The Black Stallion

I really love following Christ. It is a journey filled with hope and assurance. God extended His grace to us when Jesus died on the cross - but that isn't the only form of grace that we receive as Christians. We also receive the Holy Spirit to guide us and speak for us when words will not come. Through the Holy Spirit we are given gifts to help build up and encourage the community of Christians in which we live. When I was in college my discipler told me that she believed I had the gift of prophesy. It sounds kinda strange (a little charismatic, yes?), but in practice it is just a very deep awareness of right and wrong. That does not mean that the person with the gift always does right, he or she just knows that it isn't right.

At first I wasn't sure what to think about it. I was mostly just thrilled that this woman who I so loved and respected thought I had a gift at all. . . but the more I have reflected on my life, I think she was right. From a young age I have had this crazy sensitivity to right and wrong. When I was in junior high I remember girls gathering around my locker and cheering because I had actually said a bad word. And even though such cheers were few and far between during those years of my life, I felt sick to my stomach for doing something that I knew was wrong. Now, I'm not really sure I understood why it was wrong at that point - but there was no doubt in my mind that is was.

I am so grateful for the deep desire that God placed in my heart to do right. It protected me from making so many mistakes as I was growing up. . . but to be totally transparent here - it is also really hard to be so aware sometimes. First, it is really hard for me to forgive myself when I mess up, because I feel like I know better. When I sin against my husband or my kids, its so easy for me to wallow in my guilt and allow it to consume me. And on the flip side of that coin, it can be difficult for me to forgive others. . . because I feel like they should know better too. (By the way, I hate to be this transparent because I know its tarnishing my perfect, glowing skin. . . =) But its truth. And I would rather you learn from my weaknesses than cover them up to make myself look better than I am).

So. . . I don't know. What do you do when you feel this overwhelming sense of right and wrong? How do you feel such strong convictions without clubbing people over the head as you ride by on your high horse? How do you communicate it in such a way that they will know and believe that your heart's desire is not to belittle them but to convey truth that will ultimately free them to walk as Jesus walked?

I don't think I know it all. I will never fully understand God's ways. But he has revealed himself to us in the Bible, and he has laid his commands on our hearts that we might follow him and there find the greatest peace, joy, and fulfillment. I'm not in the business of beating anyone over the head, but I believe that there is one universal truth, one universal God, and one universal path to finding peace with him.

And that path involves more than warming a pew on Sunday morning. . . more than tithing or serving or cleaning. Those are wonderful, necessary parts of the Christian life. But if that is all we do as Christians then we will quickly become bored with the mundane, routine, obligatory commitments we have made. We have to remember that Jesus called his disciples to follow him - in every way. . . we are to be lights in this dark world, bearing the image of Jesus himself.

I'm so grateful for God's grace to me. I'm so grateful for a heart that loves and longs for what is good and right. And I pray tonight that he would give me humility upon humility to see my own sinfulness (and then fully receive his forgiveness), extend grace to other sinners like me, and to communicate the truths he has laid on my heart in sincere and humble love.

I'm going to try and stay off the horse. But I'm not going to lay down my club. Instead of bopping you on the head I'll just swat you on the bum. . .