Goodnight Erin.

Well, if this blog is going to be a fair, balanced picture of a life (ok, well - my life) lived for Christ, then I think I need to update from yesterday's post. Oh, I can guarantee that those words I wrote were dripping with sincerity. I truly long to live every 10 minutes - in fact every minute - for Jesus.

But I fail. A lot. About a half hour after writing that entry I pretty much fell apart. It had been a long week in the Fisher house. . . Matt was out of town, I had led youth group Wednesday night (not my strength or gifting, by the way), and was preparing to sub for the Thursday morning women's bible study.

As 4 year olds sometimes do, Caleb decided that the Thomas the Tank Engine underpants I picked out for him to wear were not quite up to par. That is when it began. I flipped my lid and lost sight of Christ. I was instantly frustrated, impatient, and trying to fix it all in my own strength and wisdom.

My pulse was still racing when I arrived at bible study, and though the conversation was encouraging and obviously Jesus-centered, I have to admit that my heart was still trying to accomplish that task all on its own. . .

Then, I got in my car to drive over to a friend's house for lunch and managed to fishtail on 1/2 an inch of snow and hit a tree in our new/used car. The rest of the afternoon I mostly felt sorry for myself.

Good morning, Jesus. Goodnight, Erin. Wow. It is amazing how we can know and feel the power and presence of God so clearly in certain moments, and how we can then almost instantly forget it and function completely out of our own ability.

Ugh. Praise God for His undeserved and unending grace and mercy. I want to live the next 10 minutes for Jesus, but I am thankful that if Caleb's underpants become a wedgie in my perspective and ability to focus on Christ, tomorrow is a new day, and a renewed opportunity to surrender yet again at the foot of the cross and live in and through Christ instead of myself.

Today I am excited to live for Jesus. . . but I am humbled knowing that it is only by His grace and through the power of His Spirit at work in me that I will be able to succeed.