Bedside Meditations. . .

I got the stomach flu this week. It was a rather unpleasant experience, as you would probably assume. I am still in recovery mode (but this morning finally able to drink a cup of coffee - hallelujah!!).

I don't know what happens to you when you're sick, but my brain turns to mush. I have a hard time creating coherent thoughts and I'm certainly not capable of writing any meaningful reflections. On days like these I feel a little disconnected - from the world, my friends, and sometimes even God. Quiet times (aka reading my bible and journaling) become a little difficult when I can't think. . .

But there is one thing that I cling to in moments like these. . . worship. It takes virtually no brain power to hit play on my Ipod and simply soak in the words that others have written about my God. The other night I was blasting Shane & Shane and was so very encouraged by a reference to 2 Cor. 4:7. In that verse Paul says,

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.

I laughed to myself while I was laying there - thinking that my jar of clay was looking particularly ridiculous that night. But how amazing to remember that its not about me. It doesn't matter if I have it all together or if I'm falling to pieces in my bed. God has chosen to show HIS mighty power in me and through me. . . and He doesn't mind that I'm broken - in fact, He uses that very brokenness to draw people to Himself.

And that is about as deep as it gets when this chick is sick. To tell you the truth, a lot of my most encouraging moments come from hearing the same truths I've believed for years in a context that makes them come alive in a new or different way.

So while I'm grateful the sickness is over, I'm also thankful for the opportunity to remember that God can (and will!) show His power through me no matter what sad state I'm in. . .

If you are in Christ, then you are a beautifully broken jar of clay too. . . praise Him today for the great privilege of shining His light through your brokenness!!

No Fear

Do you ever sense a disconnect between what you know and how you act? I mean, have you ever been totally convinced that something is true and then lived in such a way that looks like you doubt more than you believe?

For example, would it make sense to head to the school bus in snow boots and a parka if you believed the weatherman when he said that it was going to be 80 and sunny out? Maybe that isn't a very good example; weatherman aren't so dependable, after all. But you get the point. And I think we do this a whole lot more than we realize.

Last semester in bible study we went through The Truth Project with Dr. Dale Tacket (I don't really know how to spell his name - that's an honest guess). He had this fabulous quote that has stuck with me over the months. . .

Do you really believe that what you believe is really real?

And the follow up question to that would be this: Then why don't you live like it? See, we have this God who has given us everything we need for life. He loves us more than we could ever imagine and longs to drench us in His goodness. Do our lives reflect that we really believe that?

I can honestly say that sometimes I look like the girl in snow boots and a parka at the bus stop in 80 degree weather when it comes to how I live out my faith. I don't doubt that God has me in the palm of His hand and that He is concerned about the very details of my life; I think sometimes I just kinda forget.

In my forgetfulness, I worry. But worry is completely unnecessary and inappropriate when we remember who God is and how He loves us! Just think of Joshua in the Old Testament. He had to lead a rather large group of people who were annoyed and annoying most of the time into fierce and crazy battles that seemed impossible to win. Did Joshua have reason to worry? Oh yeah, I think he did. But what did God say to him?

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

Our God is big enough and strong enough to handle any and every circumstance we face. And in case you are about to respond with "that's lovely Erin, but I'm not Joshua," let me remind you that God has promised each one of us the same thing.

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:19-20

If God is with us, what else do we need? This very day let's start living like we believe it! Let's lay aside our worries and fears and march forward into battle with a confident and thankful heart. Let's pack up our parkas and pull out the tanks trusting that God will bring the warmth and sun that we so desperately need.

Paul (one of the bible's authors who was seriously in love with Jesus and seriously lived like he really believed it was all real), offers some encouragement for those of us who have the tendency to worry. I am going to make this my prayer today. In fact, I think I'm going to write it on a note card and tape it somewhere obnoxious. I need to remember this today, and every day.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:6-7

Brave & Beautiful

I love being a part of the body of Christ. It is amazing to think about the size of my extended family. . . the thousands of races, languages, and cultures that make up this beautiful, blended group. If you have a minute this morning, check out Katie's blog. You can access it on the left column under "Blogs I read. And love." Its called The Journey. For those of you who haven't checked out her site before, she is a young woman in her twenties who has moved to Uganda and has adopted 14 (or so) young girls. She is an amazing example of complete surrender and sacrifice for Jesus. Her entries are beautiful, passionate, and real.

Recently a friend told me that my honesty and transparency is brave. Maybe it is (I think it only seems brave because so few people live that way), or maybe it isn't. But no matter what your thoughts on Christianity or transparency are, there is no denying that Katie is brave.

Brave and beautiful. . . and I am praying for her and her girls today.

Family Portrait

I love my kids. And I really love being a mom. If you read this blog any a regular basis you might notice something, though. I don't talk about my kids a lot in my posts. I don't mean to mislead you - it isn't that my kids aren't a priority. . . it is simply that my identity as a child of God is not completely wrapped up in being a mom. I'm really passionate about raising my children and lovin' on them with unconditional and Christ-like love, and I'm also really passionate about doing ministry alongside my hubby with people who are longing for conversations that go deeper than the silly thing my 2 year old said yesterday (although its a pretty good place to start).

So I wear two hats, and I love it. But today I think I'm going to blend my worlds and talk about my kids. They are a huge part of who I am - and when I am paying attention, they often teach me more than I teach them. They are awesome.

Caleb is a lot like his daddy. He has always been a little bit introverted; totally satisfied with a measuring cup, a train, or (these days) an action figure and his little self. When my Nana passed away we had a family dinner with extended relatives. Caleb was 1 and 1/2 years old and sat in a high chair at the restaurant for 3 hours without complaint. Amazing, if you ask me. He does have pieces of me, though. He has a tender heart and a very soft conscience. Yesterday he told the babysitter (rather insistently, apparently) that he needed to go to bed early because he had been naughty before she came. I am so proud of this little guy. . . but also aware that he is a sinner like everyone else and in need of the grace of God. Oh, how I pray that he will be a man after God's own heart!!

And then there is Alison. My mini me. She is outgoing and chatty. When you stand her next to other kids her age she sounds like a 10 year old. She is also super dramatic and a little (understatement) emotional. There are days when I would appreciate a toned down version of this little chick, but usually I find a lot of joy and laughter in her dramatic antics. She has one great passion in life: babies. Everywhere we go she finds babies, kisses babies, holds babies, turns random small objects into babies. . . Its a bit of an obsession. But I'm so grateful for the way it shows the love she feels. The first thing she often says when she sees babies and their moms is, "Oh, baby loves her Mama, and Mama loves baby." That's my girl - feelin' the love. I'm praying and longing for her to feel the same love and passion for and from Christ one day!

These little kids light up my life and remind me of the great blessings of my God. It is a humbling thing to realize how much responsibility I have in raising them. . . but I couldn't have asked for a better partner - Matt is an amazing Daddy - and I know that God will guide us and lead us as we help mold these little ones into the people He created them to be. Oh, I cannot wait to see what comes in their lives!!

So, this is my family. My other job. And, honestly, the one that matters most. . .

A Book Report

I left my bible in the car last night. Its only 10 feet outside my front door, but rather than braving the chilly morning I decided to pull out The Message (a translation that says the same thing but in a more contemporary way). I have to say - its fun to read The Message because it makes certain parts of Scripture that often seem confusing or outdated come alive. But it also felt a little empty. I don't know, there's just something about my bible. . . it isn't the same opening up a different book.

I had a friend in high school who really loved Jesus, and I remember one particular afternoon she was showing me her new bedroom furniture. I noticed her bible (a rather enormous one, I have to admit) tucked half under the covers of her bed. She smiled her sweet little smile and said that she sleeps with it there because she loves it so much. Is that weird? Maybe a little.

But I get it. I don't sleep with my bible, but I understand the sentiment. When you accept as truth what God has given us in His word; when your heart is filled to overflowing with the joy of salvation through Christ. . . well, you just can't get enough of His word.

I love my bible because I know exactly where all of my favorite passages are. I have challenging and encouraging phrases underlined so that when I flip through I notice their presence there. I remember carrying that bible around Israel and reading stories about Christ that happened on the very earth I was standing upon.

I love my bible because I love Jesus and it is the closest I will ever get to Him this side of heaven.

So, how do you feel about your bible? If you have the same bible you were using in 6th grade it might be time for an upgrade. A worthwhile investment in my opinion (although it is pretty awesome to look through my old bible and laugh at the weird things I thought necessary to underline).

You don't have to sleep with it. . . but spend enough time immersed in it that you begin to fall in love with the words that share the very heart of God. Know it well enough to allow it to mold you and change you into the image of Christ.

Don't read your bible just to read it - to check it off a list of super spiritual activities. It won't mean much to you then. . . Read it with an open heart that longs to be changed by it.

If you don't spend a lot of time in God's word it might be hard at first. It might feel forced or awkward to sit and meditate on words that you don't understand or fully believe. But don't give up after the first try. . . go back again and again and again. And one day you'll realize that somewhere in the course of your trying you did it.

You met the Creator of the Universe in those flimsy pages and fell in love.

God Is

I spent the last hour writing a new post. Then I deleted it.

All I really want to say this morning is that God is real and God is here. If you don't believe that, or today you simply struggle to feel that, I am begging you to get on your knees and ask Him to open your heart and mind to Him. I will be on my knees begging on your behalf.

Praying that the words to this song will today - or one day - be the very cry of your heart as well.

Absolutely
Starfield

Lover of my soul
I want to tell you
Only you have all of me
I cannot contain my adoration
I'm in love so desperately

No one is as lovely as you are
There is no one else who has my heart

Jesus you have me completely
Every breath I breathe
I am absolutely in love
Jesus I am yours forever
All of me surrenders
I am absolutely in love with you

Down upon my knees
I'm lost in worship
Humbled by your majesty
What is there to say
But how I love you
Thank you for forgiving me

Identity Theft

Life was dramatic when I was a kid - in part due to my personality, and in part due to my circumstances. I faced a lot of difficult situations when it came to friends (and enemies, for that matter). As a result, I become intensely insecure and a little obsessed with getting people to like me. "People pleaser" doesn't begin to describe the lengths to which I would often go to feel accepted.

At 27 I traveled across the world to Israel and finally saw clearly how far I was from being freed from my thirst for acceptance. And it was there that the truth of my freedom in Christ became a reality and started transforming my heart and mind. It is a process that is continuing today as I seek to honor Christ rather than please my peers.

I don't know where you're at when it comes to issues like this, but I hope that you have felt at least a taste of the freedom Jesus offers. For a girl who faced a lot of rejection and hurt it is a pretty amazing thing to understand the acceptance and love and security available to me in Him.

And it is pretty awesome to have enough confidence to be who I am without shame or fear of rejection. Its not that people don't reject me anymore - its just that I've decided as long as I am being true to who I am and faithful to my Savior, I don't really care either way.

I shouldn't say that. It doesn't feel good to know that you've been rejected, but I've finally come to a place where I refuse to allow that to change how I act or who I am.

I love Jesus. I love Him more than anything else in this world. I am convinced that His love for me is deeper and wider and higher and stronger than any love we could conceive of. I believe that He made me the way I am for a reason, and that He loves seeing me throw off the shackles of approval and run unashamedly after Him and His purpose in my life.

Do you think I speak this strongly in order to manipulate crowds? Or curry favor with God? Or get popular applause? If my goal was popularity, I wouldn't bother being Christ's slave. Know this—I am most emphatic here, friends—this great Message I delivered to you is not mere human optimism. I didn't receive it through the traditions, and I wasn't taught it in some school. I got it straight from God, received the Message directly from Jesus Christ. Galatians 1:10-11

Let it Rain

I love storms. I love cracking open the windows so that we can hear the pitterpatter of raindrops and the rumbling of thunder a little better. I wish it would rain now. There are ominous looking clouds in the sky, but no obvious drops just yet. It probably rained while I was sleeping and completely oblivious to the lovely event. Bummer. . .

I also love rain storms because they point me to God. What a tangible reminder that every day He can wash us clean; drench us in His love; pour out His Spirit powerfully among us.

I suppose if I don't get a real rain storm today, I could simply pray for a drenching of another kind.

And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:5


In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. Ephesians 1:7-8

Rain down in my life today, Jesus. Wash me clean, and make me new.

Good times

I am a new woman. Seriously. A living testimony of the truth that the better our prayer life the deeper and more intimate our connection with God (and therefore the easier and more satisfying it is to walk as Jesus walked). Don't get me wrong - I have always prayed. I just haven't always prayed like this.

What is this?

Well, I'm so glad you asked. Let me tell you.

Part 1 - I use the bible. I read my bible before and during my prayer. I use Paul's prayers as examples. I let God's word open my heart to His heart and I simply go from there. This is not rocket science. Thousands (and millions) of Christians before me have done this (and continue to do this!). . . Why? Because it works!!

Part 2 - I move. I make it physical. If I'm confessing yuckiness that has come from my mouth I actually put my hands on my lips and confess my sin. Then, with my hands still on my lips, I beg God to transform me; to use these lips to glorify and honor Jesus. And on it goes. . .

The physical part helps me focus - and it makes it real. I really do sin, I really do need a Savior, and my body really can be either a vessel for God or. . . well, something not so great.

Those two things alone have totally transformed the way I pray over these last days. Both ideas came from this book I started, and honestly I am so grateful for the insights. When I first started reading I kinda thought it all seemed contrived and legalistic. You know, like, do these things and then you'll be a good Christian.

And maybe if you were to read it you'd feel that way too. . . But like I said at the start - contrived and legalistic or not - I am closer to God than I was 3 days ago. My prayers have more meaning and passion and purpose than ever before.

I feel alive through prayer. I feel ready to face the world once I've prayed. I know what God desires for me on a more tangible level after we've talked. Oh, may you find prayer to be such a lifeline as well!! Don't let your prayers be stale and meaningless - find a way to make them real and powerful!

And in a few weeks, remind me not to let mine grow stale and old too. . . because for some reason I am a 21st century Israelite; experiencing the presence and power of God and then all too quickly forgetting.

Maybe we should start the day by passionately praying that we would never forget. . . Pray for me - and know that I am praying for you!

Battle Ready

I started reading this book on prayer the other day, and one of the suggestions the author makes is to pray through the armor of God. If you aren't familiar with the armor metaphor, go to Ephesians 6 and start reading in verse 10. Paul is giving us a fabulous picture of what it looks like to be prepared for battle as a believer. This morning when I was rereading those verses I was struck by a thought. . .

Verse 12 says this:

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

We put on the armor of God not so that we can fight against flesh and blood (physical people in this world), but so that we can take a stand against Satan. Satan is the father of lies, and his greatest weapons are the lies that he uses to ensnare us and draw us away from God (Jn 8:44).

When we pray, we connect to God - who is Himself truth. We come face to face with all that is good and right and holy. Once we have prayed, it becomes more difficult to fall for Satan's lies. Once we begin living a life of connectedness to our Savior it becomes less appealing to live by the standards of the world.

And unfortunately, the opposite is true. When we are disconnected from Christ, when our prayers are nothing but laundry lists of requests or rote repetitions, or when we simply aren't praying at all, it becomes very easy to begin living out the standards of this world. In those moments, the honest truth is that the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms have won in our lives.

It is heartbreaking to see so many "Christians" living outside of the call of Christ. Sometimes I am shocked at how much sin is justified by people who claim to love and know God. But I shouldn't be surprised. I shouldn't wonder how this happens and why it is so easy for me to fall into the same snare.

Like I said yesterday, I think many of us struggle with prayer. We have a hard time being consistent in our communication with God. But I truly believe that if we want to succeed in this battle against the father of lies; if we will find any hope in pursuing Christ in this life; if we long for our lives to be more than words - living sacrifices offered to our Savior; well, we simply must pray.

We've got to figure out how to stay connected to God all the time. We have to understand what Paul means when he tells us to pray without ceasing. We have to take the time to understand prayer and find the motivation and inspiration to make it more than it often is.

If we don't, we will fall for the lies and live a life of spiritual lukewarmness. . . I don't know about you, but I want more.


Onward Christian soldiers. . .

One Thing I Ask

The summer after my freshman year of college I went on a missions trip with Campus Crusade for Christ. One particular evening we heard from a speaker who had come to talk to us about prayer. He began the talk by asking us all some questions. "Are you satisfied with your prayer life? Do you think that you pray exactly as you are called to pray?" It was one of those moments where we all laughed and looked around thinking, "Yeah, right. Not possible." Until we realized that one girl up front had her hand held high in the air. You could tell it surprised the speaker a bit, too. I don't remember his exact response to her, but I know that there was some level of disbelief in his words.

You see, I think most Christians would agree that prayer is a hard thing. The bible tells us to pray without ceasing, and the models we have for prayer in the bible are intense and passionate (and often very early in the morning. . . like when its actually still dark!).

And to be quite frank, I think prayer is hardest for people like me. When I was a music student at the University of Illinois I used to scan the practice rooms every 30 minutes to see if any of my friends were practicing. Sitting alone in the 5x8 practice room for more than an hour was an intense form of torture from my perspective. I like people, and I like talking, and I am very easily distracted. I was recently talking with a friend about my struggles with prayer and shared the experience I had in the shower the other day (ok, that sounds weird. Yes, I pray in the shower - but as you will soon see, it isn't usually very successful).

My prayer went something like this: Dear God, thank You so much for the way You work in our lives. I can sense Your hand leading us - give us open eyes and hearts to sense Your calling! I pray that we. . . oohh, this shampoo smells so good. And I can't believe how much cheaper it is than the organic stuff I was buying. I wonder if it has all those bad ingredients in it like the eyeball numbing agent. . . hmmm. I can't read any of this.

I'm not even joking, friends. That's about how it went. . . But I'm not going to get into the theology of prayer today. I am simply going to say this:

I don't ever want to be satisfied with my prayer life. I don't ever want to raise my hand and exclaim, "I've got it mastered!" Because no matter what you believe about the benefits and results of prayer (and I believe that prayer accomplishes more than we could ever know for more people than we could ever imagine), we know that it draws us nearer to the heart of God and aligns our own heart with His.

Oh, if God would just change one thing within me today - I ask that it would be my hunger for prayer and my ability to focus in prayer.

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints. Ephesians 6:18

I think over the coming days and weeks we should dig a little deeper into prayer. And as we do, I believe that we will find all of the motivation, discipline, and focus we need to allow it to reshape and redefine our lives.

Let's pray. . .

Isaiah 53

There are some passages in Scripture that just seem to get me every time I read them. No matter how familiar the words are I am moved, encouraged, and challenged by their power. Isaiah 53 is one of those passages. . .

It is such a powerful perspective on the sacrifice of love that Jesus made. This Easter I am praying that these words will move, encourage, and challenge all of us as we remember - and as we celebrate.

Jesus' death on the cross didn't just secure us life in the future; through it He offers us abundant life now. If you have some time, meditate on these words and what they show us about Jesus and His amazing love for us. . . Happy Easter, everyone.

Isaiah 53

Who has believed our message
and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?

He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.

He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.

But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.

We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.

He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.

By oppression and judgment he was taken away.
And who can speak of his descendants?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
for the transgression of my people he was stricken.

He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
nor was any deceit in his mouth.

Yet it was the LORD's will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
and though the LORD makes his life a guilt offering,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.

After the suffering of his soul,
he will see the light of life and be satisfied;
by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,
and he will bear their iniquities.

Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,
and he will divide the spoils with the strong,
because he poured out his life unto death,
and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the transgressors.

Hallelujah. What a Savior. . .