A Brand New Day

I finally figured it out. I am completely convinced, and in this new sense of understanding I am finding an immense amount of joy and peace. I finally get what is going on. You see, ever since we moved this summer I have been struggling to write anything on this blog. You've probably noticed.

And I keep making these other excuses; saying its the new morning routine, or the adjustment period from moving and starting life all over. Those things might have a small part - a very small part - in creating this inability (and honestly total lack of motivation) to write. But there is something much bigger going on here, and now that I understand, I think its time to make a change.

Are you ready for it?

Here it goes. . . The last 2 years have been a whirlwind in my faith. I have been growing and learning and stretching like no other time in my life. I have come face to face with my Savior, and in moments of total surrender and abandon I have finally begun to learn what it truly means to walk with Him. To walk for Him. To walk like Him.

And in the midst of that crazy growth there were a lot of rough places challenging my new convictions and denying my heart's understanding. I was in a place where I felt finally freed, and I wanted desperately for others around me to see and taste what I was learning. But it was difficult, and I felt like a lone disciple standing on top of a hill crying out for someone - anyone - to listen, and understand. There were friends standing beside me crying out with the same voice; the same passion. Together we formed an incredible bond because we were experiencing the same friction from rubbing up against these rough places with the convictions filling our hearts.

It was wild.

And when I started this blog my original intentions to encourage young girls in my life were quickly abandoned. This place became an unloading dock for my passionate cries to those in my midst and the rough places I faced. This was where I came to voice what I felt Jesus was calling me to do. This was a place where I could confront the beliefs and actions of good-hearted people who had forgotten what it really looked like to follow Jesus.

This blog was my bullhorn, and the life of Christ was my battle cry.

But this funny thing happened when we picked up our little family and drove 4 and 1/2 hours away. I laid down my bullhorn, and my battle cry became a quiet conviction. You see, I'm not in a rough spot anymore. I don't feel like that lone disciple crying out on the hilltop. I am standing among a band of brothers whose voices are rising in unison, calling out to those in our midst together.

As a huge wave of peace has washed over me, I have lost the urgency in communicating the message that Jesus laid so heavily on my heart over the recent years and months and weeks.

I am so grateful to be in a place of like mindedness. But this, in many ways, has proven to empty my fingers of passionate words to type.

So where do I go from here? As I laid in bed last night processing this whole revelation, I thought maybe it was time to simply lay the Hill for Girls to rest. It was a fabulous experience; one that I will be forever grateful for. . . But I am tired of sitting at the computer trying to force something meaningful and passionate to appear on the screen. I can't force the Spirit to inspire me whenever I feel like I should post a blog.

But then I was praying this morning. Praying for 2 girls who have entered my life in the last few months that I love dearly already. . . girls who I worry about. I was praying and begging God to fill their hearts with a sincere desire to follow Jesus. And in that quiet moment with my Father I suddenly realized what I was supposed to do.

I'm picking up my bullhorn again. And the life of Christ is still my battle cry.

But it isn't about me anymore. It isn't about the rough places (or rough hearts) that are inspiring and challenging me to cry out. Its about the girls that God has placed right in front of me. It is time to start all over again; to remember why I started this blog in the first place.

So you'll probably notice a change in tone as I write in the coming days and weeks. I'm not promising that I'll write with any great frequency, just that when I do it will be out of a longing for these young treasures in my life to know and love Jesus. . . to understand what it actually means to live for Him. . . and to hopefully come to believe that the life He offers is worth sacrificing everything else.

Thank you to all of you who have read faithfully over the last year and a half, allowing me to put words to the emotions, struggles, joys, and lessons that have filled my life. I pray that God will continue to be at work in all of us, and that when we enter new seasons of life and lose the luster for the battle we've been fighting, that we would not lay down our bullhorn in surrender - but that we would open our hearts to the battle God has given us today.

One thing we know for sure; until the day Jesus returns this battle is not done.