A Year of Jesus

The coming of the new year has always created within me a strange combination of excitement and disappointment. I tend to wake up on on New Year's Day with the unfortunate realization that not much has actually changed and I am still quite the same person as I was the day before.

Maybe that feeling stems from my tendency to create resolutions that are far beyond my ability to reach with any consistent success. . . I do recognize that its ok to fail, and that creating a resolution is simply putting feet on good intentions, but it is still quite frustrating to be continually reminded that some things just might never change.

I think the other frustrating thing about New Year's resolutions is that they tend to pull all of our focus inward toward ourselves. Our resolutions are about us; how to lose weight or gain weight, how to build up our savings account, find a boyfriend, get a job or get through a whole year without missing one single day of Bible reading.

Not that any of those things are bad. It is good to be healthy and pursue wisdom in how we live our lives. But I think that when the ball drops at midnight there might be something greater for us to imagine. . . I think the journey might get way more exciting if our goals moved from personal development to world change.

Now, I know what you're thinking. If I can't manage to read my bible everyday how on earth do I plan on changing the world? Simple.

My resolution becomes about God's plans for this world and not my own. My goals change from being a better person to living more like Jesus. The results are much the same, but the motivation is completely different. When we long to be molded into the image of Christ rather than simply becoming better people, or focus is usually on God's big picture rather than our own small story.

The greater motivation for changing our lives (and consequently changing the world) comes when we see the hundreds (and thousands and millions!) of people around us who desperately need someone to paint a more accurate picture of Jesus.

So, that is my resolution this year. I want to know Jesus better and be brave enough to actually live like him. It is going to take a whole lot of guts, and it will require some letting go of things I really like. . . But when the countdown begins at the end of 2010, I will be way more excited to look back on a year where I lived recklessly and passionately like Jesus - loving the lepers, giving generously to the poor, and bringing hope and healing to the lost - than I would looking back on a year where I gained 5 lbs, did a devo every morning, and exercised with marginal faithfulness.

That, friends, is my plan for changing the world. Now, I'm just going to have to get on my knees and beg my God to begin by changing me.

Here's to making 2010 one wild and crazy ride. . . are you with me?

Plan B

It is 7:30 on Christmas morning. I'm sipping a delicious cup of Kringle Kreme coffee, watching the blustering wind bend and shake the trees outside, enjoying the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree, and washing the pillow that Caleb just threw up on.

Too much information?

Well, I have to be honest, it seems like holidays are just not in the plan for the Fisher family this year. Over Thanksgiving when Caleb and I were sick, I was so disappointed; frustrated that the wonderful plans we had made were tainted by an unexpected interruption.

This time, I think it is ok. I don't always learn from the lessons God tries to teach me. . . and even when I do I very quickly forget. But over Thanksgiving, I think I actually learned.

I learned that making plans is fine as long as we hold them loosely, because a thousand different things could happen to change them. There is no reason to be disappointed when things don't go our way because quite often in the end, they go better! And even when they don't, there is so much to enjoy and savor - even in the yuck.

Its ok that Caleb is laying in my bed with the throw up bowl on Christmas morning. Santa can come tomorrow, Colorado will be waiting, and the delay of our vacation is just a way of extending our anticipation.

God's ways are better than mine, and I'm glad that my plans don't always come through. All that matters is that Jesus came on this beautiful morning 2,000 years ago to make a way for me. . . a way that nothing - not sickness, sadness, or even death - can hinder, or alter, or interrupt.

I hope no one in this house is sick next Christmas, but if one of us is, I hope I remember to find joy and peace in Jesus, not in plans that have no warranty and no guarantee.

Merry Christmas.

Love from our house to yours. . .

Emmanuel

I remember the day in college when it finally clicked that the God of Universe was living and moving inside of me. I can still feel the instant joy and excitement that totally consumed me when I first understood that truth. . .

Unfortunately, just as easily as I remember that truth, I forget it. I can go through out my day functioning as if this body was totally my own and my choices completely mine to make. Usually I regret most of the choices I make on those days. It isn't a burden to walk with God - it is the most fulfilling and joyful way to live. . . and yet I forget.

What would it have been like to be alive when Jesus came? I definitely have a "grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side" mentality about that. I mean, come on. It must have been so much easier to remember Jesus when he was actually standing next to you, right? Oh, those disciples had it good. . .

Except then I read the bible and see that the disciples were totally confused and clueless most of the time, and I have to admit that if I was alive when Jesus was here I might have actually thrown stones at Him. He wasn't popular. And it certainly wasn't easier.

No, we have it much better now. We have the whole story, and we have this God who came down to rescue us from our sins living inside of us when we trust in Him. We have it good.

We will have moments of spiritual amnesia at different points for the rest of our earthly lives. . . but the more we remember Jesus, the more that we look upon God's face and seek to know Him more and live for Him more fully. . . well, the more we will understand the joy that comes from living out the purpose for which we were created - and the more we will remember.

This Christmas, try to remember that Jesus came for a reason. He had a job to do. It was a rescue mission that has been unparalleled in all of history. He was and is Emmanuel, God with us.

Remember that Jesus is the reason we live, breath, move, and have our being. Jesus is our Savior, our King, our brother, and our friend.

In the chaos of the parties and presents, try to find a quiet moment to thank Jesus for pocketing His God-card and humbling Himself to become a mere man. He did it for you. He did it for love.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
look full in His wonderful face,
and the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

Merry Christmas. . . May God bless you, each and every one. . .

My Faith and My Reality

Sometimes I think I might be a little too honest on this blog. I still have to laugh at the post I read on another site saying that everyone shades their entries to present a certain image of themselves to the world. . . oh man. I don't know what kind of image I'm presenting here - but I hope it is clear that I value honesty more than perfection.

What good am I doing if I only write beautiful, wonderful things about myself? Would that encourage young women who have made mistakes and continue to do so daily? No. I prefer the honesty, but sometimes it is scary.

I have the guts to push the Publish Post button after writing too honestly about my weaknesses when I remember that walking with Jesus means that we find our security and identity in Him alone. That means that I can share my bad stuff knowing that my bad stuff doesn't define me. Every day I wake up longing to make the right choices and honor Christ with every moment of my life; and every day I succeed in some ways, and fail in others.

The crazy thing about faith is that this side of heaven it will not ensure us a perfect life. We will continue to sin, and we will continue to face situations that make living difficult. I think the greatest example of this is a passage from scripture that pretty much does me in every time I read it. It is impossible for me to meditate on these words without getting teary-eyed and emotional. . . It is a passage describing the commitment of believers in the early years of the church. Their life was not easy, but their faith was astounding.

Some faced jeers and flogging, while still others were chained and put in prison. They were stoned; they were sawed in two; they were put to death
by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated— the world was not worthy of them.

They wandered in deserts and mountains, and in caves and holes in the ground. These were all
commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect. Hebrews 11:36-40

Do you get the picture here? These people were out of their minds committed to Christ. They followed him to the point of being rejected, beaten, and killed (in excruciating ways). Their faith was unwavering, and their confidence in God was certain. In society today these people would be labeled freaks. In God's opinion, the world did not deserve them.

But they still suffered. And I can promise you that they weren't perfect; they were sinners like you and me. They didn't receive the rewards for their faith this side of heaven. Together with all the saints, they will be lifted up and honored for their striving.

With these examples before us we can find hope and confidence too. Confidence to continue to live for Jesus today, knowing that along with the trials of life will come blessings in plenty - some today, and unending blessings in eternity!!

So, I guess I just want to encourage you to know that it is ok to make mistakes. Being a Christian doesn't mean that we are better than everyone else. . . it simply means we recognize how fallen we are and that we now have found salvation, hope, and joy in Jesus as our Savior. It means recognizing and admitting our sins - turning and repenting - trusting that the Holy Spirit will be at work in us, helping us to do it right the next time. . .

If you look at the very next section in Hebrews, I think you'll find all the encouragement and perspective you need to keep waking up and trying after you've failed a thousand times. . .

Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start
running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed— that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot
adrenaline into your souls! Hebrews 12:1-3

The Parable of the Lost Key

I had an interesting morning yesterday. About 5 minutes before we had to walk out the door for church we got a phone call that the keys to the piano in the sanctuary were missing and the piano was locked. It is difficult to lead worship by playing the piano when you can't actually produce any sound. Our secretary wanted to know if I knew where they might be.

I did.

The day before I had been rehearsing for the Saturday service and noticed my kids playing with those keys. I knew in my head that I should put the keys away because they could get lost or something - but I didn't. My head hurt, and in that moment it was easier to just let my children play with something they really shouldn't be playing with than to deal with telling them no. So, what did I feel when the secretary called to see if I might know where the keys were?

Shame.

And in my shame I tried to cover up for my own bad choice with my response. I believe it went something like this: "Uh! Oh no. Helen, I saw my kids over by the piano and I think they might have been playing with the keys!! You should go look in the nursery, and I'll be there as soon as I can!"

So, I guess you could say I lied.

At least, I didn't exactly give the whole truth. What I should have said was this: "Uh! oh no. Helen, I let my kids play with those keys yesterday to keep them occupied while I rehearsed. I have to admit that I completely forgot to find them and put them away when we were done. You should start looking in the nursery - I'm so sorry!!!"

Why didn't I just say that?

I mean, letting my kids play with those keys was a bad choice, but its not like anyone would have thought less of me, right? I mean, all moms understand those moments when you just give in in order to maintain your sanity, right? Why was I so afraid to be honest?

Well, I forgot about the grace and love of Jesus in that moment. I forgot that my worth and value as a person (and as a pastor's wife) has nothing to do with how perfect or wonderful I am. . . It has everything to do with how perfect and wonderful Jesus is.

I think that when we're afraid to admit our mistakes its because we have stopped finding our identity and worth in our relationship with Jesus and we are trying to prove our value on our own.

I don't deserve any one's love really. . . but when a bunch of people who have been loved and saved by the undeserved sacrifice of Jesus get together, there should be a grace environment that forgives sins, overlooks mistakes, and offers encouragement when we probably just deserve a smack on the bum.

We did eventually find the keys. It took about 20 minutes and 6 volunteers, but we found them.

Oh, I hope that the next time I face a situation like this I am unafraid to be honest about my failures, trusting that God's grace is enough and that the people around me will extend that grace my way. . .

I also hope that you know God's grace is enough for you. . . even when you lose the church's keys, or lie about your mistakes, or try to make yourself look better than you really are.

God's grace is enough. You don't have to pretend anymore.

Here's to being honest about the good, the bad, and the ugly.

God and ________

Sometimes when I read the bible I get warm fuzzies. I feel encouraged by the love, grace, and patience of my God. Then there are times when I read the bible and feel like I've been smacked over the head with a 2 by 4. Its a good smack down, though. A necessary one, at least.

You see, I am a sinner. Every day I wake up tempted to believe that the world revolves around me and my happiness. Sometimes I don't need to be reminded that God loves me; I need to be reminded that it isn't all about me.

This morning I was reminded of this once again in 1 Kings. In this crazy awesome story in the Old Testament the prophet Elijah challenges King Ahab to a duel of sorts. King Ahab had wandered from following the I AM and was worshiping Baal.

And as though it were not enough to follow the example of Jeroboam, he married Jezebel, the daughter of King Ethbaal of the Sidonians, and he began to bow down in worship of Baal. 1 Kings 16:31

Elijah speaks against this and as a result must run for his life. After a few years God instructs Elijah to go back to Ahab and offer an opportunity to prove himself. The offer goes like this: let us both build an alter with a sacrifice on top, and the god who is real will send fire down onto the sacrifice to burn it up.

Well, the prophets of Baal cried out and danced all day long, and as you could guess - nothing happened. Elijah had his alter drenched with water (to make it abundantly clear that this was the work of God), prayed to His Father, and immediately the entire alter was consumed in flames.

There was no mistaking the hand of God or the power of God here. But what convicted me and challenged me most this morning was Elijah's words to the Israelites. Before they began the sacrificial tournament Elijah went before them and said this:

"How much longer will you waver, hobbling between two opinions? If the Lord is God, follow him! But if Baal is God, then follow him!” But the people were completely silent. 1 Kings 18:2

The Israelites had become divided in their hearts. They wanted to serve God and Baal at the same time. The bible is clear that we cannot serve God and another. He is the One and Only deity; the Holy Creator and Sustainer of the Universe. Anything but whole-hearted and single minded devotion to Him is meaningless.

And yet, that is what we often offer, isn't it? We know that God is supposed to be enough - in fact, everything - but yet we still look to other things to fulfill us and give us meaning. I'd like to have God and money - you know, just to be comfortable. Or, I'd like to have God and popularity - because life was meant to be fun! Or, I'd like to have God and stuff - because stuff makes me feel important and valued.

Oh, it is easy to fall into the trap of making the Almighty One just one of our many gods. . . The Israelites fell into that pattern time and time again. And to this day we do the same.

My prayer is that a generation would rise up that is willing to give up all other gods and their empty promises. . . That a group of people would stand against the temptations and sales pitches of this world and trust in Jesus alone.

I have one question for you today. It might feel more like a 2 by 4 than a warm fuzzy, but sometimes we need a little smack in the head to adjust our perspective.

How much longer will you waver, hobbling between two opinions?

If the Lord is God, follow Him.

Believing in Possible-ness with God

I am not sure that we really believe that all things are possible with God. We say it, but does the pattern of our lives reflect a heart that knows it is true? How do we move from just saying it to really living it?What does it actually mean to believe that all things are possible with God?

I think the struggle comes when we experience disappointment in what God does (or does not do). So, while we know that He is capable of anything, we're not convinced that the stuff that matters to us actually matters to God. The amazing, miraculous way that we want Him to show his "I-can-do-anything-ness" doesn't always line up with how He works.

So, quite understandably, we begin to loose our sense of awe and wonder toward this mighty God who can save because we don't understand what in the world He's trying to do. I believe that God can do anything, but I have to admit that if I was in charge of what "anything" was, I would make some different choices. . .

The only way to reconcile His "I-can-do-anything" power with the difficult and discouraging situations in our lives is to look to His word and seek to understand what the main point of all of this is in the first place. Sometimes it is easy to develop tunnel vision and forget that there is a bigger story happening out there, and that even the difficulties and discouragements of our lives fit into that picture perfectly.

One of the greatest examples of all of this is Mary, the mother of Jesus. Could you even imagine what it must have been like to be Mary? To give birth to the Savior of the world? Oh, what amazing joy and awe must have filled her heart as she raised this little man of God!!

Oh, what anguish and sorrow she must have felt when they nailed Him to the cross. This was certainly not what she would have planned. This was not the choice she would have made. I cannot begin to fathom the gut-wrenching pain of watching her beloved child suffer so intensely.

And yet, God's plan was good and perfect and completely necessary. Jesus Himself begged for the cup to be taken, but he full well knew that it was a cup he must drink of in order to bring salvation to the world (Matt 26:39).

I hope that this Christmas is a reminder of the amazing "I-can-do-anything-ness" of our God. He cares deeply about every circumstance and difficulty in our lives, and even when things don't seem to go our way, we can know with great certainty that the God who began life in Mary's womb and then raised that life up from the dead is at work in us (Eph. 1:18-22).

I can do all things through Christ. And He can do all things in and through me. Lord, help me to see clearly the larger story at work, and give me the willingness to let go of my desires and trust you completely. Help me to live what I believe in my head to be true every waking moment of my days. . .

Show me how

I have this tendency to want to be good at things that go completely against the grain of my nature. In some cases, I've actually managed to be marginally successful. Take piano, for example. I have often wondered why on earth God enabled me to play the piano and then gave me a personality type that finds the thought of sitting in a room by myself for more than 30 minutes practicing completely appalling.

A month ago I decided I was going to be the ultimate homemaker and begin making my own bread. I bought all of the necessary ingredients, pulled my Kitchen Aide out of the cupboard, and made bread. Once. I must say, though, that the apron I bought to complete the "Suzy Homemaker" facade has turned out to be a good motivational tool. . . just not for making bread.

This week I have decided that in order to save the world and teach my children not to be materialistic or 'brand-name' obsessed, I will learn how to knit. Seriously, this is very exciting. Forget the fact that I am not wired in any way to actually do it (I would much rather be socializing or watching a movie), I just have this deep longing to be the kind of person who knits. Oh, does that even make sense?

So, yesterday I purchased the necessary equipment for knitting and settled myself in front of the computer to watch YouTube videos on learning how to knit.

Unfortunately, it turns out that when you have no intrisic understanding or ability to knit, learning to do so by watching You Tube videos is not very productive or fruitful. I am no more capable of knitting today than I was yesterday, although I am excited to share that after 20 minutes of rewatching the same 2 minute video I did finally figure out how to make a slip knot.

So what do I do? Should I just give up on knitting and admit that my personality type is probably incapable of something so crafty and time-consuming?

No way!! There is a missing link in this escapade that is (I believe) almost 100% responsible for my failure: other people. There is a reason that I found some level of success in playing the piano. . . It is because I had amazingly gifted teachers pushing me forward and encouraging me. I had examples to look up to and emulate. I wasn't trying to teach myself how to become great at something; I was looking to the gifted people around me who were already great at it to show me how.

If I want to become the type of person who makes her own bread and knits my neighbors sweaters, I should probably try spending some time with people who already do. Their encouragement and instruction will probably be about 1,000 times more effective than the nice lady on You Tube.

And this isn't just for baking and knitting - I think it works for just about every area of life. Think about the kind of woman you want to become. . . The type of impact you want to have. . . Then find someone who is already doing it - someone who God has grown and who God is using - and watch them! Let their example motivate and inspire you as you seek to become the woman God wants to make you into.

There are a lot of things that I will never be intrinsically good at. . . And I might honestly never actually knit anything. But no matter what personality any one of us has, the Creator of the Universe has all the intrinsic power and understanding necessary to make us more fully His, and to use us to empower and encourage the lives of those around us.

Here's to living beyond the boundaries of what we're naturally capable of. . . remembering that nothing is impossible with God.

Goodnight Erin.

Well, if this blog is going to be a fair, balanced picture of a life (ok, well - my life) lived for Christ, then I think I need to update from yesterday's post. Oh, I can guarantee that those words I wrote were dripping with sincerity. I truly long to live every 10 minutes - in fact every minute - for Jesus.

But I fail. A lot. About a half hour after writing that entry I pretty much fell apart. It had been a long week in the Fisher house. . . Matt was out of town, I had led youth group Wednesday night (not my strength or gifting, by the way), and was preparing to sub for the Thursday morning women's bible study.

As 4 year olds sometimes do, Caleb decided that the Thomas the Tank Engine underpants I picked out for him to wear were not quite up to par. That is when it began. I flipped my lid and lost sight of Christ. I was instantly frustrated, impatient, and trying to fix it all in my own strength and wisdom.

My pulse was still racing when I arrived at bible study, and though the conversation was encouraging and obviously Jesus-centered, I have to admit that my heart was still trying to accomplish that task all on its own. . .

Then, I got in my car to drive over to a friend's house for lunch and managed to fishtail on 1/2 an inch of snow and hit a tree in our new/used car. The rest of the afternoon I mostly felt sorry for myself.

Good morning, Jesus. Goodnight, Erin. Wow. It is amazing how we can know and feel the power and presence of God so clearly in certain moments, and how we can then almost instantly forget it and function completely out of our own ability.

Ugh. Praise God for His undeserved and unending grace and mercy. I want to live the next 10 minutes for Jesus, but I am thankful that if Caleb's underpants become a wedgie in my perspective and ability to focus on Christ, tomorrow is a new day, and a renewed opportunity to surrender yet again at the foot of the cross and live in and through Christ instead of myself.

Today I am excited to live for Jesus. . . but I am humbled knowing that it is only by His grace and through the power of His Spirit at work in me that I will be able to succeed.

Goodmorning Jesus!

I am excited to live this day for God. Some mornings I wake up consumed with to-do lists and anxieties over life's circumstances. Today was one of those great mornings where I woke up consumed with gratefulness for God's love and a renewed passion to make this day count for eternity.

Its hard to have that perspective much of the time. . . I mean, there are so many things in life that can distract us from focusing on Jesus and what it means to live for Him. And quite frankly, it often feels easier to just focus on the to-do's because the 'living for Jesus' is usually a little more intimidating.

Francis Chan writes in his book Forgotten God:

It's much less demanding to think about God's will for your future than it is to ask Him what He wants you to do in the next ten minutes. It's safer to
commit to following Him someday instead of this day (pg. 120).

How true, how true. And I don't think young people are the only ones who suffer from the 'someday complex.' We all, to one extent or another, procrastinate when it comes to making the choices we know we should make in living for Christ.

Not only is it difficult to make eternal choices, but sometimes it seems impossible to accomplish anything eternal during the course of a busy day. How do I surrender the next 10 minutes to God when every ten minutes all day long is filled with laundry, dishes, potty stops, Lightening McQueen, and deep philosophical discussions about how Santa will get out of the chimney?

How do we manage to live in the world and do everything we have to do every day and still focus on Jesus?

Well, it starts with our heart. Colossians 3:17 says,

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

It is a choice that we can make to live every moment surrended to God, honoring Him by our actions and thoughts and words. We don't have to be leading a bible study or singing praise songs to bring Him glory.

I can discuss the physics of Santa, make a potty stop with my 2 year old, and load the dishwasher in a way that brings God glory. I can find significance in every moment of the day when my heart and mind is focused on Christ.

I hope that you are encouraged to live this day for Jesus too. Make the next 10 minutes count - whatever you're doing.

Make someday happen. . . today.

Alternate Endings

I have always loved to read. As a kid I would get so drawn into the stories I read that life on this planet would pretty much stop until I finished a good book. My favorites at one point were the books with the different possible endings. You could jump to different pages at different points and the story would take an alternate route to a much different conclusion. It was so fun to imagine how things would turn out differently if circumstances changed.

This last week I found myself wishing for an optional alternate ending in life. Do you ever do that? Last week just did not go how I pictured it would. . . We had made plans for a Thanksgiving trip with some friends, and I was anticipating a fun-filled, relaxing, delicious few days at a beautiful condo in the Wisconsin Dells. The plan was foiled when my son, Caleb, woke up the first night with the stomach flu.

That was not what I had planned. I didn't expect to be laying in bed on Thanksgiving (having come down with the flu myself) while everyone else was eating beef tenderloin and mashed potatoes. Now, I don't want to be too over dramatic here - there were still some really fabulous moments of fellowship and fun with my kids and our friends. . . But if I'm being totally honest, I was disappointed because I had such grandiose visions for how last week would go. And in reality, it just didn't stack up.

Its hard when things don't go our way. I was definitely disappointed, and my natural temptation was to ask God, "Why?" That question becomes even more consuming when it deals with life's bigger issues. It is one thing for our vacation to be tainted by the presence of sickness, and quite another when our world seems to be falling apart altogether.

Some of you reading this have had to ask God "Why?" in regard to some pretty heavy stuff. Why didn't I get into the college I so desperately longed to attend? Why did the relationship I thought would end in marriage just end for good? Why is the marriage that I thought would bring such fulfillment and joy crumbling around me? Why did I have to lose one of the most important people in my life? Why?

Oh, I know that God's ways are better than mine. . . and I really do believe that He wants what is best for me - even when I don't understand how His best could even be good. But it is hard to remember that in moments of difficulty. It is really hard not to get frustrated and wave your fists in the air demanding an alternate ending. . .

But a pretty phenomenal thing happened in the midst of my pity party over the last few days. I remembered Jesus. Not that I had forgotten Him entirely, but I remembered the truth that I wrote about several weeks back. . . I am already and ultimately a conqueror in Him. No matter what difficulty I might face - here is the beauty:

The end is already written. There are no alternatives. Jesus wins. One day every knee will bow and every tongue confess. Oh, there is no greater ending than that!

So, along the way, I will get the stomach flu on vacation; people I love will hurt and suffer; plans and dreams will get crushed by life's never-ending curve balls. . . but I will do my best to focus on the ultimate end to this great story.

Remember, no matter what: Jesus wins.

No alternate ending necessary.

Oh, what a night!

I don't have any idea what to say. I want to write about what happened this past Saturday, but there aren't any words to describe it. I can't begin to express the power and beauty and joy of that night. Oh, I guess I'll just do my best to explain it as it happened. . .

I stood in a little pool at the front of my church and listened to the story of my life - of my faith - being told to a group of about 100. I listened to my husband share his love for me - a love that is grounded in Jesus - before he lowered me down. . . I felt this warm water cover my face and in that moment remembered the weight of my sin. I acknowledged that there is nothing I can do to make myself worthy of a great and holy God. This is what the Christian life is all about; dying to ourselves; recognizing that we are incapable of living as we should on our own. Oh, but then - then Matt lifted me up out of the water. And in that singular moment I felt the freedom and power and unparalleled joy that comes from living life with Christ. I am forgiven. I am clean.

I once was lost but now am found. It's not that I didn't know these things before. I have been a Christian for a long time now. . . I have felt the power and love of God abounding in my life for at least 10 years. But I understand now why Jesus tells us - no, commands us! - to be baptized. There is something indescribable and unique about physically reenacting the truths that we believe about this man named Jesus.

So, that is my story. Last Saturday night was a night of love lavished. . . It was the most encouraging, awesome thing I have ever experienced.

And as if that wasn't good enough, I then got to stand next to a friend who has been right next to me in this journey for the past 4 years. I have seen God grab hold of her heart and open her eyes to the truth of His word. Oh, to stand next to her as she committed the rest of her days to Him was AMAZING!! What a joy to get to experience this with her. . .

This Thanksgiving I feel more deeply blessed than ever before. My heart is aching and yearning for every one of you to feel this power and love as deeply as I have. God is real. Jesus really came to this earth to make a way for YOU to know and experience God's love and forgiveness. No matter where you've been or what you've done. The blood of Christ can make you clean.

What can wash away my sin? Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

Coincidence?

I was digging through books in my basement this afternoon. In my search for a particular book (which I never did find, by the way) I stumbled upon an old journal. As I flipped through the pages I was so encouraged to find a prayer that speaks to exactly where I'm at these days. Its funny that after 9 years I'm still praying the same things and struggling with the same issues. . . But I think it also reveals how God has been working in my heart all along. I have learned so much since I wrote these words. . . And my prayer is that wherever you are in your own journey, you would see God's faithful hand bringing you to places of greater understanding even amidst the battles you continue to fight (And before you go on - if you haven't read my post from yesterday, read that first!! It will shed a lot of light on the meaning of this).

So, from my journal on June 29th, 2000:

Holy Father,

Praise to you, God, for this glorious day! Thank you for creating this earth so beautifully. Thank you for music that we may worship you in song. Thank you for your undying love for me; your boundless mercy and your constant faithfulness. God I confess to you that I have been seeking confidence in the wrong places. I confess to you that I seek others' approval before yours. It is so easy for me to get wrapped up in the external. God, grow me in my character, teach me that that is what counts. I pray that you would teach me to hear your voice. Train me in the way of understanding. Lead me to truth and give me confidence in that. . .

(Umm, then I prayed for some stuff a little too personal for the world wide web). . .

God I ask that we may learn how to fear. Lord that we may be men and women who fear the Lord.

Proverbs 14:10-11, His pleasure is not in the strength of a house, nor his delight in the legs of man; the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.

God has answered this prayer 100 times over since June of 2000. I'm not perfect yet, but oh how much stronger is my faith and deeper my longing!! He has been faithful to show me what it truly means to fear Him - and even though I struggle to actually do it, I have been given the understanding I so desperately prayed for way back when!! I hope that I'm still praying this prayer - to throw off the chains of approval and seek to fear God above man - in 5o years!

And then when I'm 80 I can look back to this blog post and say,

"Oh, God has answered that prayer 1,000 times over since November of 2009. I'm not perfect yet, but oh how much stronger is my faith and deeper my longing!!"

Holy Fear

I am afraid of people. Afraid that they won't or don't like me. Afraid that they'll think I'm illegitimate or insincere. I am deeply afraid that the people I love won't like the choices I make. I know that this stems from my insecurities and my tendency to find worth in others' opinions instead of God's. . . but it is really hard to avoid it, even knowing it's root cause.

There are a few big choices I have made in life where I still feel this nagging insecurity that I somehow messed up. And honestly, I often assume that the people around me know it and feel the same way about me.

Over the last few days there have been a few opportunities for me to suffocate myself under the weight of fear. And for the most part, I did it. I allowed my sense of confidence, self-worth, and joy be affected by my fears of other peoples' opinions.

Then this morning I was reading in Proverbs, and stumbled upon this simple verse:

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline. Proverbs 1:7

So according to this verse not all fear is bad (nor does it need to be suffocating). But what does it mean to fear the Lord? I have heard a lot of people say that it isn't so much fear as respect, or awe. I don't know, to me that just doesn't quite seem to do it.

So I went to my blessin' of a hubby and asked for his perspective on this holy fear. He pointed me to Exodus 1. It was at this point in history when Pharaoh commanded that all baby boys born to the Israelites be killed. His first plan was to execute this order through the midwives who helped the Israelites deliver their babies. But his plan didn't exactly go as he had hoped. . .

The king of Egypt said to the Hebrew midwives, whose names were Shiphrah and Puah, "When you help the Hebrew women in childbirth and observe them on the delivery stool, if it is a boy, kill him; but if it is a girl, let her live." The midwives, however, feared God and did not do what the king of Egypt had told them to do; they let the boys live. Exodus 1:15-17

That is pretty amazing, isn't it? Here is Pharaoh - this powerful dictator who could snap his fingers and order anything he desired. He could have killed the midwives for not faithfully obeying his demands, and yet the midwives did not fear him. They feared God.

I think these midwives had a more accurate picture of the might and power of God than many of us do today. They understood that He had power over every king, ruler, or soldier they might face. They feared Him because they knew that His justice and wrath towards sin would be much greater than any human anger they could face.

So these midwives chose to fear the wrath of the Lord over the anger of Pharaoh, and they spared the lives of the little boys they delivered.

I believe that fear of the Lord is the beginning of understanding because it puts everything in perspective. When we place this holy, just, mighty God against anything else in this world we see where the power really is. We recognize the foolishness of fearing anything in this world because we recognize that God has power over it all.

I want to be afraid - but not of any person or opinion. I want to choose the fear of the Lord over the fear of man. Isn't funny how God's ways seem so upside down from what the world teaches? It is when I truly fear God that I find complete rest and freedom in Him.

Untouchables

I have never met someone with leprosy. I've seen pictures and heard stories of the horrible symptoms of this disease. In biblical times people who had leprosy were cast out of communities and sent to live on their own. No one would touch them or come near them because of their sickness and deformity. If you did come near someone with leprosy, you yourself were considered unclean and had to go through purification rituals before you could reenter daily life.

I think its difficult for us to imagine what that was like because leprosy isn't exactly common these days. But I think we have all seen images of people who are sick; people who are suffering from some physical condition that deforms their faces and leaves them looking unapproachable and untouchable.

And if we're honest with ourselves, we have to admit that while we don't exactly banish them openly, we avoid them and often turn away from their suffering. I think this is true not just for sick individuals, but social outcasts as well. There are those in our midst who don't look or act like everyone else. They carry the disease of unpopularity, and they often lack the social skills to interact with others in positive ways.

So we banish them. We avoid them in the hallway. We dodge them in the narthex at church. They are our modern day lepers, and we have often responded to them exactly the way the people of God did in Israel 2,000 years ago. Be careful not to get too close to them, because you might become unclean. . .

What do you think Jesus would say about all this? How would he respond? How did he respond when he came face to face with the lepers of his day? Let's take a look in Mark and see the unbelievable love and compassion of our Savior.

A man with leprosy came and knelt in front of Jesus, begging to be healed. “If you are willing, you can heal me and make me clean,” he said.

Moved with compassion, Jesus reached out and touched him. “I am willing,” he said. “Be healed!” Instantly the leprosy disappeared, and the man was healed. Then Jesus sent him on his way with a stern warning: “Don’t tell anyone about this. Instead, go to the priest and let him examine you. Take along the offering required in the law of Moses for those who have been healed of leprosy. This will be a public testimony that you have been cleansed.”

But the man went and spread the word, proclaiming to everyone what had happened. As a result, large crowds soon surrounded Jesus, and he couldn’t publicly enter a town anywhere. He had to stay out in the secluded places, but people from everywhere kept coming to him.

Jesus didn't have to touch the man in order to heal him. He could have simply spoken the word and it would have been done. I believe that Jesus reached out and touched him as an example to us. . . and example of unconditional love, a willingness to become unclean to show love to those who desperately need it. Jesus' love knows no bounds and is not confined to the 'clean, comfortable, socially appropriate' people around us.

Oh how I pray that we would be Jesus to the lepers in our lives! That we would be unafraid and unashamed to reach out in love and touch them! You can bet that most of them did not ask for the disease that has ostracized them from their community. And who knows what kind of impact you can have when you reach out with the love of Jesus and touch someone who has been isolated and avoided for the last several years!

Today God can use you to be the hands and feet of Jesus. I pray that when opportunities arise we would all be willing and ready. . .

Remind Me

We all need reminders. Some of us need them more than others (and I admittedly need them more than most). This weekend was a fabulous reminder for me about the importance and priority of my job as a mom. My kids are not the center of my word. Jesus holds that position unchallenged. But He has given me these kids and commissioned me with the task of molding their little hearts and minds to run after Him.

Moms make a huge difference in this world. . . Ahh, here's to becoming the kind of mom that can effectively jump start my children into a lifelong relationship of depth and trust with the Maker of this universe (and the weaver of their little souls. . . ). Here's to living like Jesus so that they have a role model and example of what true life really is.

Here's to my two beautiful kids. . . I am so grateful, and so very blessed.

Couch Therapy

This last week has been a roller coaster of sickness and sadness. It has probably been 3 weeks since I have felt 100% healthy, and the toll of being tired and sick makes dealing with emotional issues pretty darn difficult. My super-mature/hugely-spiritual response to all of this has been to live for tomorrow. Its a pretty good philosophy to cling to when your body aches and your head is so congested that you can't breath at all when you recline to anything beyond a 90 degree angle. . . Except, it isn't biblical, and it definitely doesn't work well with the issues we face regarding the heart.

You see, in my exhaustion I can look at tomorrow and see potential for health and energy. I can make myself feel better about all of the things I didn't do, because certainly tomorrow I'll be able to make up for it, right? But what about the sadness? Will the loss of a friend be easier tomorrow? Will the heartache of knowing that some of the people I treasure most in the world are suffering be any more tolerable? No. Honestly, it won't. When you are facing the painful, traumatic experiences in life, tomorrow doesn't always bring relief.

So what, then? How do I respond when I am sick and incapable of having a meaningful conversation with God? What do I cling to when life throws curve balls that smack me in the gut and slam me to the ground? Where is there relief if not in tomorrow?

Oh, now see, this is where I love the simplicity of the Christian life. Here is the perfect opportunity for a "Sunday School" answer that is completely legit. The answer to every one of those questions?

Jesus.

I don't need to look to tomorrow. Who knows what tomorrow will hold anyway. . . I might not be any better, any more capable of cleaning my house, or any more ready to deal with the grief that inevitably comes with life in this fallen world. But I can look to Jesus and find the strength to live today. I can put one foot in front of the other and pray for His strength to carry me through.

In the moments when my head is clear I can open my bible and read about this man who has power over everything that troubles me, and I can find hope in today. Today I will live for Jesus. It might not seem so triumphant to someone looking in my window. . . watching me alternate between 3 blankets and no blankets to accommodate for the heat waves/chills that seem to come and go, channel surfing to find something to fall asleep to with my head propped up, and the Mt Everest of Kleenex towering next to the couch.

But I am triumphant. I am more than a conqueror today. If Jesus decides to come thundering out of heaven this very night, I will not be ashamed. Because I will refuse to give Satan one inch of my heart or mind, and I will not lose hope in what God can accomplish even in this weak and tired body of mine.

That, my friends, is my plan for today. Tomorrow? Who knows. . . I don't want to think about it anymore. All I know is that today is a gift from God, and I will live it for Him.

Mission Possible

There is this David Crowder song that I absolutely love. On one of our albums it flows straight out of another song, and the way that it builds with intensity and passion is so moving! The chorus goes like this:

And I will not be silent,
And I will not be quiet anymore.
And I will not be silent,
And I will not be quiet anymore.

I think that describes perfectly where I'm at these days. I believe that Jesus is the Holy Son of God, and I am convinced in my head and heart that His death was meant to pay my own penalty for sin. And I am tired of being too afraid or ashamed to say it. I will not be silent, I will not be quiet anymore.

After all, there is nothing to be afraid of! God has given us this very task of proclaiming the love of Jesus to the world! We have been given a mission, and I think that much of the church (for sure the American church, at least) has completely lost its way in a sea of tradition, rules, and additives. . . Where is the heart of Paul in our church that cries out -

And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him. For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation. So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!” For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ. 2 Cor. 5:19-21

We have this amazing mission - to share the love of a Savior! Oh, its like an epic legend, isn't it? But why are we so afraid? What is there to lose?

The gospel message is power. We don't have to be wise or crafty or persuasive. We must simply speak the truth - share from the depth of our own relationship with God. We have to keep our eyes focused on Jesus. . . And we have to be careful not to let our gospel message change.

It is easy to get caught up in 'worthy Christian battles.' We long to live uprightly and to make Godly choices - and the bible does call us to live a life worthy of our calling. . . but I think sometimes in our fight for the good, moral, choice we lose sight of our ministry of reconciliation.

We become consumed with informing others on the appropriate way to behave, or dress, or communicate - and we forget about the greater job of speaking the simple power of the gospel!! People need Jesus, they don't need our rules. When they understand, accept, and choose to live for Christ instead of themselves, they will become more like Him! Their behavior, dress and speech will change - because the Holy Spirit will be inside of them, convicting them of wrong attitudes or actions, and helping them to live a life worthy of their calling.

Now to clarify, I'm not saying that we ignore bad, sinful behavior. I'm saying that we don't so focus on fixing that bad, sinful behavior that we forget to share the love of Jesus. Our mission on this earth is to bring people to a point of reconciliation with God. To shout passionately and without apology, "Come back to God!!" The point of the church is to draw people who were once far from God into an intimate, restored relationship with Him.

Let us never lose sight of that awesome task. And let us cry out together, at the top of our lungs-

I will not be silent.
I will not be quiet anymore.

There is power in the message of the cross. There is unending love, hope and healing in the truth of God's word.

Bus Stop Lovin'

I am a child of God. I am precious beyond measure in His eyes. I am beautiful, loved, accepted, forgiven, cleansed, and renewed. I can feel the power and presence of God in the deepest parts of my soul, and no amount of clever debating by those who disagree will ever cause me to doubt these truths.

But I didn't just muster up this confidence on my own. I didn't talk myself into this corner and I am not sustained here by the wisdom of my own mind.

God Himself has taken up residence in my body and His Holy Spirit is every day affirming these truths - convincing my heart to believe that somehow the great God of the Universe, whose glory, perfection and might are beyond measure, has chosen me and loves me without end.

I am grateful for the presence of the Holy Spirit in my life because it would be difficult for me to truly believe those things were it not for Him. . .

For a long time it was hard for me to believe any one's compliments or encouragements. I was always insecure and in some ways ashamed. I remember sitting at a bus stop with a friend in college and having some random guy come up to me and tell me I was beautiful. When I think back to that incident now, I believe that he was probably being sincere, but that day - I wasn't so sure.

It seemed much more likely to me that he was fulfilling a bet with one of his buddies, and I spent the rest of the day analyzing why on earth he would ever come up to me and say something like that. I didn't really believe him. And he didn't really do anything to try and convince me. He just said it, and left.

I feel like that is how a lot of people see God. This distant deity who once a long time ago sent His Son to die for them. . . like Jesus just pulled over at the bus stop for a brief moment to say, "Hey, I love you. You're beautiful." and then sped off to handle more important affairs in the universe.

I hope you know that the Bible contradicts that scenario outright. As I read through the gospels and meditate on the stories of how Jesus interacted with people when He was here, I see a loving God who desperately wants us to know and believe that He loves us. . . One who is willing to go to unfathomable lengths to assure us it is true.

He hasn't left us here to wander, and we don't have to muster some fake confidence to make it seem like we're certain when we're really lost and confused.

He has sent His Holy Spirit to be with us and in us. His Spirit moves in our hearts and gives us the assurance that we could never find apart from His presence. Even in the darkest moments of our lives when we feel like we've failed too many times, His Holy Spirit is there - comforting our grieving hearts, challenging our spirits to walk in His ways, and giving us that constant assurance that we are still His, and we are still loved.

So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.” For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. Romans 8:15-16

If you don't feel that confidence, and if you haven't experienced such unmovable assurance, then you need to sit down and ask yourself some serious questions about where you're at with God. . . because the bible makes it clear; when we receive Jesus as the Lord and Savior of our lives, we receive His Holy Spirit in our souls. . . and once the Holy Spirit takes up residence within us, the changes will be dramatic and unexplainable. . . we will have unmovable assurance in the love of our Father.

I feel mushy

I am a blogging failure.

I knew this would happen. On some level, I really tried to convince myself that it wouldn't, but that inner voice that is compelled by reason instead of emotion is saying, " I told you so!" right now.

My daily life during the ministry year doesn't allow much room for blogging. It doesn't allow much room to even think about all of the things I could potentially blog about if I had the time to sit down and write. My brain is consumed with the practicalities of ministry rather than the philosophical meditations of living life with Jesus.

There are some days (like today), when there seems to be no good reason that I can't think or read or write, other than the mere fact that my brain feels like mush. I am praying that this phase passes, though, because my heart is aching to be filled with new understanding, a fresh fire and a vibrant passion.

I don't ever want the chaos of life (even ministry itself) to distract me from the most important and all-consuming part of me.

Jesus.

Pray that my mushy mind would reconstruct and meaningfully engage over God's truth. . . and that through His powerful Spirit I would find words to express the beauty and awe of the truth of my Savior. . .

And please know that even when my mushy mind can't find words I am wordlessly praying for you!

Lesson of the week. . .

Do you ever feel like everything you hear or read keeps pointing you back to a specific topic? Like maybe God is trying to tell you something by repeatedly bringing up the same issue? I remember writing in my journal one day (as a very young girl) that everything around me seemed to be dealing with female issues, and wondering what that meant. Turns out it didn't mean much of anything, besides pointing out the obvious fact that I was thinking and obsessing a lot about female issues when I was 11.

Well, I'm having the same feeling right now (thankfully not about female issues), and am wondering if it is just mere coincidence or if God is trying to get my attention. We started a sermon series a few weeks ago on the Holy Spirit. During bible study with my girls last week we had a phenomonal revelation about the Holy Spirit and Jesus' baptism, and the new bible study I started this week has so far focused quite a bit on the role of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

In addition to what I am learning about the Holy Spirit, I have also these last several days been facing situations in which I desperately needed the Holy Spirit to provide wisdom, discernment and direction.

To be totally honest, I haven't thought much about the Holy Spirit in the past. I'm beginning to think that I need to spend a lot more time thinking about Him and understanding Him if I'm going to experience success in this Christian life!!

It is pretty amazing to think about all that the Spirit does in our lives. . . After all, Jesus did say that it would be better for us to have the Holy Spirit in us than Jesus Christ Himself with us. Pretty hard to understand why Jesus would say that - until you start to understand who the Holy Spirit is and what He is capable of. . . I hope you feel the power and presence of the Holy Spirit in your life - I'm praying for more of Him in mine today!!

But in fact, it is best for you that I go away, because if I don’t, the Advocate [Holy Spirit] won’t come. If I do go away, then I will send him to you. Acts 16:7

'Atta girl

A little encouragement goes a long way. It is amazing how simple words can change the course of a day. I am so grateful for the people in my life who choose to verbalize the warm fuzzies they feel, because it gives me the strength and determination to wake up tomorrow and do it all again.

We need encouragement - every single one of us. . . We need to know that even when things are difficult and discouraging there is hope and joy and potential untapped. . . I know that God is still here, and that my faithfulness still honors Him and brings Him great joy, even when it feels like no one else recognizes it or applauds it. . . but, it is still good to hear it from the people who God has put in my path.

Oh, how I needed that encouragement today. I am a pastor's wife, and with that role comes great joy, fulfillment, responsibility. . . and sometimes, great struggle. I've had a hard time knowing what to write these last few days, because what is most on my heart and mind is not the stuff to be verbalizing on my blog. . . but know that my love for Christ is always strengthened by the difficulties I face - and my passion for ministry never decreases even when the struggles and stresses of ministry seem overwhelming!

I hope there is someone in your world putting words to their warm fuzzies too. . . reminding you that you are God's child, His precious one, and that His love for you is greater than any difficulty you will ever face.

I hope we all wake up tomorrow with the strength and determination to live wholeheartedly, unashamedly, and boldly for the One who lived and struggled and suffered and conquered for us!!

Stop asking why

We ask a lot of questions. It starts when we're little (ie the perpetual "Why, Mommy?" that can drive moms crazy) and continues through adulthood. We wonder why we have to do our homework, why math matters if we want to be a music teacher, why everybody can't just get along, and why any of this matters in the first place.

Questions are good. They force us to really think about what we're doing and why we're doing it. In matters of faith questions are an absolute necessity. There are way too many people out there who don't really have any idea what they believe or why they believe it. I have grown so much and learned so much as a result of other people questioning my faith. I'm grateful for the challenges those questions provide and the opportunity to seek answers and gain a greater level of assurance about my faith.

But questions can also be bad. Questions can be discreet ways of avoiding what we know is true. They can help us justify choices that we know we shouldn't be making. For example, why is drinking before 21 wrong?

Really, why is it wrong? I'm sure I could talk to an assortment of people and get a long list of all the potential hazards of underage drinking. Many of their thoughts and concerns would prove to be very meaningful, and might even keep a few young people from dabbling in that particular activity. But to your average, non-Christian teenager those thoughts and concerns are not weighty enough to make them say no.

In fact, those thoughts and concerns don't even seem to have much impact on "Christian" teenagers. Why? Well, because all of the potential consequences seem much less severe than all of the guaranteed fun of living it up with friends.

But this is where I have a problem: Why are Christian teenagers even analyzing this question in the first place? Why are they asking it? If you read the bible it is about as plain as day. Romans 13:1-2 says:

Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.

(Side note: the bible is not commanding that we follow our government into sinful and dangerous behavior. There are plenty of biblical examples where Godly men and women have said no to the governing authorities because they were asked to deny God or act out against God's revealed will)

Ok - back to the point here - whether we like it (or agree with it) or not, our government has decided that 21 is the appropriate age to drink. When we rebel against the authority of our government we are rebelling against God. You can come up with a thousand clever excuses why underage drinking is no big deal. . . it doesn't matter. In the end, it is illegal. So if you believe the bible is true, then it is also sin.

My question to those of you who consider yourselves Christians and yet still want to find excuses to drink with your friends is this: do you even care what God thinks? Does it even matter to you that you are grieving Him - literally grieving Him every time you make that choice?

Stop making excuses and asking unnecessary questions. It is time to decide whether or not you actually love God enough to follow him. . . and then, if you can fully admit and acknowledge that He is worth more than anything this world has to offer - actually follow Him!

Follow Him anywhere and everywhere He leads (and if you were born anytime after 1988, you can be pretty sure He won't be leading you to the local brewery anytime soon). . .

Blogging Block

Last night I realized that a few days had passed since I last blogged, so I sat down at the computer to write a new entry. I was completely lost. I had no idea what to say. It was weird, because I always have something to say.

So, instead of forcing words to come or just not posting anything, I thought I'd point you back to a post I wrote this summer. It was on my mind because we had worship practice last night and was again reminded of the pure joy and beauty of singing to my Savior! Oh, I do love Him. . .

Have a wonderful day, and if you have any words of wisdom to end my blogging block, please pass them on. . . =)


http://thehillforgirls.blogspot.com/2009/07/worship.html

Unstoppable

There are a lot of reasons why I believe the bible is really true. One particular reason, though, is on my mind this morning. The whole notion of Christianity is pretty crazy, right? God comes down as a man and lives, preaches, dies, and then rises from the grave and says that we should follow after him. Hmmm. . . It isn't a particularly logical faith, is it? But despite the illogical nature of Christianity's main claim there is another word that describes this faith as well: unstoppable.

There are followers of Jesus on every continent all over the world. In some places that fact alone is still a reasonable cause for persecution and death. In countries where Christianity is against the law, the church seems to be growing all the faster. Millions of people meet together each week in underground churches to silently worship the Savior that died to redeem them. Just last night some of my girls and I were singing in my basement. . . Oh, it makes me so sad to think that there are young people out there who can't sing out loud to Jesus.

Gamaliel, a Pharisee during the time after Jesus' death and resurrection, had interesting words to share at a hearing condemning the apostles for preaching about Jesus.

Therefore, in the present case I advise you: Leave these men alone! Let them go! For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail. But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God. Acts 5:38-39

Interesting that a man who did not believe in Jesus would so accurately explain the nature of the situation, isn't it? And does it strike you as amazing that those words were written almost 2,000 years ago? Christianity has not yet failed. It has grown, and multiplied, and miraculously moved through out this world.

People are dying for Jesus just as readily as the apostles did in the beginning. I am so encouraged and inspired when I think about the faith of the millions who have gone before me, and I am convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that the church of Jesus will continue to grow and enlarge until the day He comes back to take us home.

I will leave you with another quote taken from my bible study in Mark. We are nearing the end of the book, and Barabbas has just been released and Jesus sentenced to death. It is unjust and unreal to think of a radical murderer being released, and Jesus, a preacher man making crazy claims, dying in his place. . . but then again, nothing about God's work in Christ is logical, is it?

Barabas was a guy burning the system down, he is killing people. . . But if you let Barabbas go, you can always stop him. The most Barabbas will do is go out, round up another bunch of guerrillas and start another riot. You can always stop him by bringing out the national guard and putting down his riot. Find out where he is keeping his ammunition. Raid his apartment without a search warrant and shoot him while he is still asleep. You can stop Barrabas.

But how do you stop Jesus? They nailed him to a cross. . . Then they buried him, rolled a stone over his grave, wiped their hands and said, "There is one radical who will never disturb us again. . . " Three days later Jesus Christ pulled off one of the greatest political coups of all time: He got up out of the grave. .. the leader of a new creation - who has overthrown the existing order and established a new order that is not built on man." (Tom Skinner, "The U.S. Racial Crisis and World Evangelism" in Christ the Liberator, p. 208)

Jesus is unstoppable. People may reject him as God and refuse him as Savior, but that does not change the reality of who He is and what He came to do. There are millions whose lives testify to these truths. Oh, how deeply I long for my life to be one of them!!

The Cross

I'm getting to the end of the book of Mark now. . . Having spent the last several weeks learning about Jesus' life and ministry, it is especially meaningful to read about His death. I am so deeply moved and encouraged when I think about the fact that he willingly walked the way of the cross. He chose to obey His father and fulfill the scriptures.

Sometimes I think we loose sight of the enormous sacrifice that Jesus made. We minimize it in so many ways. . . It hit me again today as I was reading in Mark 14. . .

They went to the olive grove called Gethsemane, and Jesus said, “Sit here while I go and pray.” He took Peter, James, and John with him, and he became deeply troubled and distressed. He told them, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”

He went on a little farther and fell to the ground. He prayed that, if it were possible, the awful hour awaiting him might pass him by. “Abba, Father,” he cried out, “everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.”

Why would Jesus be so crushed with grief? Why would he beg his father to change the plan? Because the pain and agony He was about to face was excruciating. Maybe we tend to minimize the cross because Jesus was God. . . So we subconsciously think that it wasn't really that bad. That somehow He didn't really feel the pain because, after all, He was God. But I think we have it backwards. I think Jesus felt all of the physical pain one could possibly bear in His body because He was fully human - and He felt all of the grief and anguish He could possibly bear in His soul because He was fully God, carrying the sin of the world.

Whatever the reasons are that we minimize the cross, this passage is an in-your-face reminder that the burden Jesus carried was bigger than anything any one of us has ever experienced. . . He willingly walked to the cross not because His "God-ness" eased the physical pain and agony of the cross, but because His love for us propelled Him forward and led him to endure the pain and agony of the cross.

We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up. Hebrews 12:2-3

You are the joy that propelled him forward. You are the reason that He endured. You are the soul that He died to save. . . Do not become weary, and don't ever give up. The Creator and Sustainer of the universe is on your side. And there is no length to which He will not go to draw you into His arms of love.

Mighty is the power of the cross.

Food for my Soul. . .

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

and on that note. . .

have a good day friends.

the Lamb

I am still reading through the book of Mark. This morning I was so moved and encouraged by both the biblical account and the thoughts that my bible study author shared that I want to pass them along to you. I was reading Mark 14:12-26, where Jesus is celebrating the Passover meal with his disciples (you can find the original instructions for the Passover meal in Exodus 12). But very quickly it becomes obvious that this is not the Passover meal of old. If you have a moment, grab your bible and read through both Mark 14:12-26 and Exodus 12:1-20.

Here are Tim's thoughts and reflections:

The first Passover meal was held on the night before a great deliverance - a deliverance from physical slavery. The Lord's Supper was held on the night before an even greater deliverance - salvation from sin and death itself!

This is a tremendous claim. Jesus shows a tremendous "audacity" in changing and revising a Passover meal that Moses said was to be done as a perpetual ordinance. He is saying something like this: "My death is the central and climactic event toward which the whole story of the people of God and the history of salvation has been moving. Every other deliverance by every other leader, every other sacrifice by every other prophet, priest, king, and hero - have all been pointing to this night. This is the climax of all history. I am about to deal with evil and sin and death once and for all."

What a powerful explanation of the truth of Jesus' death and resurrection! He is the fulfillment of every Old Testament prophesy and practice. He is my Passover Lamb, whose blood assures my safe passage into an eternity with my Maker.

Tim ends the study by saying:

If you stopped Israelites in those days and said, "who are you and what is happening here?" They would say: "I was a slave, under a sentence of death, but I took shelter under the blood of the lamb and escaped that bondage, and now God lives in our midst and we are following him into the promised land."

That is exactly what a Christian says today.

So, if you stopped me this very morning and asked, "Who are you, Erin, and what is happening here?" I would say this:

I was a slave, under a sentence of death, but I took shelter under the blood of the lamb and escaped that bondage, and now God lives in our midst and we are following him into the promised land.

My God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. . . and He will finish the work that He began in me, and in this world. Thank you for cross, Lord, and for the perfect spotless Lamb who paid our price and suffered our punishment. . . You are awesome.

Committed: Part 2

Tuesday is cleaning day at my house. . . as I've been marching around with my Windex and broom I've been contemplating this morning's post. I want to clarify one important point (if you haven't read that post yet you should probably read it first. . . ).

There are moral guidelines that should impact the life of every single believer. There are rules that we should follow. It isn't that we get to live these willy-nilly, "whatever you prefer" kind of lifestyles, but that our love for God spurs us on to obey Him when and where He calls for obedience. The mistake we often make is applying God's laws above and beyond the point that He requires, therefore creating a tiered version of Christianity in which only those who follow all of the 'extra' requirements are truly mature and spiritual.

So, while it is vitally important to extend grace toward each other as we each strive to walk with Jesus as closely as we can, it is also important to recognize the truth of His word and hold each other accountable to His good, holy, and righteous standard.

If you love me, you will obey what I command. John 14:15

(now that I am rereading this I am quite certain I have already written pretty much this exact same thing before. . . hmmm)

Committed

What does it look like to be committed to the Christian life? I remember a mentor once saying that she thought all Christian women had to wear denim jumpers and big bows in their hair. There is nothing wrong with a tasteful denim jumper - but if you met this friend of mine you would know that it would be a painful death to her sensitivities. . . Maybe you have had similar thoughts - not specifically about jumpers - but about the conformity of the Christian life.

And this is where the Christian church has done an incredible disservice to the world around us. We have encouraged this conformity complex in our communities. First of all, we do conform to each other, and then, we actually make rules over and above what the bible asks of us that force us to conform even more. I don't think this is a good idea. When we get specific in areas that God was not specific, we risk missing the point and making Christianity something it is not.

Jesus addresses a similar issue with the Pharisees. They had placed a huge emphasis on hand-washing rituals (among other things) and were confronting Jesus as to why His disciples were not following their rules. His response to their rule-making ways is this:

You have let go of the commands of God and are holding on to the traditions of men. Mark 7:8

We must be very careful not to turn the Christian life into a list of rules and traditions that God Himself never asked of us. The truth is that the expectations for the Christian life are very high, and the cost for truly following Jesus is great. But it isn't as black and white as some believers want to make it with their legalistic rule-making.

Yes, as we seek to be like Jesus we will start to look a bit the same. For one, we will all start displaying the fruits of the Spirit. We will be loving, forgiving, patient, kind, generous, and on and on. We will also all live for the same purpose - to draw the world around us into a love relationship with Jesus Himself. We will be on a mission that could cost us our life - or at least our reputation and popularity.

So in some senses, we will conform. But in other ways we will be beautifully, marvelously different! When we follow Jesus we don't lose the personality traits that God gave us from birth. I long to be a part of a Christian community that is diverse, creative, and sometimes even slightly offensive. That might sound weird to you - but if we were a group of believers who were reaching our communities for Jesus then we would continually have nonbelievers and new believers in our midst. . . and though our hearts are forever changed the very moment we come to accept Christ as our Savior, the life transformation is a process that usually takes time. So in my mind, a truly living, powerful group of Christians will always include people who don't really look or act like "proper" Christians.

So can we please let go of the rules that bind us together on false terms? Can we stop obsessing about superficial things and get to the heart of the matter? The heart, after all, is what Jesus cares most about. If we are going to be a group of people who bring healing, love, and hope to a desperate world around us we need to be sure that we're getting the message right - and not weighing it down with unnecessary obligations.

I don't have to wear denim jumpers or bows in order to be a fully committed Christian. I just have to surrender the whole of my life to Jesus.

Simple, or not.

One of the teachers of religious law was standing there listening to the debate. He realized that Jesus had answered well, so he asked, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”

Jesus replied, “The most important commandment is this: ‘Listen, O Israel! The Lord our God is the one and only Lord. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’ The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.”
Mark 12:28-31

Convinced

It is a beautifully blustery fall day here in the northwoods. I just wrapped up a bible study that my good friend and I lead with our high school girls. Let me tell you - there is nothing greater than sharing what God is teaching us with those we love. I am so excited to see sparks of faith in each of these girl's lives. I know that they are all in different spots, wrestling with different things. . . but they each possess a similar desire - however small or great - to know Jesus and learn what it really means to live for Him.

I long for each of them to come to a point of complete surrender. . . I long for that same thing for all of us! Because if I have learned anything during these last few months of growing with Jesus, it is that this is all real. He really lived. He really died. And He really offers us new life when we surrender all of ourselves to His leading.

I may not know much, but of this - I am convinced.

Conflicted

I have been going back and forth about writing this post all day. . . The truth is that I am feeling incredibly conflicted about some of the things I've been writing about and analyzing in the last few days and weeks. It isn't that I feel that any of it is untrue, or unimportant. . . more that I am not confident about how it will be or has been received.

This whole last year God has been doing a huge work in my heart and life. I am back to a place of longing to spend time in His word - actually dragging myself out of bed (happily, I might add!) at ungodly hours of the morning to be with Him in quietness before the kids get up. The most miraculous transformation in my mind, though, is the way that He has broken me free from chains that have held me for years! I haven't just avoided certain habitual sins - I have actually lost an appetite for them altogether.

And yet, every day that I draw closer to Him I also see myself continuing to make selfish, self-centered choices. I'm not perfect, and although I can say that I am more like Jesus today than I was a year ago - it would take more than eternity for me to reach that ultimate goal!

That said, this life transformation has to do with finally and fully surrendering myself at the foot of the cross. Recognizing that when Jesus said, "Come, follow me," He really meant it - in the most all-consuming way possible! It requires humility. . . putting myself aside and looking to glorify and honor Him in everything. It isn't about me becoming awesome. It isn't about me at all. . .

But I am afraid that in recent posts you might have left feeling that I have judged the whole world and found it wanting. Like somehow I have achieved truth and knowledge all I my own and everyone else is wandering aimlessly and purposely.

The truth is, some of you are. And I do believe that the Bible is the whole truth for the whole world for all of time. And I believe that though there are many interpretations of this ancient text, there is one correct way to read, understand, and apply all of God's word.

But any frustration that I have expressed in these recent days is aimed at those who claim to follow Jesus but don't really want to know what that actually means. They confess him with their lips, but do not acknowledge Him in their hearts. And if you believe that all of the bible is really true, then you must know that when those individuals face Christ on the last day, His response to them will be, "I'm sorry. I never knew you."

I am frustrated sometimes. I long for every single one of you to experience true life and true freedom. . . I long for our church to rise up and be a light in this community and world. I don't want to be arrogant or prideful, somehow assuming that I have this awesome faith and unparalleled understanding. . . I just want to know Jesus Christ and Him crucified. . . I just want to live for Him.

So maybe this post is partly an apology, and partly not. I'm sorry if my frustration has been a stumbling block, or if it has confused you, or if you haven't understood my true intentions. But I'm not sorry for speaking the truth as plainly and simply as I see it.

What's the point of all this if we can't at least speak truth?