ways every day to provide for our needs and sustain us. This has been a fabulous season so far. . .

But for some reason, I'm having a hard time articulating any one particular thought. I have started to write at least 3 different posts, but none of them have ever seen completion. Today, however, I feel pretty strongly that I need to share what God is teaching me now. To do that, though, I need to share a thought I had the other day while shopping:

Matt and I had traveled down to Illinois to spend the weekend with his parents and my mother-in-law was watching the kids so that I could run some errands. I was in a store all on my own when I heard the unfortunate sound of a screaming child. I actually thought to myself, "Oh, Lord, thank you so much for giving me children who don't ever scream in stores or throw fits in public. It must be so difficult for women whose kids misbehave."

No, I'm not kidding - I actually thought that.

I am not going to get into the whole story of the events that followed culminating in my child shrieking through Marshall's and me throwing his shoes in the trash, but only remind you of that little saying pride comes before the fall, and let you know that I was swiftly kicked off my arrogant horse and reminded that neither my children nor me are perfect. As I carried my screaming child out of the store yesterday I suddenly had a revelation:

I am that crazy mom.

You see, sometimes its easy for me to get so comfortable in my little life that I forget that I am just as much a part of this fallen world as everyone else. I am just as desperately in need of God's wisdom, grace, and patience to get me through each day as my neighbor.

This morning I was praising God for His forgiveness and the truth that His mercy is new every morning. I am a sinner, not a saint. I will stumble and fall, but God's hand will lovingly pick me up, dust me off, and set me on my way again.

Hopefully I've learned a little lesson along the way here. Next time I pray that I'll handle the meltdown with more wisdom and discernment than I did yesterday. . . But in the in between time - from now until another fit comes - I hope that I'll remember to acknowledge in humility that none of us are defined by our meltdowns (or apparent lack of meltdowns) anyway; we are defined by our relationship to and dependence on the Creator and Sustainer of our souls.

I may be that crazy mom - but on a much more significant and eternal level,

I am that child of God.

Thank you, Jesus. . .