Holy Fear

I am afraid of people. Afraid that they won't or don't like me. Afraid that they'll think I'm illegitimate or insincere. I am deeply afraid that the people I love won't like the choices I make. I know that this stems from my insecurities and my tendency to find worth in others' opinions instead of God's. . . but it is really hard to avoid it, even knowing it's root cause.

There are a few big choices I have made in life where I still feel this nagging insecurity that I somehow messed up. And honestly, I often assume that the people around me know it and feel the same way about me.

Over the last few days there have been a few opportunities for me to suffocate myself under the weight of fear. And for the most part, I did it. I allowed my sense of confidence, self-worth, and joy be affected by my fears of other peoples' opinions.

Then this morning I was reading in Proverbs, and stumbled upon this simple verse:

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline. Proverbs 1:7

So according to this verse not all fear is bad (nor does it need to be suffocating). But what does it mean to fear the Lord? I have heard a lot of people say that it isn't so much fear as respect, or awe. I don't know, to me that just doesn't quite seem to do it.

So I went to my blessin' of a hubby and asked for his perspective on this holy fear. He pointed me to Exodus 1. It was at this point in history when Pharaoh commanded that all baby boys born to the Israelites be killed. His first plan was to execute this order through the midwives who helped the Israelites deliver their babies. But his plan didn't exactly go as he had hoped. . .

The king of Egypt said to the Hebrew midwives, whose names were Shiphrah and Puah, "When you help the Hebrew women in childbirth and observe them on the delivery stool, if it is a boy, kill him; but if it is a girl, let her live." The midwives, however, feared God and did not do what the king of Egypt had told them to do; they let the boys live. Exodus 1:15-17

That is pretty amazing, isn't it? Here is Pharaoh - this powerful dictator who could snap his fingers and order anything he desired. He could have killed the midwives for not faithfully obeying his demands, and yet the midwives did not fear him. They feared God.

I think these midwives had a more accurate picture of the might and power of God than many of us do today. They understood that He had power over every king, ruler, or soldier they might face. They feared Him because they knew that His justice and wrath towards sin would be much greater than any human anger they could face.

So these midwives chose to fear the wrath of the Lord over the anger of Pharaoh, and they spared the lives of the little boys they delivered.

I believe that fear of the Lord is the beginning of understanding because it puts everything in perspective. When we place this holy, just, mighty God against anything else in this world we see where the power really is. We recognize the foolishness of fearing anything in this world because we recognize that God has power over it all.

I want to be afraid - but not of any person or opinion. I want to choose the fear of the Lord over the fear of man. Isn't funny how God's ways seem so upside down from what the world teaches? It is when I truly fear God that I find complete rest and freedom in Him.