One Scary Suitcase

I'm still afraid of the dark. I really love that my kids like to sleep with the bathroom light on, because it casts a soft glow into our room as well, and the light makes it much easier for me to sleep peacefully. When I was younger I would actually get so scared of the dark that I'd lay in bed motionless for hours. I was too afraid to move; sometimes even too afraid to yell out for my mom and dad. In college I went on a 9 week trip to Rome and spent a night laying awake, sweating in sheer terror over what turned out to be the metallic handle of my suitcase glimmering in the moonlight.

I thought I'd be over those kinds of fears when I was the "mom" in the house. I assumed that adulthood brought with it an unwavering confidence and assurance that would wash away the silly fears of childhood. I mean, seriously, I know that there is not actually a monster under my bed or an alien in my closet (or a serial killer hiding in my suitcase), so what is the big deal?

Unfortunately, my fear of the dark is not the only fear I brought into adulthood with me. I also managed to bring along the very real fear of what others think of me. If I'm going to be honest here, I have to admit that I often become paralyzed with hurt and disappointment when I think someone is upset with me. I become consumed, analyzing every detail of the situation, imagining that the other person is thinking and believing all sorts of awful things about me. . .

The funny thing is, I thought I'd be over those kinds of fears when I was the "mom" in the house. I assumed that adulthood brought with it an unwavering confidence and assurance that would wash away the silly fears of childhood. I mean, seriously, I know that the opinions of the people around me are meaningless when I stand before Christ and feel the assurance of His love, so what's the big deal?

I don't know. I sure do wish I was over that fear, but somehow it seems to creep back into my heart every once in a while, as if just to prove that its still there. . . Do you ever struggle with the weight of other people's opinions? Do you ever feel paralyzed with fear over the disapproval of your friends?

I don't have all the answers when it comes to issues like this. I can hardly act like the expert in an issue that is so obviously still a thorn in my life. But there is one thing I do know: When we walk in the light of Christ's love, we have nothing to fear. NOTHING. Oh, the world will try to convince us that there is still plenty to be afraid of - and sometimes the world will win and fear will take hold of our hearts. . . But ultimately we can find unwavering confidence and assurance in Christ, and in His promise to walk beside us and live within us (Jn 14:27, Mt 28:20).

The next time one of us faces the fear of insecurity; the next time we are feeling paralyzed by the opinions and judgments of others, lets read Psalm 27 until we're blue in the face. . . or least until we begin to believe that the words are as true for us today as they were for David so many years ago.

The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid?
Psalm 27:1

I don't think David was expecting someone to answer him right here. I think he was being poetic; asking rhetorical questions that he then answered through out the rest of the psalm (which you should definitely read as soon as you're done reading this). . . but if he was standing here reading it aloud to me this morning, I think I'd be tempted to yell

NO ONE!

at the top of my lungs after each line. I don't think he'd mind. I'm pretty sure that's exactly the point he was trying to make.

Mirror, Mirror On the Wall

This world reminds me of the bathroom at Target. Stick with me here; I am going somewhere. Do you ever notice how harsh the lighting is in the bathroom at Target? I might think I'm something pretty fabulous, then I go potty with my kids, look in the mirror, and recoil in horror at the mere sight of myself in that room. The mistake most of us make is that then we actually get closer to the mirror and take a better look. My word - the lighting and mirrors in the bathroom at Target reveal imperfections I swear I would have never even known about!

Then there was the salon up north with the soft lighting and earthy wall colors that always made me look prettier than I really am. I loved going to that salon. Instead of magnifying my flaws that environment made me feel beautiful.

Isn't it amazing how we can have the exact same face and feel beautiful in one environment and freakish in another?

This world reminds me of the bathrooms in Target because it also does a really fabulous job of making us feel ugly. When we stand in the midst of the world's expectations for our faces, our hair, or our bodies, we all come to the shocking and often disheartening realization that we fall completely short. We will never be what they want us to be. In that lighting, we will never be beautiful.

But have you ever looked at your reflection in the presence of Christ? Have you ever taken a look at the girl He fashioned through His very eyes? Now that, sweet friends, is an environment in which you can take a step closer and examine yourself in the mirror. Rather than exaggerating your flaws Jesus reveals our true beauty and the true source of that beauty. When we examine ourselves in the light of Christ we realize that it has very little to do with our faces, our hair, or our bodies, and everything to do with our hearts, our minds and our souls.

If you are struggling with the lighting of this world; if you are examining yourself in the mirror that our culture has provided and find yourself wanting, just know that there is another way. There is a different place that you can go to see a more accurate reflection. Just like the salon up north, looking at our reflection through the eyes of Christ will soften the harsh lighting of the world that leaves us feeling worthless and reveal beauty beyond expression and worth greater than understanding.

As we walk with Him and like Him, and as our lives reflect more and more of His grace and love, the true beauty of our hearts and souls overpowers the harsh light of this world and even the bathrooms at Target cannot erase or distort the gorgeous light that we reflect.

You are beautiful. No matter what they say.

But God told Samuel, "Looks aren't everything. Don't be impressed with his looks and stature. I've already eliminated him. God judges persons differently than humans do. Men and women look at the face; God looks into the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7

Rewind

I think I got a little ahead of myself last week. I issued a challenge for you to reverse the curse in your schools; to be the light of Christ for others that they might experience the good of Jesus in place of the bad of this world. It an awesome thing because experiencing that good through the loving words and actions of believers is what often turns the tide and draws the unbeliever to a place of acceptance and belief.

Near the end of my last post I said this: "Jesus came to reverse the curse in our own lives. Today make it your goal to pay it forward and reverse the curse for someone else."

But as I sat down this afternoon to ponder these things some more, I realized that many of you might be in a much different place. You might just have no idea what I mean when I say that Jesus came to reverse the curse in your life. And if you haven't experienced and understood that - well, then it would be pretty darn difficult for you to pay it forward and reverse the curse for others. . . So today I want to share with you the glorious and magnificent reality of what Jesus can and will do in you when you surrender yourself to His leading.

Colossians 3:9-11 says:

Do not lie to each other, since you laid aside the old self with its evil practices, and have put on the new self who is being renewed to a true knowledge according to the image of the one who created him -- a renewal in which there is no distinction between Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave and freeman, but Christ is all, and in all.

Does being a Christian ever seem like hard work to you? According to the beginning of this verse (and the verses that come before it in Colossians) we have a lot of work to do when we become believers. We are called to lay aside our old selves and our bad habits. We have to do a major 180 from the way that we used to live. Our lives and priorities are supposed to change, and often in very dramatic ways when we begin to live for Christ instead of ourselves. A lot of people become burdened with the weight of this reality, but in those moments they are forgetting the beautiful truth behind the call for change. . .

When Jesus takes residence in our souls through the Holy Spirit He empowers us to change. Right after it says that we have laid aside our old selves and put on a new self it says that we are "being renewed," and not only that - but into the very image of God himself. I'm sorry, but that is crazy! Do you know that? Do you get that? From the very minute you begin the journey as a believer God begins shaping and molding you more into Himself. So there is a responsibility on my part to continue laying aside my old self, but there is also a commitment on God's part to work on my behalf. Let me be honest here, there are a lot of days that I don't feel like a very good reflection of God. I'm pretty sure that some of the people closest to me would agree. . . But the beauty of this fact is that it doesn't matter how I feel - it is still true.

So Jesus reverses the curse in us bit by bit as He molds us into the image of our Creator. But wait - it gets even better. As He accomplishes this work of renewal He also erases the status markers that this world uses to define our worth. The ground becomes level at the foot of the cross and we all stand as equals when we stand before our King.

If you want a church word for what I'm talking about here, think sanctification.

Reversing the curse means allowing Jesus to do the work He longs to do in each of our lives to make us more like Himself. He will finish the good work He started, and as we faithfully partner with Him and daily say no to the old self and yes to the new self, we will see our lives transform before our very eyes.

Jesus has reversed the curse in me. He's still doing it, and will continue doing it until the day I walk into eternity at His side. Until then, I'm a work in progress whose goal will be to reverse the curse through the power and love of Jesus everywhere I go.

Reverse the Curse

School is hard. Classes can be difficult, friendships are dramatic and inconsistent, and Jesus often feels a million miles away in an environment that refuses to accept that His ways are good and right. . . We know in our hearts that He is with us wherever we go, but it doesn't feel like enough when we're walking through halls filled with hurting kids and kids doing the hurting.

Some of you are standing in the middle, watching with a deep sense of sadness as the madness goes on around you. Others of you are actually on one side of that equation or the other. Maybe you feel unaccepted at school and discouraged by the words and actions of your classmates. Or maybe you and your friends are the ones who are assuring others that they are unaccepted and unworthy.

So how do you make it through every day with so much junk going on around you?

How do you keep your focus on God and your faith in Christ when darkness seems to be winning the battle?

I have three words for you girls:

Reverse the curse.

Let love win in your own life. That means extending it freely to people who don't deserve it. That means standing up for the hurting kids in the hallway and telling your friends to knock it off when they're doing the hurting.

It means giving respect to your teachers - even the ones who don't really seem to deserve it - because its the right thing to do.

Where there is unlove you walk in and fill the room with an undeniable fragrance of love and acceptance. Everywhere you go you replace sadness with joy, and hurt with hope.

It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. You won't regret one day of your life spent fighting for love and being the love that so many around you desperately need.

If you need a little inspiration or motivation for this challenge, I know someone whose life is a pretty fabulous example. Everywhere he went he loved the unlovable, encouraged the outcast, and gave hope to the faithful. He left a fragrance that made those who accepted him fall in love and those who denied him go mad. He made an eternal impact that brought light into darkness and forever changed the course of history.

His name is Jesus. He came to reverse the curse in our lives. Today, make it your goal to pay it forward and reverse the curse for someone in your corner of the world. . . You never know when your actions will make an eternal impact to bring light into darkness and forever change the course of history.

Headband Horror

I had a few awkward years when I was growing up (understatement? yes). Being genetically skinny can be both a blessing and a curse (which is probably true of every and any body type there is). And, of course, I had the wonderful blessings of things like bad haircuts and acne to compound the problem of my awkwardness. Sometimes I tried to pretend that I didn't care about those things. . . I remember wearing skintight leggings to school one day when I was a sophomore, refusing to acknowledge that my legs looks like toothpicks sticking out of a tootsie roll.

Then there was the day that I decided to wear a headband with my bangs pulled back. That might not seem like such a crazy idea to you, but if you understood the issue with my forehead you would have gasped in horror at the mere suggestion. . .

I guess in some ways I was lucky, because the issue with my forehead could have been a lot worse. It could have been all over my face. You see, I had a pretty bad acne problem underneath the bangs that I so desperately wanted to grow out (you can imagine the dilemma there, because the bangs covered the acne - which was good - but they also were most likely the cause of the acne - which was bad. . . oh, the stress). Anyway, it was nice having bangs to cover it up because most of my friends never noticed it was there.

If you really want a better picture of my complete ridiculousness send me a message and I'll tell you the nickname I gave the upper portion of my face. . . oh, words cannot describe. . .

Anyway, you can imagine the shock of my friends and classmates when I walked into school that fateful day with a big black headband holding back the curtains that so delicately concealed my imperfections. I think the worst moment of the day was definitely at lunch when a friend called out halfway across the lawn outside the cafeteria, "Erin! I didn't know you had freckles!!! . . . oh. . . sorry."

OUCH!

Ok, so why am I telling you such awful and embarrassing things about myself?

Because I think its important for you to know that I experienced those things. And I survived. In fact, I am grateful for experiences like those because they taught me a lot about what really matters in this life.

Maybe you're the kind of girl who never gets embarrassed. Things always seems to work out just right, and everyone seems to think you're pretty much perfect in every way. You never say things you wish you hadn't, wear things you now realize looked ridiculous, or look at yourself in the mirror and wish you had a giant magical eraser.

Oh, wait. No, that isn't possible. There is not one girl on the face of this planet that actually believes she has it all together. But you realize that we often think that about each other, don't we? If only I was like "____," then I wouldn't feel like this.

But the truth of the matter is we all face awkwardness of one kind or another. I can promise you that there is is not one girl on this earth who goes to sleep at night smugly thanking God that He finally created the perfect human. But Satan does a really good job of convincing us that this isn't true. He twists reality and successfully convinces us that we are alone in our awkwardness.

And let me ask you a question. What happens to our ability to love others when we see ourselves as imperfect, broken pots and them as perfect, flawless creatures?

Our love evaporates.

I cannot tell you how many girls I distanced myself from when I was younger because I saw them as something I could never be. I was angry that they had the privilege of waltzing through life without suffering from the annoyances of imperfections. Oh, but I was so wrong!

Those girls were hurting, too. And even if they didn't deserve my love, I was called to love them anyway. . . and show them the very grace and mercy they often refused to extend to me.

In Philippians 2 it says:

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

That verse is a pretty huge call for us to live out the love we've received in very real ways. But we have to be careful about how we read and understand verses like that one. When Paul (the guy who wrote those words) tells us to consider others better than ourselves that doesn't mean that we place them on a pedestal. The bible also tells us that "all men (and all girls) have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23)".

Jesus shows us what true love looks like. It doesn't ignore imperfections and deny sinfulness. . . It says to those in our midst, "I know you aren't perfect and that you don't deserve my love. But I'm going to love you anyway."

I think one of the first steps towards being able to show this kind of love to others is to recognize that we aren't so different from each other after all. You are a beautiful child of God, loved beyond measure. And so is the girl sitting across from you at youth group that you can't bring yourself to love because she is everything you wish you were. . . or she has everything you wish you had. . . or she acts like nothing in life bothers her when your life seems to fall apart daily. . .

Remind yourself in those difficult moments that she needs Jesus just as desperately as you do.

Remember who you are and Whose you are, and refuse to be selective when you distribute His love to those around you. . . no matter how much or how little they look like they need it. . .

Facing the M&Ms

Alright girlies, are you ready for me to get real? Its time to take a walk on the wild side and tell you some stories from my tweener years. I don't know why I do things like this; you will probably never look at me the same. . . but hopefully the end result will be worth the ridiculous revelations!

I went to a small (very small) private school all the way through 8th grade. When it became time to venture off to our enormous public high school I decided to get involved in a group (can't remember for the life of me what it was called. . . Peer something?) that would connect me to other students who were coming from smaller schools into this high school of a few thousand.

It was a good choice, because I was quickly connected to some girls who became good friends over the years of high school. There was an unfortunate event, though, that has soured the memories of that group for me. You see, we had this retreat a few weeks into the school year at a camp nearby. I was rooming with one of my new friends, and as we laid in our bunks trying to fall asleep I blabbered on and on about the beautiful boy that I was totally in love with.

Oh sheesh, this is already embarrassing. Ok, so anyway. I was going on and on about this boy and all of a sudden I felt something strange on my face. It was like little pieces of the ceiling were falling down and smacking me. I stopped talking and listened for a moment. . . and then my eyes focused through the dark to see a vent right above my head. I heard laughter, and then (if you can even believe it) the voice of the beautiful boy calling out in mockery. The little "pieces of ceiling" smacking me were actually M&Ms that they were throwing through the vent, right at my face.

Have you ever been so embarrassed you literally thought you were going to die? I'm not sure how I slept that night, or how I survived the rest of the weekend for that matter. It was seriously traumatic.

But you want to know something awesome? I'm giggling right now. I think its really kind of hilarious that that happened. I don't even remember that boy's name (let alone the name of the group I was in), and this painfully humiliating experience is now nothing but a memory.

A story to tell.

A few months ago I was at a church service where Andy Stanley (a big preacher guy) gave a message about the stories of our lives. He talked about the fact that everything - everything - we go through, no matter how tragic or embarrassing or awful, will eventually become no more than a story we tell.

Have you ever been in a situation similar to mine? So embarrassed you were beside yourself? Or have you ever been so hurt by a guy, or a friend that you felt like you had nothing good in your life at all? Or have you ever been so frustrated with the consequences of a choice that you made that the guilt threatens to consume you?

Tell you what, girls. I can almost guarantee that we've all experienced each one of those feelings. As a friend who is a few miles (just a few, right?) further down the road, I can promise you that those feelings, and the stories behind them - don't have to define your future. You can choose to let those negative stories consume you, or you can cling to the truth that God's word speaks. . . You can refuse to be defined by the hurtful actions of others, or even your own poor choices.

So next time you are in a situation that threatens to unravel you, make this your mantra:

One day, this will be nothing more than a story I tell.

And then open your bible and remind yourself of who you are in Christ. Remember that nothing you can ever experience here on earth is confusing or unknown to your Savior. He walked through it all, and He promises to walk through it again - holding your hand and lifting you up.

You might be in the middle of something right now that makes my "beautiful boy/M&M" story seem like nothing. . . and the truth of the matter is that you might never look back at this particular bump in your road and giggle. . . But you have all the power in the world through Christ to turn this story, this difficult bump, into one that sets you on a better course; one that defines you as a child of God and a faithful daughter.

Don't let the world write your story for you, my friends. Let Jesus walk you through the story He wrote for you before time began. . .

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day.

Psalm 139:13-16, the message

A Brand New Day

I finally figured it out. I am completely convinced, and in this new sense of understanding I am finding an immense amount of joy and peace. I finally get what is going on. You see, ever since we moved this summer I have been struggling to write anything on this blog. You've probably noticed.

And I keep making these other excuses; saying its the new morning routine, or the adjustment period from moving and starting life all over. Those things might have a small part - a very small part - in creating this inability (and honestly total lack of motivation) to write. But there is something much bigger going on here, and now that I understand, I think its time to make a change.

Are you ready for it?

Here it goes. . . The last 2 years have been a whirlwind in my faith. I have been growing and learning and stretching like no other time in my life. I have come face to face with my Savior, and in moments of total surrender and abandon I have finally begun to learn what it truly means to walk with Him. To walk for Him. To walk like Him.

And in the midst of that crazy growth there were a lot of rough places challenging my new convictions and denying my heart's understanding. I was in a place where I felt finally freed, and I wanted desperately for others around me to see and taste what I was learning. But it was difficult, and I felt like a lone disciple standing on top of a hill crying out for someone - anyone - to listen, and understand. There were friends standing beside me crying out with the same voice; the same passion. Together we formed an incredible bond because we were experiencing the same friction from rubbing up against these rough places with the convictions filling our hearts.

It was wild.

And when I started this blog my original intentions to encourage young girls in my life were quickly abandoned. This place became an unloading dock for my passionate cries to those in my midst and the rough places I faced. This was where I came to voice what I felt Jesus was calling me to do. This was a place where I could confront the beliefs and actions of good-hearted people who had forgotten what it really looked like to follow Jesus.

This blog was my bullhorn, and the life of Christ was my battle cry.

But this funny thing happened when we picked up our little family and drove 4 and 1/2 hours away. I laid down my bullhorn, and my battle cry became a quiet conviction. You see, I'm not in a rough spot anymore. I don't feel like that lone disciple crying out on the hilltop. I am standing among a band of brothers whose voices are rising in unison, calling out to those in our midst together.

As a huge wave of peace has washed over me, I have lost the urgency in communicating the message that Jesus laid so heavily on my heart over the recent years and months and weeks.

I am so grateful to be in a place of like mindedness. But this, in many ways, has proven to empty my fingers of passionate words to type.

So where do I go from here? As I laid in bed last night processing this whole revelation, I thought maybe it was time to simply lay the Hill for Girls to rest. It was a fabulous experience; one that I will be forever grateful for. . . But I am tired of sitting at the computer trying to force something meaningful and passionate to appear on the screen. I can't force the Spirit to inspire me whenever I feel like I should post a blog.

But then I was praying this morning. Praying for 2 girls who have entered my life in the last few months that I love dearly already. . . girls who I worry about. I was praying and begging God to fill their hearts with a sincere desire to follow Jesus. And in that quiet moment with my Father I suddenly realized what I was supposed to do.

I'm picking up my bullhorn again. And the life of Christ is still my battle cry.

But it isn't about me anymore. It isn't about the rough places (or rough hearts) that are inspiring and challenging me to cry out. Its about the girls that God has placed right in front of me. It is time to start all over again; to remember why I started this blog in the first place.

So you'll probably notice a change in tone as I write in the coming days and weeks. I'm not promising that I'll write with any great frequency, just that when I do it will be out of a longing for these young treasures in my life to know and love Jesus. . . to understand what it actually means to live for Him. . . and to hopefully come to believe that the life He offers is worth sacrificing everything else.

Thank you to all of you who have read faithfully over the last year and a half, allowing me to put words to the emotions, struggles, joys, and lessons that have filled my life. I pray that God will continue to be at work in all of us, and that when we enter new seasons of life and lose the luster for the battle we've been fighting, that we would not lay down our bullhorn in surrender - but that we would open our hearts to the battle God has given us today.

One thing we know for sure; until the day Jesus returns this battle is not done.

I AM that crazy mom

Here I am! Alive and kicking and wading through each day as best I can. I have not lost contact with the world, though one might fairly assume that to be the case if you go by the frequency of my blog posts. The truth is that I have started a completely new season of my life and the adjustment time is taking a little longer than I had anticipated. I am now a mom of school aged children, and four mornings a week I have to have us all out the door and in the car by 8am. Amazingly, we've succeeded each morning we've tried so far. And in a lot of ways, I am absolutely loving the structure and routine that school provides.

The unfortunate reality is that I am no longer able to sit at the computer for an hour before the kids arise to articulate the depth of my thoughts on everything in life. I'm going to have to find another time to write.

And the truth of the matter is that I don't have much to say. It isn't that life is going wrong, or that I am disconnect from my Maker and Savior, or that I am struggling with any particular area of life. Quite the contrary, I am feeling incredibly blessed and encouraged in my faith; I am seeing God's hand move in amazing ways every day to provide for our needs and sustain us. This has been a fabulous season so far. . .

But for some reason, I'm having a hard time articulating any one particular thought. I have started to write at least 3 different posts, but none of them have ever seen completion. Today, however, I feel pretty strongly that I need to share what God is teaching me now. To do that, though, I need to share a thought I had the other day while shopping:

Matt and I had traveled down to Illinois to spend the weekend with his parents and my mother-in-law was watching the kids so that I could run some errands. I was in a store all on my own when I heard the unfortunate sound of a screaming child. I actually thought to myself, "Oh, Lord, thank you so much for giving me children who don't ever scream in stores or throw fits in public. It must be so difficult for women whose kids misbehave."

No, I'm not kidding - I actually thought that.

I am not going to get into the whole story of the events that followed culminating in my child shrieking through Marshall's and me throwing his shoes in the trash, but only remind you of that little saying pride comes before the fall, and let you know that I was swiftly kicked off my arrogant horse and reminded that neither my children nor me are perfect. As I carried my screaming child out of the store yesterday I suddenly had a revelation:

I am that crazy mom.

You see, sometimes its easy for me to get so comfortable in my little life that I forget that I am just as much a part of this fallen world as everyone else. I am just as desperately in need of God's wisdom, grace, and patience to get me through each day as my neighbor.

This morning I was praising God for His forgiveness and the truth that His mercy is new every morning. I am a sinner, not a saint. I will stumble and fall, but God's hand will lovingly pick me up, dust me off, and set me on my way again.

Hopefully I've learned a little lesson along the way here. Next time I pray that I'll handle the meltdown with more wisdom and discernment than I did yesterday. . . But in the in between time - from now until another fit comes - I hope that I'll remember to acknowledge in humility that none of us are defined by our meltdowns (or apparent lack of meltdowns) anyway; we are defined by our relationship to and dependence on the Creator and Sustainer of our souls.

I may be that crazy mom - but on a much more significant and eternal level,

I am that child of God.

Thank you, Jesus. . .

Glory to God

I know this will come as a bit of a shock, but sometimes I really love watching football. There are a couple of teams that I root for (I'll keep which ones to myself right now, thank you), but to be honest, I don't like watching football because of the actual game. I like watching football because of the stories. There are so many athletes who have pushed past tragedy, sickness, and devastation to become unbelievable players in their game. I think there is something so special about these individuals who have defied the odds and courageously stepped out onto that field. Yesterday I was quietly crying watching the story of one such player and his brother.

Their story is one that is difficult to hear. I didn't want it to be true. Elliott Mealer plays for the Wolverines. 3 years ago, though, the Mealer family was involved in an accident on Christmas Eve. The boys' father and Elliott's girlfriend were instantly killed. Elliott damaged his shoulder trying to roll the car over, and his brother, Brock, was paralyzed from the waist down. The doctors gave Brock grim news soon after. He had a 1% chance of walking again. Never mind the likelihood that their hearts would ever heal. . .

Horrifying. Absolutely heartbreaking. But these brothers were out on the football field yesterday - together. And Brock walked. Brock walked on the field with his brother. He was wearing a shirt (in Wolverine colors, of course) that had a huge figure on his chest: 1%. That was the number given to Brock by the doctors. He had defeated all of the odds. He had fought a seemingly impossible battle and won.

But the part that filled my heart beyond emotional capacity was what it said right above the 1% on his shirt. Glory to God.

A sportscaster sat down with Brock later during the game to talk with him about his experience. The reporter asked him where he found the strength to have such a positive attitude in the midst of such a tragedy. This young man smiled and shared that it had been his faith - the work of God his Father - that got him through it. There is nothing but the strength that God offers that can so miraculously heal legs, and arms, and hearts. . .

It was a powerful reminder to me. No matter what percentage we've been given for success in this world, God is bigger, and stronger, and wiser. Glory to God.




Glory to God.

Unbelievable

I have something important to tell you. You might want to sit down. Some crazy things (ok - one majorly crazy thing) have been happening these last couple of weeks, and I have been completely convinced (ok, well, I was convinced before) about a couple major truths. Here we go, ready?

God is real. And God is intimately involved in the details of our lives.

Remember that last post about being homesick and feeling an ache and a longing for the friendships and the home I left behind up north? Well, God did something wild on our 4 hour drive up there that completely changed my perspective and deepened my faith in His ability to do anything.

You see, we own this beautiful little home on Alma Lake in the Northwoods. We spent 2 years completely redoing the main level, and I was convinced that some happy couple would walk in, fall in love, and offer us our asking price within 2 weeks of listing it on the market! Oddly enough, that hasn't happened. In fact, it has been on the market for 3 months now and has only had one showing. No joke. ONE SHOWING! What is the deal with that?

So Matt and I were beginning to worry about how we were going to handle the finances and take care of this property and still be settled into life down here. As I blogged about a few weeks ago, I was terrified that seeing our house empty would make me sad; that I would long to fill it up again with laughter and yummy smells and tiny feet running around. . .

We were set to drive up north on Sunday afternoon. My job was to clean up the house and then Matt would mow the lawn before we headed back home to Oconomowoc on Tuesday. That morning at Oakwood Church a young family we had met at a bible study (the only bible study we have attended since moving here and joining this church of 800) commented that another couple in the study had just accepted a job offer in a town called Minocqua. If you are unfamiliar with northern Wisconsin, Minocqua is about 20 minutes from our home in St Germain. I laughed at the unlikely circumstances and joked about knowing a great home that they could purchase.

It wasn't until several hours later (in the car driving up north, in fact) when I told Matt about the crazy "coincidence" that he asked with wide, hopeful eyes, "Do you think they might want to rent our house?"

Duh. Hadn't thought of that. Amazingly, we happened to have another mutual friend's phone number with us in the car. I called that friend and mentioned our idea. She shrieked and said they were definitely looking for a place and in fact they had just posted on facebook how they were having a difficult time finding anything.

She gave us their phone number and by the time we were an hour away we had a meeting set up with the husband of this young couple to see the house the next morning (oh, I should note here that he was in St Germain, staying in a cabin about half a mile from our house).

Suddenly, my fears about seeing our house were washed away. I was so excited imagining this sweet couple living there and making it their own home. In one short, 4 hour car trip God provided for our needs (and their needs) - financially and emotionally. He showed up and worked out this crazy scenario. Who would have thought that a couple from our new church would move up north and live in our old house??!?!

And if you aren't convinced that God is in the middle of all of this, you should probably know that 1 year ago (before we had ever heard of Oakwood church) our street name was changed. Oddly enough, it was changed to Oakwood Court. Just sayin'. . .

I believe God is real. And I believe that God is intimately involved in the details of my life.

Homesick

I have been asked several times over the last few weeks how I'm doing with the transition and if we're settled into life down here. My response is always an overwhelming yes, affirming that we are so blessed to have our little home and are loving ministry at our new church. Both of those statements are completely true. It feels so wonderful to know with such certainty that we have followed God's call on our lives, and I can so clearly see the fruit that is already coming from that decision. I am also enjoying the change of pace in my own life, as I have limited my involvement at church to supporting Matt and have made a larger priority of taking care of my two little ones. And if I'm really being honest, here, I have also found an inappropriately large amount of joy from just knowing I can go to Target whenever I want. =)

But over the past few days I have also realized that in my enjoyment of some of life's changes over the last 6 weeks, I have totally ignored the enormous, gaping hole that now exists in my heart. I think I actually convinced myself for a while that it didn't exist.

I know what revealed the hole to me so clearly. . . Matt has a workshop up north next week and I suddenly have the opportunity to spend 24 hours visiting friends and checking up on our house. At first I was just so excited for an opportunity to visit some of the people that I spent a lot of time with during our 4 years there, but as I've thought more about it I am completely and totally terrified.

Terrified because I am finally facing the reality of what I left behind almost 2 months ago. A house that we labored over and loved; students who touched our lives as much as we touched theirs; friends who brought joy, laughter, support, encouragement and more life-change than I could have ever dreamed to experience.

I knew, and still know, that leaving was the right choice. But in the midst of affirming the rightness of that choice, I have shielded my heart from thinking about the hurts of the reality that came with it. My heart is aching for the friends that walked with me through the first few years with my kids and the culmination of my 10-year-long wait to get baptized.

And yet, I am so excited and overjoyed at the prospect of what the coming years have for us here. While I have yet to develop deep, strong bonds with anyone here yet, I know that it will come. God has always been faithful to provide dear friendships that have sustained me and encouraged me.

No matter how much it might hurt to move on and leave behind such amazing and significant people, God has orchestrated both their entrance and their exit from my daily life. In His great plans He has something for us all here and now. . .

And of course, it always helps to remember that neither place is actually my home. We are wanderers and vagabonds on this earth, moving from one temporary dwelling to another until our Mighty God eventually calls us home. When I think about how much I long for my friends up north, I am reminded of how that should pale in comparison to how much I long for my Savior. . .

For instance, we know that when these bodies of ours are taken down like tents and folded away, they will be replaced by resurrection bodies in heaven—God-made, not handmade— and we'll never have to relocate our "tents" again. Sometimes we can hardly wait to move—and so we cry out in frustration. Compared to what's coming, living conditions around here seem like a stopover in an unfurnished shack, and we're tired of it! We've been given a glimpse of the real thing, our true home, our resurrection bodies! The Spirit of God whets our appetite by giving us a taste of what's ahead. He puts a little of heaven in our hearts so that we'll never settle for less. 1 Corinthians 5:1-5 (the message)

It's not about me. Or you.

When I was in college I led a bible study of younger girls at our dorm. One of the issues that often came up was our tendency to obsessive about ourselves - specifically our perceived weaknesses and strengths. There was a worship song that was popular at the time that said "It's all about you, Jesus, only you." In jest, I would often change the words and sing to the girls (sarcastically, of course), "It's all about me, Erin, only me." The girls would giggle and we'd move on, but on some level I hope and pray that the point hit home.

We all have the tendency to make our lives about us. We worry about how we look, what people think, whether we are worthy, whether any boys have their eyes on us, and on and on. We live in a culture that tells us that our success in life is completely wrapped up in our appearance and our material pileup of stuff. Sorry boys, but you fit into that category as well; a living and breathing addition to our material pileup of stuff that supposedly adds credit to our credentials.

I have absolutely no idea how to successfully counteract this teaching with truth. I mean, I know what the truth is, I just can't figure out how to convince young girls that it really is better the way that God meant it to be.

There is something so much better; a way of living that brings such deeper joy, satisfaction and fulfillment. I can't even begin to describe what it feels to be free. Truly free. I have lived in both worlds, and I am convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that every single person who would honestly and seriously try walking God's way would never turn back. There wouldn't be anything appealing to turn to. . .

And yet, somehow I have failed to convince many girls that this is true. I have watched in overwhelming sadness as they have heard about this man named Jesus, spoken of a great affection for Him, and then turned and followed the opposite path towards self-gratification. They have walked away from Christ and pursued worldly success and material pileup. Oh, it breaks my heart. . .

And its humbling. . . Because it reminds me that it isn't about me either. I can't use my amazing wit or depth of wisdom to convince anyone of anything. Its the work of God Himself through His Holy Spirit that convicts hearts and draws young women to Himself. I can only do so much; and in the end its all about Jesus, not about me anyway.

I am praying for the young women in my life this morning. Begging the God who can calm the seas and send rain from the heavens to move in their hearts and forever change their lives. I pray that they would see Jesus and realize that He is worth more than this world could ever offer. . . No worldly success or material pileup could compare with this Redeemer of mine.

It's all about you, Jesus. Only you.

Never Give Up

Well, I'm 30 now. Its funny how old that seemed at one point in my life. . . Now I'm ready for it! I love that I'm 30, and I feel like this next decade is going to be fabulous. I've been thinking a lot about my post last week, especially in light of my birthday. If you didn't see it, I had shared about my (frustrating) tendency to change who I am and how I act depending on the people that I'm around.

The thing is, though, that when I wrote that post I wasn't writing it in a discouraged or defeated way. I had seen something in myself (well, with the help of a certain love of mine pointing it out), and was processing the good, the bad, and the ugly. I didn't cry (amazing!), and by the end of the discussion/reflection time I was actually encouraged thinking about what God can and will do through me.

That, my friends, is why I'm excited to be 30. Not making sense yet?

You see, there is a beautiful thing that comes from age and experience (though you don't need either of those things to gain it!) called maturity. Just a few short years ago if anyone I loved pointed out a sin issue in my life I would crumble to the floor in tears and self loathing. I was incapable of receiving constructive criticism without letting it effect my own feelings of self worth.

But now, God has done this crazy thing in me. He has given me this unwavering confidence in where I stand with Him. He has affirmed in me His great love and unfailing mercy, and I am not afraid to discover (and consequently share) my weaknesses and struggles with others. I'm not afraid because I finally understand and believe that they don't define me.

I am a child of God. I am loved, forgiven, redeemed, adopted, and filled. I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine. . .

On some level I will probably always be fighting my people-pleasing tendencies, but I am aware of that propensity and continually pray and work towards a single-minded, Christ-pleasing mentality.

I am running after Christ and throwing off the hindrances that distract me from my cause. I'm not sinless, but I know I sin less. And when I do stumble along the way the path to repentance seems much clearer than it did before.

When you feel overwhelmed and discouraged with your sin, and when it feels like you will never turn that corner and be completely free, remember that sometimes it isn't until you turn around and look back that you realize how much you've really grown.

And when it is difficult to see growth even there, take your eyes off of your struggles and remember who you are, and whose you are. . .

Ephesians 1:3-11 (the message):

How blessed is God! And what a blessing he is! He's the Father of our Master, Jesus Christ, and takes us to the high places of blessing in him. Long before he laid down earth's foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son.

Because of the sacrifice of the Messiah, his blood poured out on the altar of the Cross, we're a free people—free of penalties and punishments chalked up by all our misdeeds. And not just barely free, either. Abundantly free! He thought of everything, provided for everything we could possibly need, letting us in on the plans he took such delight in making. He set it all out before us in Christ, a long-range plan in which everything would be brought together and summed up in him, everything in deepest heaven, everything on planet earth.

It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.

Chameleon

Do you ever find yourself in situations where it is difficult to really be yourself? Like you have to veil a part of who you are, or emulate something that isn't necessarily what you're like? I find myself feeling this way often. . . I know where it comes from; why I do it. It isn't a quality that I hope to pass on to my children, because the root issue at hand here is my desperate longing for acceptance and approval from others who cross my path (not a desirable or Christ-like longing).

My chameleon tendencies are exaggerated even further because I have this natural dramatic flair that makes it really easy for me to change into whatever "character" best fits whatever context I happen to find myself in. I can even change the way I talk and how I communicate like flippin' a switch.

I'm telling you all this because I'm trying to be real (the whole point of this blog, yes?) but it is an unfortunate and difficult thing to admit (especially seeing as how it is something I have recognized and fought against time and time again over the years. . . ). I want to be the kind of woman who is consistent and transparent in all circumstances; no matter who I'm around or what they are like. I want to be completely unafraid to be who I am. You see, it isn't that my actions or words in these situations are sinful, its the heart behind them that is longing for acceptance from people instead of God.

I am most convicted when I think about Christ. Do you think he ever changed the way he spoke or how he acted in order to convince the crowds that he was fabulous? Do you think he allowed the attitudes and behaviors of others to define his behavior? No way, my friends. . . I am convinced that Jesus was completely unconcerned with acceptance, and completely consumed with truth. It didn't matter how others perceived him, only that he was following after the will of his Father.

I am also convicted when I think about God, my Father. His unchanging character is what gives us the greatest confidence and assurance of our eternal destiny with Him. If He was continually swaying with the wind, following the fickle desires of His heart, we would have no confidence in where we stand. But He is a rock; unmovable, unchangeable, forever and always the same. How awesome is that?

So, that's where my heart is this morning. . . Immensely grateful for a Savior who lived the greatest example, and for a God who offers unending opportunities to be molded into the example Christ has set (and through His Spirit the power to do it!).

Oh, pray with me that we would all run unashamedly after Christ in whatever capacity He has fashioned us to run!

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10

He grew up before him like a tender shoot, like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. Isaiah 53:3

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17

Lead me on

Now that I have been out of routine for a few weeks I'm finding it difficult to find that place of consistency again. . . In some ways that is good. Some old habits that needed to change have been altogether erased without much effort on my part. Writing, however, seems to have been added to the list of neglected activities, and that is frustrating. . . I guess I should extend myself some grace - after all, our life was turned upside down a couple weeks ago. I just have this inner longing to be settled and scheduled the minute I arrive somewhere new. Its an unrealistic and unnecessary need, but one that I feel deeply nonetheless.

So my lack of posting is annoying to me, because there is no shortage of activity going on inside this head and heart of mine. I am doing my best to catalog this experience in my long term memory; cementing this time so that one day I can look back and relive the joys and fears and wonders of the transition.

The truth of the matter is that everything is different in my life right now. I feel like I was headed 100 miles an hour in one direction and suddenly (overnight!) shifted 180 degrees the opposite way. . . Neither direction is inherently good or bad - just different. I am loving this different. I am grateful for this opportunity and expectant for what God will do.

I look to the road I was on and I can see how God truly works all things for the good of those who love Him. I see how His hand was leading us and how His Spirit transformed us. I think about the friendships that we developed and the lives that we touched, and I am grateful. It was good.

And now I look ahead to the road before us, and I am excited. . . Oh, how awesome it is to live the life! What amazing joy and hope and assurance there is when we follow Jesus - really follow Jesus. Its gonna be good. Different in every way, but good.

One day I'll look back on this time and see it as the road I was on, rather than the one I currently travel. I'll recognize the ways that God worked in us and through us here, and hopefully I'll be able to turn my face to the new road ahead and feel the same anxious anticipation and hope that I feel right now.

We keep our eyes on Jesus, we follow regardless of the cost, and we race on for the joy set before us, for the road yet traveled.

Oh, this is gonna be a good road. I can tell already. . .

Rebel with a cause

I am not naturally rebellious. I am a rule follower. Give me a rule; I will follow it. I am horrified by the idea of failing to meet others' expectations, and even more distraught at the thought of actually getting into trouble. Last week we were rebuked by the association where we live for using sidewalk chalk on the walkway to our apartment. I cried. Now, I'm pretty sure I was not just crying about breaking the rule, but it pushed me over the edge nonetheless.

You have to love the way God works, though, because He has pushed my rule-following ways to the absolute limit lately. You see, for some reason He has instilled this far greater need within me to follow Jesus. Jesus first, rules second. That might sound strange, because we usually assume that those two are equivalent. Jesus made the rules, right?

Not necessarily. Jesus laid out a passion, a plan, and a purpose for each of our lives. When we look to His life, His teaching, and His example we gain a clear picture of how we are to live. The problem is that over time we tend to develop an aching need to paint the picture a little clearer and add to the example of Christ.

Sometimes we can become so bogged down in following our revised vision of the Christian life that we lose sight of Christ altogether (Mark 7). When we lose sight of Christ, the clear passion, plan and purpose for our lives becomes lost as well. We begin to live in a morality bubble where following the rules somehow trumps following Christ.

Lately, there have been moments where I actually feel rebellious. Strange, isn't it, that I could feel rebellious following Christ? Especially seeing as how it most often occurs when I'm with other Christians. . .

Rules aren't bad or wrong. Sometimes I think we just forget the why behind the rule and the rule becomes the end instead of the means. Or we just accept the rule without really processing it through the words and life of Christ to determine if its actually legitimate.

Jesus first. Rules second.

If you love me, you will obey what I command. John 14:15

It isn't that we're not to be obedient, only that our obedience flows first from our love. We focus on our relationship with Christ and look to Him for our standards for living. Love Him first and obedience to Him follows quite easily.

Jesus first. Rules second.

Works every time. . .

Ready or Not

I got my hair chopped off again. I've been in a consistent cycle for about the last 15 years of chopping it off and "growing it out." The growing out part never really reaches its full end, because I get tired of it all much too quickly for it to grow very much. And that, my friends, is the story of my life. As a kid I rearranged my room constantly, and if you haven't noticed my propensity to "redecorate" this blog on a regular basis then you haven't been paying much attention. I love change. I see it as an adventure, and without some sort of change - well, I'm afraid life might get a little boring.

As a follower of Christ, we have to be ready for change. We have to be willing to "redecorate" our lives as we learn what it means to walk with Jesus and model our lives after His. Sometimes following Christ will mean big changes - like, for example, moving! - and sometimes it will mean small ones - like being more generous with our time right where we are. Whatever it might look like in each of our lives, our willingness to change makes all the difference in the kind of disciples we are.

I think Jesus' first disciples are great examples for us in the area of change. They dropped everything to follow Him. They walked away from their careers and their families. Matthew puts it like this:

As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. "Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men." At once they left their nets and followed him. Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Jesus called them, and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him. Matthew 4:18-22

Pretty crazy, huh? Can you even imagine just up and walking away from your life as you know it? Thankfully, we are not all called to leave our homes or our families in order to follow Christ. Some of us will experience changes in our character and influence as we model our lives after the example of our Savior, but not in our location or vocation.

Others of us will have to take wild and seemingly crazy steps outside our comfort zones to follow the calling God has placed on our lives. I know a young woman who is overseas sharing the Gospel in a country where Christianity is a dangerous choice to make. Her family was frustrated and angered by her decision to follow Christ to this dangerous place. . . She did indeed have to walk away from her home and the ones she loves in order to stick to her guns and walk in the dust of her Rabbi. I pray for her, and hope that she experiences the joy of knowing that she was faithful even when it was difficult.

And that is the truth that we all must face in one way or another. No matter how much any of us may like change, following Christ will at some point require changes that are hard. I may love cutting my hair, but I absolutely hate walking away from individuals who have breathed life, joy, and wisdom into me every week for the last several years. It is never easy to surrender ourselves completely because it means that we no longer have the option of just making the choices that satisfy our personal preferences and desires.

I want to be willing to go where God wants me to go, and to stay where He wants me to stay. I want to be the kind of disciple that follows in an "at once" and "immediately" kind of way. It isn't always easy, but boy - it is worth it!

"I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." - Jesus, John 8:12

The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day. Proverbs 4:18

In a Fog

It has been a while since I have sat down at this computer to process life with you all. There seem to be about 100 reasons why, but mostly I think my brain feels mushy. And when my brain feels mushy there isn't much sense in trying to say anything meaningful - at least not on the world wide web where everyone will get to experience the ridiculous mushiness firsthand.

You see, life is moving so fast; each day seeming to go faster than the one before it. I think that is probably normal when facing big transitions, but it has surprised me none the less. I am usually the type of person who analyzes life daily and deeply. I am constantly processing the circumstances I am facing and determining the state of my heart and relationship with Christ in the midst of it.

Right now, though, I feel like I'm in a little bit of survival mode. I am plodding along through each day, trying to do my best to prepare my family and friends for the transition that is about to take place. I am praying that God would work out the details and trusting that He is in control. And in that prayer I think I am starting to understand why I feel mushy and unable to analyze my life in this transition right now.

I am not in control.

I don't have a clue what is going to happen, how its going to feel, or what the long term effects will be. I've never done this before. I don't really know what I'm doing.

Yet, somehow, I'm not too worried about my complete lack of control. I know that as long as I'm searching desperately for God's face in the midst of the packing and goodbyes, well, then I'll be okay. We will all be okay.

This is the power and beauty and wonder of the Christian life. It is an adventure that at times seems safe and at times seems more dangerous than we would have ever dreamed. I don't want to be afraid of those dangerous times, because I truly believe that it is when we are willing to follow Christ even into the danger zones we experience the power and presence of God in the most amazing ways.

I have no idea what the coming days and weeks will bring; I can't begin to guess how it will feel or what I will learn. But I do know that so long as we keep running after Jesus we'll be stronger and wiser and closer to Him in the end.

I'm still a little mushy, but I haven't fallen off the map altogether. Maybe once all is said and done I'll be able to process the lessons from this season of life a little more deeply. . . or maybe not. Maybe a year from now I'll still be looking back wondering how it all happened, and simply acknowledging the fact that even when I am mushy and confused, He has the whole world in His hands.

Praise the Maker

Last week I talked about celebrating, and the way that God the Father so lavishly celebrates us when we turn to Him for life and salvation. I was encouraged and challenged to do a better job of celebrating the people in my own life. . . And recently its gotten me thinking about how we, as Christians, do in this area in general. How good are we (as the body of Christ) at celebrating the people around us?

Do we lavishly celebrate those who come to Christ? Are we joyfully praising those who have made steps to walk more closely with their Savior? When brothers and sisters use the gifts that God has given them to glorify Jesus and expand God's kingdom, do we praise and thank them in tangible ways for their giftedness and service?

Unfortunately, I think many times the answer to those questions would have to be no. It seems strange to me that we would not be quick to celebrate, praise and encourage each other, but somehow I think we have twisted the purpose for the encouragement and made it something unholy.

I have heard 2 reasons (stemming from the same issue) for why we hold back our praise instead of lavishly celebrating one another. First, people are afraid that by celebrating an individual they are somehow stealing praise from God. I have a problem with this line of thinking because it seems to ignore the fact that we have been created by God, and that when we praise each other we are, in essence, praising God.

For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10 (NLT)

We are God's greatest work of art, His crowning achievement in all of creation. We have been created in His image, and every good gift we have comes from him. When we exercise those gifts we are bringing glory to our Creator. Think about it this way: imagine an artist who has painted a phenomenal portrait. She is unbelievably proud of this work and often visits the gallery where it hangs to watch other peoples' reactions to it. Do you think she is bothered when the crowds ohh and ahh over this piece of artwork? Do you think she feels slighted and offended that they are talking about the painting instead of the artist? NO!!! When people walk through and praise her painting she beams with pride and joy because the picture is, in many ways, her. She is one with her prized piece and any accolades that her art receives go straight to her; even if the adoring crowd has no idea who the artist is.

In the same way God has created each of us uniquely and has gifted us for a specific purpose. When someone praises my musical ability they are praising my God - because He made me this way. Sure, I practiced and prepared and worked hard to achieve a high level of musicianship, but God gave me the fingers to play the songs and the ears to hear the beat. I believe that my musical ability is the result of God in me. I believe He is standing at the back of the sanctuary, beaming with pride when my brothers and sisters encourage and applaud my offering. When they encourage me, they essentially acknowledge Him.

The second reason I have heard for holding back praise is that it creates an environment in-conducive to humility. If we praise and encourage someone for a particular gift they have we run the risk of giving them a "big head" and causing them to stumble.

I am sorry, but that is just not biblical. The Scriptures are filled to overflowing with wild, passionate encouragements for believers. Paul goes on and on at the start of just about every letter about the wonderful things he has heard about the individuals he is writing to. He is honest about their weaknesses, but he doesn't fail to applaud and encourage their successes. (Think about the way the angel addresses Mary in Luke: "Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you." He didn't say, "Greetings, you who are mostly favored - but don't let that get to your head because you are also a sinner and need to remember that you have a long way to go before you will be truly worthy, so, let's not get too excited here.")

The truth of the matter is this: it isn't my job to keep you humble, nor is it your job to humble me. If we withhold praise for fear of sending someone down the wrong path, we often jump start their journey in that direction. I am more likely to become self consumed when I am uncertain of other people's perceptions of me. In fact, I become paralyzed when I feel insecure and unsure of how people actually feel. When I am encouraged, however, I feel free to continue running after Christ, using the gifts He has given me without shame or fear of rejection.

If a true follower of Christ is encouraged to the point of self obsession, then you can be certain that the Holy Spirit will move in their lives and bring them back to a place of humility. We all need to remember where we stand; that our gifts make us no more worthy than any other individual we know. It is not our strengths that define us, but our Savior.

We have, however, been given these gifts to strengthen each other and edify the body. Lets be the kind of people who praise the believers in our midst, instilling within them a great level of confidence in the way that God made them. Lets praise them for who God made them to be, filling them with courage to offer their gifts to the best of their ability.

Lets praise each other, knowing that ultimately we are praising the one and only Creator.

the cross & the call

Its another quiet, rainy morning here in the Northwoods. I am enjoying my coffee and reflecting on my bible study. Simultaneously challenged and encouraged by the ferocity of Jesus' call on our lives. Oh, how He loves us; and oh, how He longs for us to walk with Him.

I know that I'm still in process. There are things I know and believe but have struggled to really live. There are pieces of my life that I sometimes procrastinate in handing over to God. I don't have it all together, but I believe that my picture of the Christian life is getting clearer and clearer all the time. I am learning so much about what it truly means to follow Jesus; and unfortunately learning how we as Christians have softened, twisted, and manipulated Jesus' calling.

My heart's desire is to know Christ and Him crucified. To understand what it truly means to follow after Him; to pick up my cross; to lose this life and surrender it before Him. I don't want to simply go through the motions of spirituality and faith. I don't want to be good and moral simply for the sake of being good and moral.

I want more. And I want to know that I am not watering down and diminishing what God requires but running passionately into the life He has prepared. Jesus redeemed my life from the pit. He suffered and died on a cross to make a way for me to be with Him for eternity. As I contemplate that cross this morning, I hope and pray that my eyes will clearly see and my heart fully accept the implications that His cross has for me.

To be crucified means, first, the man on the cross is facing only one direction; second, he is not going back; and third, he has no further plans of his own. - A.W. Tozer

Celebrate

Today is Matt's birthday. He's pretty easy to please when it comes to holidays like birthdays and anniversaries. Before the kids came along (and when they were smaller) it was tempting to keep the festivities to a minimum. Matt certainly doesn't have any expectations about there being cake and streamers and presents on the table. . . But Caleb and Ali do. It is a big deal to them that today is Daddy's birthday. If we went through this whole day and didn't do anything to celebrate, I think they would actually be heartbroken.

I love that they have such a fierce passion for celebrating. This past weekend we celebrated the birthday of a great friend. After making the cake Caleb ran to his room to bring out party supplies. He thought it would be fun to play Yahtzee at "the party," and since my decorations were limited he brought out his graduation balloon to help with the celebration. It was a big deal to him. They are exponentially more obsessive about their own birthdays, but I think its awesome that they want so badly to help other people celebrate their birthdays, too!

This morning I read the story of the prodigal son in Luke 15. What a great reminder of the way that God the Father celebrates over us, His beloved sons and daughters. There is no minimalism in God's festivities when it comes to His children coming back home to Him. No matter how far we have strayed or how long we stayed away, God is not ashamed to run to us, throw His arms around us, and order the biggest party of the year in celebration of our return.

I am going to celebrate my hubby today. I am going to try and do it with the same fierce passion that I see in my children - and in my God.

Don't be afraid to go a little over the top in celebrating the people in your life. . . after all, its a beautifully tangible reminder of how God celebrates over us.

Experiencing Unseen Assurance

The verse under the title of this blog is one of my favorites. I thought it was a particularly appropriate verse to put there because *hopefully* it is a reminder that these are thoughts and meditations of a girl who is in process, not one who is under some crazy assumption that she has arrived. Every time I sit down at this computer to write a post I am simply putting words and stories to the truths that I am learning in that particular moment.

That said, I absolutely love to hear the feedback and insight of others in relation to my reflections. Its like a big group quiet time where we can refine each others' thinking and encourage each other toward Christ. Yesterday I got a message from a friend who had a challenging question regarding yesterday's post. I was so excited! I need people like him (yes, it is a him, and he is aware that this is The Hill for Girls. . . ) in my life to keep me from running so far with my reflections that I veer away from truth. Anyway, I was excited to hear his feedback and I want to share his question and my subsequent reflections with you all this morning. . . Here we go!

Question:
Is it really true that we can't hug Jesus this side of eternity? . . . Jesus hugs me everyday in the form of my wife, kids, friends, etc. After all, Paul names us "the body of Christ," right? That's pretty tangible and concrete language both for kids and for grownups!

Awesome point, my friend!

Answer:
(In my humble and not infallible opinion) Yes and no. In one sense my original statement is true because Jesus is no longer here in His physical form. In the book of John Jesus talks a lot about his leaving; trying to prepare his disciples for the ministry to come once he left. In John 13 Jesus says, "My children, I will be with you only a little longer. You will look for me, and just as I told the Jews, so I tell you now: Where I am going you cannot come. . . you cannot follow now, but you will follow later."

Physically, Jesus is not with us anymore. I long for the day that I will see Him face to face. . . Hebrews 11 says, "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." So there is an element of 'unseeing' in the Christian life. We cannot see Christ in His tangible, physical form, and yet we can be certain that He is real and that His love is steadfast.

In another sense my friend is absolutely right. We experience Christ through our relationships with others here on earth. The body of Christ is the incarnation of Christ here and now. In Matthew 26 it says, "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." When we love and serve each other we are loving and serving Christ.

I long for the day when I will see Christ, but I rejoice in the here and now because I experience Christ over and over all day long! I might not see Him, but His presence is felt in so many different ways.

The real point I was trying to make yesterday is that even though we cannot physically see Jesus, we can learn to "hear" His voice and "feel" His love. I believe that one of the ways God most often accomplishes that is through other people (like our spouses, kids, friends, etc). There is a very good reason that God put us in relationships with others - we are not meant to experience the Christian life alone. Our faith is best experienced and lived out in the context of community. We are Jesus for each other, and we wait for Jesus with each other.

So yes, we can hug Jesus today! And no, we won't hug Him until He returns in glory to bring us home!

Ok - I've shared my perspective, now it is your turn. What do you think??

Unseen Assurance

It is very entertaining listening to Caleb and Ali talk about God. They understand everything that's concrete, and not much else. Yesterday Ali was doing something Caleb didn't like and Caleb told her that Jesus wouldn't want her doing that (apparently Jesus takes sides). Then he proceeded to say (very matter-of-factly) that he knows Jesus loves him, but that he can't hug Jesus because Jesus lives in the sky. Ali agreed, and they moved on to something else.

And I sat there in silence, my heart beaming with joy at the simple acknowledgment of my son. I know he doesn't get it. I know that he's just repeating words that he's heard someone speak. But its truth, and I love hearing him say it.

We can't hug Christ, but we can be assured of His love for us. The bible is full of examples and explanations of God's wild and uninhibited love for His children. In John 10 Jesus tells us that He is the Good Shepherd. Those who believe in Him are the sheep within His pasture.

The watchman opens the gate for [the shepherd], and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and the sheep follow him because they know his voice. John 10:3-4

I love that picture of the Christian life. We have a shepherd who loves us and cares for us. We follow Him because we know His voice. It gets even better when you understand the cultural context of the analogy in biblical times. . .

Each morning the shepherd would call the sheep to follow him to pasture. This is interesting because in most places around the world, sheep are driven. But in the Middle East, they are led. Now the only way to do that is to train the sheep to respond to your voice. You do that by naming each lamb and caring for it tenderly. It learns to follow the voice of the shepherd for provision and protection. Even when several flocks are boarded in the same pen, each sheep will only follow its own shepherd's voice. It is really quite extraordinary. (The Preaching of Jesus, Moore & Weece)

Sometimes I think we struggle to hear the voice of Jesus amidst all of the clang and clamor of this world. There are other 'shepherds' vying for our attention; impostors promising us life and joy if only we would follow them. We hear their voices because they are so close, so real, and so alluring. . .

And sometimes Jesus seems so far. We can't see Him or touch Him or feel Him. But we must know that it is our own hearts and minds that lose sight of our True Shepherd's calling. He never stops leading us, we simply stop following.

I've been listening to some fabulous worship music the last few days, and one song in particular speaks straight to this truth. The bridge goes like this:

Though I have not seen Him
My heart knows Him well
Jesus Christ the Lamb
The Lord of Heaven

And that, my friends, is the beautiful mystery of the Christian life. The more we live for Christ, the more we will feel and believe and trust in His love and leading. We don't need to see Him to believe on Him.

Jesus is the Good Shepherd. He is calling your name and longing for you to trust in His provision and protection. You may not be able to hug Him this side of heaven, but you can be assured of His love.

Though I have not seen Him, my heart knows Him well. I hope your heart knows Him too. . .

Over the Top for Jesus

Do you ever have days where you see the same phrase over and over in different contexts? Yesterday it was "Over the Top" for me. I either heard or saw that phrase at lease 4 times. I like that phrase - over the top. Its a great 3 word description of how I like to live life.

I think its also a pretty good description of the kind of life that Jesus calls us to live. I am amazed to see so many Christians bored and apathetic about the Christian life. Sometimes I seriously think that they must be reading a different bible. How can you possibly miss the "over the top" calling that Christ has placed on us? How can you not see the amazing adventure that awaits us when we lay our own lives and agendas at the foot of the cross and pick up His?

A few years ago someone made an interesting comment to me about my hubby. They suggested that over time he would learn that he really should tone it down a little bit when it comes to his passion and zeal for Christ and ministry.

I'm sorry, what?

That was one of those moments where I couldn't believe my own two ears. Where in the bible does Jesus suggest that our love should be tame? What on earth would lead anyone to think that toning it down is an option in the Christian life?

This morning I was reading the story of the Good Samaritan in Luke 10. Yet another reminder of the dangerous, wild love we are called to share with anyone and everyone whose paths we cross. The author of my bible study puts it like this:

If we are to be godly, we must be thoroughly enmeshed in humanity. Dangerously, blindly, and sacrificially, we must engage a world that is beaten, bloodied, and naked. And if we don't, we must question the status of our salvation. (The Preaching of Jesus, Moore & Weece)

I am so grateful that I married a man who is passionately in love with Jesus and who is willing to stick his neck out there in sacrificial commitment to his calling. I am hoping and praying today that we will be totally unafraid and unashamed to live out our faith with serious passion and total commitment.

After all, in the very words of Christ:

Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. Matthew 10:37-39

That doesn't sound tame or toned down to me. . . Sounds more like wild love and complete surrender.

Actually, I might go so far as to say it sounds a little over the top. Love it.

Humbled & Calmed

Do you ever have moments where the most common sense things seem revolutionary and life changing? That happens to me a lot. I'm not sure why I react so deeply to things I've known on one level or another for so long, but I'm grateful for the revelations because they draw me nearer to the heart of God. They also tend to give me a better picture of what my heart is supposed to look like. . .

Yesterday I was reading and writing about life. Somehow I ended up reading in 1 Peter 5 (Well, I know how. I was reading verses on humility. Don't ask me why.)

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:6-7

As I was soaking up those words it struck me as interesting that in one train of thought we are encouraged to be humble and then instructed to not worry. And I thought to myself, what is the connection between humility and worry?

And then, my friends, the floodgates of understanding opened and I saw the direct cause and effect relationship between our pride and our anxiety. When we feel like it is our giftedness, or our worthiness, or our glory that gives our life meaning, we have a lot to worry about. Because when our sense of worth comes from within it also means that our worth is ours to lose. Suddenly it really matters what others think of me. It matters how I'm dressed and what kind of car I drive. Suddenly I'm in a tornado of anxiety about maintaining my status because it depends on me.

But when we humble ourselves; when our worth comes from Christ, and Christ alone - well, then we don't have much to worry about, do we? It doesn't matter what I have or what others think of me. My destiny is secure and my identity is complete. I have nothing to fear and no reason to worry when I humbly lay myself at the foot of the cross.

So next time you find yourself suffering from a little anxiety about a particular situation, ask yourself this: Am I trusting myself and my own resources to see me through? Am I arrogantly assuming that it is up to me to figure this out?

When we humble ourselves we lay down our expectations for what life should be and accept the calling that God has placed on us. And as difficult as it might seem to get to that point, I can promise you that once you're there you will see that ultimately there is no greater way to live.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

I am praying that as I lay myself before the foot of the cross, trusting completely in the yoke of my Savior, that His peace would overwhelm me. I am praying the same for you. . . Come to Him and lay your expectations and anxieties at His feet.

You will not be disappointed.

To Infinity, and Beyond!

Sometimes I like to think of myself as Superwoman. There is nothing I cannot accomplish when I'm motivated. Well, at least that is what I like to think. I have been known to tackle projects that are totally inappropriate for me to be doing on my own (like the time Matt came home and found me half way up the stairs from the basement precariously holding my digital Yamaha keyboard. . . good thing he walked in when he did - I had been standing there for about 3 minutes trying not to drop it and attempting to discern the best course of action).

Today was another one of those days. I decided I should borrow a friend's pickup truck and take a load of trash to the dump about 10 miles from our house (I've never done this before, by the way). I was feeling pretty good about that decision at first. I got that truck filled to overflowing without too much trouble. I covered the whole load with a large tarp that I tucked down into the bed around the garbage. As I backed out of my driveway I was feeling a little smug and self-satisfied at what an exceptionally versatile woman I am.

Then I drove about a 1/8 of a mile, and the wind caught my little tarp.

The next half hour consisted of me driving as slow as I possibly could, stopping every mile or so to try to secure my load and re-tuck my tarp, and half praying/half crying that the whole ordeal would just end. I'm pretty sure I looked totally ridiculous driving down the highway at 40 miles an hour with my tarp flapping in the wind behind me.

You would hope that my arrival at the dump would conclude the humiliating portion of my experience today, but oh no, it did not. You see, having never been to the dump and being completely unaware of "dump etiquette" I was totally self conscious about how to distribute my trash in the warehouse collection center. I was instructed to back my truck into the large space and just throw my trash inside. It didn't matter where I put it because a large machine would come sweeping across the floor, gathering all of the stuff into one spot.

Well, I didn't realize I was supposed to take those instructions so literally. So I proceeded to neatly pile my trash in the middle of the room. I organized it by type; plastic bags, cardboard boxes, etc. I neatly piled our used fluorescent lights on top of the boxes and felt relieved to have the experience over. And then another truck pulled up through the stall next to me. It was at that moment that I realized I should have listened more carefully to the instructions.

The two men that hopped out began throwing their trash off the back of the truck into the middle of the warehouse. Actually, it wasn't so much throwing as it was launching. Glass broke and junk spread all over. I looked from their disastrous ejection over to my nice, neat little pile of garbage. . . and I felt totally ridiculous all over again.

I should also point out that the office was next to the warehouse and lined with windows facing into the enormous collection center. I'm quite sure I brought a little laughter to some lives today. . .

Apparently I am not Superwoman. Although, my frantically flapping tarp is as close as I've ever been to wearing a cape before. . .

There is no spiritual significance to this post. Just thought you'd enjoy hearing that in the midst of my deep revelations and emotional blogging I am also totally capable of being completely ridiculous.

Have a fabulous night, my friends. . .