This week our 6 year old son, Caleb, had to have surgery. It was a common procedure and we had plenty of reassurances from the doctor that everything would be fine. I was anxious anyway, of course, and spent the days before the procedure fretting over how it would all go. My greatest fear was for the moment when I would have to leave him to the care of the staff and watch him roll down the hall away from me.
Now - what would you imagine my response to be in that moment?
Did I pray over Caleb with Matt just as he was about to roll away?
Did I remind him that Jesus is always with him and that God was in control?
Was I silently praying in my heart as I smiled and kissed my sweet boy?
No. No. And. . . no.
What really happened? Well, I was desperately trying not to sob while I kissed his forehead and told him I'd see him after his nap. That's it. Nothing spiritual whatsoever.
In fact, it wasn't until we got out to the waiting room that I realized I hadn't really even thought about God in those precious moments. I suddenly felt this overwhelming guilt because we didn't even think to pray with him. I thought about what a great testimony that could have been to the nurses, and automatically gave myself a mental thumbs down for missing out on such a great opportunity.
My son was going into surgery, and I had forgotten God.
Awesome.
Thankfully I've had a little time to think about it over the last few days, though, and I have found a different perspective to take. . . so, here it goes:
Sometimes its easier to write deep, spiritual thoughts and analogies than it is to think them in the difficult moments of life.
Sometimes its easier to encourage someone else walking through hardship with the truth than it is to lean in on that truth when you're the one walking through hardship.
Sometimes its nice to imagine how spiritual you want to be in a given circumstance until you are in that circumstance, and you realize that spiritual is probably the last word anyone would use to describe you.
When you get to the end of a particularly difficult season in your life - or even just a difficult day - and realize that your spirituality has suffered and your mind was seemingly everywhere but centered on Jesus, I want to encourage you with this wonderful truth:
He is still there.
Even when we allow our circumstances to consume our hearts and minds, He is there.
Even when we forget to turn to Him - forget to cry out in moments of weakness or pain, He is there.
Even when we forget to pray with our little boy before he goes into surgery, God is right there with us - and with him.
There is not one moment of one day when He leaves us on our own or turns His back on us. In the midst of our struggles it can be hard to sense His presence. . . but often, in the days and weeks that come after, we can turn back and see with amazing clarity the beauty of His constant presence with us. We recognize His gentle hand guiding us, holding us, and protecting us. . . We realize He was always there.
It isn't always easy to see, but we can rest in the confidence that its true.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
If I make my bed in the depths,
you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
Psalm 139:7-10
Don't just skim over those words because you've read them a thousand times. Read them slowly, and with the firm conviction that they were actually written for you. We need to have truths like this cemented into our brains. We need them because we are fallen, frail human beings who will be constantly tricked into believing quite the opposite.
These last couple days home with Caleb have been awesome. I know that God was with us on Tuesday, and it is undeniable that He is here with us now.
I may have forgotten to pray in that moment; but under no circumstance will my God ever forget about me.
And that, my friends, is truly awesome.
Thank you for this. Amen!
ReplyDelete