I'm up now

I made it! It is Friday night and my week of pure insanity is finished. I am sitting at my computer marveling at my pedicured toes, sipping my black orange tea, and thinking about all that this week entailed. If I was trying to present a lovely and wonderful picture of myself right now I'd focus on my wonderful achievements - how I sang and danced and led hundreds of children to Christ (well, that last part isn't even true, so I guess I wouldn't say it. . . but it sounds great doesn't it?). But, unfortunately I vowed to make this blog an honest portrait of a real life lived for Jesus. So, I have to admit that this week (though there were some small successes) I totally fell apart.

Its humbling to realize that at 29 years old I still don't have it all together. . . All it takes for this little girl to crumble is a little stress and a little exhaustion. When I feel that way, my fuse shortens to about 1 centimeter long. It doesn't take much for me to get angry, burst into tears, or find a way to justify spending money on myself. I know this is totally cliche and cheesy, but I think that weeks like these are just exactly what we need sometimes. If life was always good and perfect, if I always held myself together with great composure, it would be very easy for me to think that somehow I was the reason for my greatness. I think I'd start getting a little prideful and take credit for the successes and beauties in my life.

But when I have a bad week - when my fuse shortens to ridiculous lengths and my patience wears thin. . . then I remember that it is nothing and no one but Jesus who keeps me together in the first place. I am totally and completely dependent on Him and Him alone. I am so thankful that my God is a God who carries us through our difficult times, who is patient and tender with us when we are stressed, and whose Son walked the same path a hundred times and knows exactly what we are going through.

It was a great week. And although there were moments when my attitude was less than stellar, I am glad that it provided an opportunity to recognize once again my need for a Savior.

So then, since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.
Hebrews 4:14-16

I hope you feel the truth in those words. I hope you have experienced exactly the same comforting realization. Its ok if we stumble and fall - its how we respond in those moments that defines and displays what we really think of God. I was in the Black Chorus at the University of Illinois during college, and one particular song has stuck in my head for the 8 years since. I don't remember who its by - but it goes like this:

We fall down,
but we get up
We fall down,
but we get up
We fall down,
but we get up
For a saint is just a sinner
who fell down,

and got up.