A Year of Jesus

The coming of the new year has always created within me a strange combination of excitement and disappointment. I tend to wake up on on New Year's Day with the unfortunate realization that not much has actually changed and I am still quite the same person as I was the day before.

Maybe that feeling stems from my tendency to create resolutions that are far beyond my ability to reach with any consistent success. . . I do recognize that its ok to fail, and that creating a resolution is simply putting feet on good intentions, but it is still quite frustrating to be continually reminded that some things just might never change.

I think the other frustrating thing about New Year's resolutions is that they tend to pull all of our focus inward toward ourselves. Our resolutions are about us; how to lose weight or gain weight, how to build up our savings account, find a boyfriend, get a job or get through a whole year without missing one single day of Bible reading.

Not that any of those things are bad. It is good to be healthy and pursue wisdom in how we live our lives. But I think that when the ball drops at midnight there might be something greater for us to imagine. . . I think the journey might get way more exciting if our goals moved from personal development to world change.

Now, I know what you're thinking. If I can't manage to read my bible everyday how on earth do I plan on changing the world? Simple.

My resolution becomes about God's plans for this world and not my own. My goals change from being a better person to living more like Jesus. The results are much the same, but the motivation is completely different. When we long to be molded into the image of Christ rather than simply becoming better people, or focus is usually on God's big picture rather than our own small story.

The greater motivation for changing our lives (and consequently changing the world) comes when we see the hundreds (and thousands and millions!) of people around us who desperately need someone to paint a more accurate picture of Jesus.

So, that is my resolution this year. I want to know Jesus better and be brave enough to actually live like him. It is going to take a whole lot of guts, and it will require some letting go of things I really like. . . But when the countdown begins at the end of 2010, I will be way more excited to look back on a year where I lived recklessly and passionately like Jesus - loving the lepers, giving generously to the poor, and bringing hope and healing to the lost - than I would looking back on a year where I gained 5 lbs, did a devo every morning, and exercised with marginal faithfulness.

That, friends, is my plan for changing the world. Now, I'm just going to have to get on my knees and beg my God to begin by changing me.

Here's to making 2010 one wild and crazy ride. . . are you with me?

Plan B

It is 7:30 on Christmas morning. I'm sipping a delicious cup of Kringle Kreme coffee, watching the blustering wind bend and shake the trees outside, enjoying the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree, and washing the pillow that Caleb just threw up on.

Too much information?

Well, I have to be honest, it seems like holidays are just not in the plan for the Fisher family this year. Over Thanksgiving when Caleb and I were sick, I was so disappointed; frustrated that the wonderful plans we had made were tainted by an unexpected interruption.

This time, I think it is ok. I don't always learn from the lessons God tries to teach me. . . and even when I do I very quickly forget. But over Thanksgiving, I think I actually learned.

I learned that making plans is fine as long as we hold them loosely, because a thousand different things could happen to change them. There is no reason to be disappointed when things don't go our way because quite often in the end, they go better! And even when they don't, there is so much to enjoy and savor - even in the yuck.

Its ok that Caleb is laying in my bed with the throw up bowl on Christmas morning. Santa can come tomorrow, Colorado will be waiting, and the delay of our vacation is just a way of extending our anticipation.

God's ways are better than mine, and I'm glad that my plans don't always come through. All that matters is that Jesus came on this beautiful morning 2,000 years ago to make a way for me. . . a way that nothing - not sickness, sadness, or even death - can hinder, or alter, or interrupt.

I hope no one in this house is sick next Christmas, but if one of us is, I hope I remember to find joy and peace in Jesus, not in plans that have no warranty and no guarantee.

Merry Christmas.

Love from our house to yours. . .

Emmanuel

I remember the day in college when it finally clicked that the God of Universe was living and moving inside of me. I can still feel the instant joy and excitement that totally consumed me when I first understood that truth. . .

Unfortunately, just as easily as I remember that truth, I forget it. I can go through out my day functioning as if this body was totally my own and my choices completely mine to make. Usually I regret most of the choices I make on those days. It isn't a burden to walk with God - it is the most fulfilling and joyful way to live. . . and yet I forget.

What would it have been like to be alive when Jesus came? I definitely have a "grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side" mentality about that. I mean, come on. It must have been so much easier to remember Jesus when he was actually standing next to you, right? Oh, those disciples had it good. . .

Except then I read the bible and see that the disciples were totally confused and clueless most of the time, and I have to admit that if I was alive when Jesus was here I might have actually thrown stones at Him. He wasn't popular. And it certainly wasn't easier.

No, we have it much better now. We have the whole story, and we have this God who came down to rescue us from our sins living inside of us when we trust in Him. We have it good.

We will have moments of spiritual amnesia at different points for the rest of our earthly lives. . . but the more we remember Jesus, the more that we look upon God's face and seek to know Him more and live for Him more fully. . . well, the more we will understand the joy that comes from living out the purpose for which we were created - and the more we will remember.

This Christmas, try to remember that Jesus came for a reason. He had a job to do. It was a rescue mission that has been unparalleled in all of history. He was and is Emmanuel, God with us.

Remember that Jesus is the reason we live, breath, move, and have our being. Jesus is our Savior, our King, our brother, and our friend.

In the chaos of the parties and presents, try to find a quiet moment to thank Jesus for pocketing His God-card and humbling Himself to become a mere man. He did it for you. He did it for love.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
look full in His wonderful face,
and the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

Merry Christmas. . . May God bless you, each and every one. . .

My Faith and My Reality

Sometimes I think I might be a little too honest on this blog. I still have to laugh at the post I read on another site saying that everyone shades their entries to present a certain image of themselves to the world. . . oh man. I don't know what kind of image I'm presenting here - but I hope it is clear that I value honesty more than perfection.

What good am I doing if I only write beautiful, wonderful things about myself? Would that encourage young women who have made mistakes and continue to do so daily? No. I prefer the honesty, but sometimes it is scary.

I have the guts to push the Publish Post button after writing too honestly about my weaknesses when I remember that walking with Jesus means that we find our security and identity in Him alone. That means that I can share my bad stuff knowing that my bad stuff doesn't define me. Every day I wake up longing to make the right choices and honor Christ with every moment of my life; and every day I succeed in some ways, and fail in others.

The crazy thing about faith is that this side of heaven it will not ensure us a perfect life. We will continue to sin, and we will continue to face situations that make living difficult. I think the greatest example of this is a passage from scripture that pretty much does me in every time I read it. It is impossible for me to meditate on these words without getting teary-eyed and emotional. . . It is a passage describing the commitment of believers in the early years of the church. Their life was not easy, but their faith was astounding.

Some faced jeers and flogging, while still others were chained and put in prison. They were stoned; they were sawed in two; they were put to death
by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated— the world was not worthy of them.

They wandered in deserts and mountains, and in caves and holes in the ground. These were all
commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect. Hebrews 11:36-40

Do you get the picture here? These people were out of their minds committed to Christ. They followed him to the point of being rejected, beaten, and killed (in excruciating ways). Their faith was unwavering, and their confidence in God was certain. In society today these people would be labeled freaks. In God's opinion, the world did not deserve them.

But they still suffered. And I can promise you that they weren't perfect; they were sinners like you and me. They didn't receive the rewards for their faith this side of heaven. Together with all the saints, they will be lifted up and honored for their striving.

With these examples before us we can find hope and confidence too. Confidence to continue to live for Jesus today, knowing that along with the trials of life will come blessings in plenty - some today, and unending blessings in eternity!!

So, I guess I just want to encourage you to know that it is ok to make mistakes. Being a Christian doesn't mean that we are better than everyone else. . . it simply means we recognize how fallen we are and that we now have found salvation, hope, and joy in Jesus as our Savior. It means recognizing and admitting our sins - turning and repenting - trusting that the Holy Spirit will be at work in us, helping us to do it right the next time. . .

If you look at the very next section in Hebrews, I think you'll find all the encouragement and perspective you need to keep waking up and trying after you've failed a thousand times. . .

Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start
running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed— that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot
adrenaline into your souls! Hebrews 12:1-3

The Parable of the Lost Key

I had an interesting morning yesterday. About 5 minutes before we had to walk out the door for church we got a phone call that the keys to the piano in the sanctuary were missing and the piano was locked. It is difficult to lead worship by playing the piano when you can't actually produce any sound. Our secretary wanted to know if I knew where they might be.

I did.

The day before I had been rehearsing for the Saturday service and noticed my kids playing with those keys. I knew in my head that I should put the keys away because they could get lost or something - but I didn't. My head hurt, and in that moment it was easier to just let my children play with something they really shouldn't be playing with than to deal with telling them no. So, what did I feel when the secretary called to see if I might know where the keys were?

Shame.

And in my shame I tried to cover up for my own bad choice with my response. I believe it went something like this: "Uh! Oh no. Helen, I saw my kids over by the piano and I think they might have been playing with the keys!! You should go look in the nursery, and I'll be there as soon as I can!"

So, I guess you could say I lied.

At least, I didn't exactly give the whole truth. What I should have said was this: "Uh! oh no. Helen, I let my kids play with those keys yesterday to keep them occupied while I rehearsed. I have to admit that I completely forgot to find them and put them away when we were done. You should start looking in the nursery - I'm so sorry!!!"

Why didn't I just say that?

I mean, letting my kids play with those keys was a bad choice, but its not like anyone would have thought less of me, right? I mean, all moms understand those moments when you just give in in order to maintain your sanity, right? Why was I so afraid to be honest?

Well, I forgot about the grace and love of Jesus in that moment. I forgot that my worth and value as a person (and as a pastor's wife) has nothing to do with how perfect or wonderful I am. . . It has everything to do with how perfect and wonderful Jesus is.

I think that when we're afraid to admit our mistakes its because we have stopped finding our identity and worth in our relationship with Jesus and we are trying to prove our value on our own.

I don't deserve any one's love really. . . but when a bunch of people who have been loved and saved by the undeserved sacrifice of Jesus get together, there should be a grace environment that forgives sins, overlooks mistakes, and offers encouragement when we probably just deserve a smack on the bum.

We did eventually find the keys. It took about 20 minutes and 6 volunteers, but we found them.

Oh, I hope that the next time I face a situation like this I am unafraid to be honest about my failures, trusting that God's grace is enough and that the people around me will extend that grace my way. . .

I also hope that you know God's grace is enough for you. . . even when you lose the church's keys, or lie about your mistakes, or try to make yourself look better than you really are.

God's grace is enough. You don't have to pretend anymore.

Here's to being honest about the good, the bad, and the ugly.

God and ________

Sometimes when I read the bible I get warm fuzzies. I feel encouraged by the love, grace, and patience of my God. Then there are times when I read the bible and feel like I've been smacked over the head with a 2 by 4. Its a good smack down, though. A necessary one, at least.

You see, I am a sinner. Every day I wake up tempted to believe that the world revolves around me and my happiness. Sometimes I don't need to be reminded that God loves me; I need to be reminded that it isn't all about me.

This morning I was reminded of this once again in 1 Kings. In this crazy awesome story in the Old Testament the prophet Elijah challenges King Ahab to a duel of sorts. King Ahab had wandered from following the I AM and was worshiping Baal.

And as though it were not enough to follow the example of Jeroboam, he married Jezebel, the daughter of King Ethbaal of the Sidonians, and he began to bow down in worship of Baal. 1 Kings 16:31

Elijah speaks against this and as a result must run for his life. After a few years God instructs Elijah to go back to Ahab and offer an opportunity to prove himself. The offer goes like this: let us both build an alter with a sacrifice on top, and the god who is real will send fire down onto the sacrifice to burn it up.

Well, the prophets of Baal cried out and danced all day long, and as you could guess - nothing happened. Elijah had his alter drenched with water (to make it abundantly clear that this was the work of God), prayed to His Father, and immediately the entire alter was consumed in flames.

There was no mistaking the hand of God or the power of God here. But what convicted me and challenged me most this morning was Elijah's words to the Israelites. Before they began the sacrificial tournament Elijah went before them and said this:

"How much longer will you waver, hobbling between two opinions? If the Lord is God, follow him! But if Baal is God, then follow him!” But the people were completely silent. 1 Kings 18:2

The Israelites had become divided in their hearts. They wanted to serve God and Baal at the same time. The bible is clear that we cannot serve God and another. He is the One and Only deity; the Holy Creator and Sustainer of the Universe. Anything but whole-hearted and single minded devotion to Him is meaningless.

And yet, that is what we often offer, isn't it? We know that God is supposed to be enough - in fact, everything - but yet we still look to other things to fulfill us and give us meaning. I'd like to have God and money - you know, just to be comfortable. Or, I'd like to have God and popularity - because life was meant to be fun! Or, I'd like to have God and stuff - because stuff makes me feel important and valued.

Oh, it is easy to fall into the trap of making the Almighty One just one of our many gods. . . The Israelites fell into that pattern time and time again. And to this day we do the same.

My prayer is that a generation would rise up that is willing to give up all other gods and their empty promises. . . That a group of people would stand against the temptations and sales pitches of this world and trust in Jesus alone.

I have one question for you today. It might feel more like a 2 by 4 than a warm fuzzy, but sometimes we need a little smack in the head to adjust our perspective.

How much longer will you waver, hobbling between two opinions?

If the Lord is God, follow Him.

Believing in Possible-ness with God

I am not sure that we really believe that all things are possible with God. We say it, but does the pattern of our lives reflect a heart that knows it is true? How do we move from just saying it to really living it?What does it actually mean to believe that all things are possible with God?

I think the struggle comes when we experience disappointment in what God does (or does not do). So, while we know that He is capable of anything, we're not convinced that the stuff that matters to us actually matters to God. The amazing, miraculous way that we want Him to show his "I-can-do-anything-ness" doesn't always line up with how He works.

So, quite understandably, we begin to loose our sense of awe and wonder toward this mighty God who can save because we don't understand what in the world He's trying to do. I believe that God can do anything, but I have to admit that if I was in charge of what "anything" was, I would make some different choices. . .

The only way to reconcile His "I-can-do-anything" power with the difficult and discouraging situations in our lives is to look to His word and seek to understand what the main point of all of this is in the first place. Sometimes it is easy to develop tunnel vision and forget that there is a bigger story happening out there, and that even the difficulties and discouragements of our lives fit into that picture perfectly.

One of the greatest examples of all of this is Mary, the mother of Jesus. Could you even imagine what it must have been like to be Mary? To give birth to the Savior of the world? Oh, what amazing joy and awe must have filled her heart as she raised this little man of God!!

Oh, what anguish and sorrow she must have felt when they nailed Him to the cross. This was certainly not what she would have planned. This was not the choice she would have made. I cannot begin to fathom the gut-wrenching pain of watching her beloved child suffer so intensely.

And yet, God's plan was good and perfect and completely necessary. Jesus Himself begged for the cup to be taken, but he full well knew that it was a cup he must drink of in order to bring salvation to the world (Matt 26:39).

I hope that this Christmas is a reminder of the amazing "I-can-do-anything-ness" of our God. He cares deeply about every circumstance and difficulty in our lives, and even when things don't seem to go our way, we can know with great certainty that the God who began life in Mary's womb and then raised that life up from the dead is at work in us (Eph. 1:18-22).

I can do all things through Christ. And He can do all things in and through me. Lord, help me to see clearly the larger story at work, and give me the willingness to let go of my desires and trust you completely. Help me to live what I believe in my head to be true every waking moment of my days. . .

Show me how

I have this tendency to want to be good at things that go completely against the grain of my nature. In some cases, I've actually managed to be marginally successful. Take piano, for example. I have often wondered why on earth God enabled me to play the piano and then gave me a personality type that finds the thought of sitting in a room by myself for more than 30 minutes practicing completely appalling.

A month ago I decided I was going to be the ultimate homemaker and begin making my own bread. I bought all of the necessary ingredients, pulled my Kitchen Aide out of the cupboard, and made bread. Once. I must say, though, that the apron I bought to complete the "Suzy Homemaker" facade has turned out to be a good motivational tool. . . just not for making bread.

This week I have decided that in order to save the world and teach my children not to be materialistic or 'brand-name' obsessed, I will learn how to knit. Seriously, this is very exciting. Forget the fact that I am not wired in any way to actually do it (I would much rather be socializing or watching a movie), I just have this deep longing to be the kind of person who knits. Oh, does that even make sense?

So, yesterday I purchased the necessary equipment for knitting and settled myself in front of the computer to watch YouTube videos on learning how to knit.

Unfortunately, it turns out that when you have no intrisic understanding or ability to knit, learning to do so by watching You Tube videos is not very productive or fruitful. I am no more capable of knitting today than I was yesterday, although I am excited to share that after 20 minutes of rewatching the same 2 minute video I did finally figure out how to make a slip knot.

So what do I do? Should I just give up on knitting and admit that my personality type is probably incapable of something so crafty and time-consuming?

No way!! There is a missing link in this escapade that is (I believe) almost 100% responsible for my failure: other people. There is a reason that I found some level of success in playing the piano. . . It is because I had amazingly gifted teachers pushing me forward and encouraging me. I had examples to look up to and emulate. I wasn't trying to teach myself how to become great at something; I was looking to the gifted people around me who were already great at it to show me how.

If I want to become the type of person who makes her own bread and knits my neighbors sweaters, I should probably try spending some time with people who already do. Their encouragement and instruction will probably be about 1,000 times more effective than the nice lady on You Tube.

And this isn't just for baking and knitting - I think it works for just about every area of life. Think about the kind of woman you want to become. . . The type of impact you want to have. . . Then find someone who is already doing it - someone who God has grown and who God is using - and watch them! Let their example motivate and inspire you as you seek to become the woman God wants to make you into.

There are a lot of things that I will never be intrinsically good at. . . And I might honestly never actually knit anything. But no matter what personality any one of us has, the Creator of the Universe has all the intrinsic power and understanding necessary to make us more fully His, and to use us to empower and encourage the lives of those around us.

Here's to living beyond the boundaries of what we're naturally capable of. . . remembering that nothing is impossible with God.

Goodnight Erin.

Well, if this blog is going to be a fair, balanced picture of a life (ok, well - my life) lived for Christ, then I think I need to update from yesterday's post. Oh, I can guarantee that those words I wrote were dripping with sincerity. I truly long to live every 10 minutes - in fact every minute - for Jesus.

But I fail. A lot. About a half hour after writing that entry I pretty much fell apart. It had been a long week in the Fisher house. . . Matt was out of town, I had led youth group Wednesday night (not my strength or gifting, by the way), and was preparing to sub for the Thursday morning women's bible study.

As 4 year olds sometimes do, Caleb decided that the Thomas the Tank Engine underpants I picked out for him to wear were not quite up to par. That is when it began. I flipped my lid and lost sight of Christ. I was instantly frustrated, impatient, and trying to fix it all in my own strength and wisdom.

My pulse was still racing when I arrived at bible study, and though the conversation was encouraging and obviously Jesus-centered, I have to admit that my heart was still trying to accomplish that task all on its own. . .

Then, I got in my car to drive over to a friend's house for lunch and managed to fishtail on 1/2 an inch of snow and hit a tree in our new/used car. The rest of the afternoon I mostly felt sorry for myself.

Good morning, Jesus. Goodnight, Erin. Wow. It is amazing how we can know and feel the power and presence of God so clearly in certain moments, and how we can then almost instantly forget it and function completely out of our own ability.

Ugh. Praise God for His undeserved and unending grace and mercy. I want to live the next 10 minutes for Jesus, but I am thankful that if Caleb's underpants become a wedgie in my perspective and ability to focus on Christ, tomorrow is a new day, and a renewed opportunity to surrender yet again at the foot of the cross and live in and through Christ instead of myself.

Today I am excited to live for Jesus. . . but I am humbled knowing that it is only by His grace and through the power of His Spirit at work in me that I will be able to succeed.

Goodmorning Jesus!

I am excited to live this day for God. Some mornings I wake up consumed with to-do lists and anxieties over life's circumstances. Today was one of those great mornings where I woke up consumed with gratefulness for God's love and a renewed passion to make this day count for eternity.

Its hard to have that perspective much of the time. . . I mean, there are so many things in life that can distract us from focusing on Jesus and what it means to live for Him. And quite frankly, it often feels easier to just focus on the to-do's because the 'living for Jesus' is usually a little more intimidating.

Francis Chan writes in his book Forgotten God:

It's much less demanding to think about God's will for your future than it is to ask Him what He wants you to do in the next ten minutes. It's safer to
commit to following Him someday instead of this day (pg. 120).

How true, how true. And I don't think young people are the only ones who suffer from the 'someday complex.' We all, to one extent or another, procrastinate when it comes to making the choices we know we should make in living for Christ.

Not only is it difficult to make eternal choices, but sometimes it seems impossible to accomplish anything eternal during the course of a busy day. How do I surrender the next 10 minutes to God when every ten minutes all day long is filled with laundry, dishes, potty stops, Lightening McQueen, and deep philosophical discussions about how Santa will get out of the chimney?

How do we manage to live in the world and do everything we have to do every day and still focus on Jesus?

Well, it starts with our heart. Colossians 3:17 says,

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

It is a choice that we can make to live every moment surrended to God, honoring Him by our actions and thoughts and words. We don't have to be leading a bible study or singing praise songs to bring Him glory.

I can discuss the physics of Santa, make a potty stop with my 2 year old, and load the dishwasher in a way that brings God glory. I can find significance in every moment of the day when my heart and mind is focused on Christ.

I hope that you are encouraged to live this day for Jesus too. Make the next 10 minutes count - whatever you're doing.

Make someday happen. . . today.