Revival

Last year I experienced my own little revival. . . Matt and I joined a group of youth workers and missionaries from around the world in the ancient city of Jerusalem. It was unbelievable to see the places where Jesus was born, began his ministry, and worked miracles among the hurting and sick. The lessons I learned in Israel are the same lessons I have learned for years and continue to learn to this day. . . but the freeing work that God did in my heart during that particular trip will last for a lifetime. I could try to rewrite the power of those moments, but instead I'll just share some of the words I wrote during that time. . . from my journal in March, '08:

"I think this is what might be called a personal revival. . . an awakening of sorts. God, you are so faithful in how you work in our lives. I can see now how you were preparing me for this trip. Awakening my spirit to my insecurities, reminding me of my past. God, I want to give my whole self to you - totally unashamed and with great courage and confidence. You are the God was, who is, and who is to come. All things will bow down before you one day - even those who might now look down on me. But really, I shouldn't even need that reassurance! I must learn to trust you fully, living in faithful obedience, walking by the prompting of the Holy Spirit. Praise be to the One True God!! You have taken this girl, with what little I have to offer, and you have given me a heart that longs for you."

As I've mentioned before, I have suffered from intense insecurities my whole life. I have always known that God loves me and accepts me fully just as I am - but sometimes that hasn't felt like enough. . . I have still longed for the love and acceptance of others too. When we were in Israel, surrounded by these amazing, passionate ministry leaders, I felt small and insignificant. I felt self-conscious and worried about how they were perceiving me. And when I recognized those feelings in myself - I was horrified!! Here I was, sailing on the sea of Galilee, and instead of soaking in the power and joy of being there I was obsessing over what others thought of me!! Gross. . . But, thankfully, the story doesn't end there. I remember one particular day when we visited the baths outside of Jerusalem where Jesus healed a man. . . I was suddenly, completely overwhelmed with the understanding that Jesus could heal me too. And every piece of me wanted to crawl under the fence and lay down at the bottom of the empty pool. I wanted to close my eyes and imagine myself being healed by the God who came down as a man to live and die for me. It was amazing, freeing, and life-changing.

Obviously, I still struggle with insecurity. . . I have to choose every moment to have the right perspective. I have to continually dig into the word for reminders of Jesus' power in my life to heal me more every day.

He's not finished with me yet. . . and in case you're short on hope these days, just know that he's not finished with you yet either.

"I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free." Psalm 119:32