Portrait of Imperfection

Guilt is an ugly thing. It clings to the deepest corners of our hearts and makes us incapable of moving forward. I think a lot of people live with a deep sense of guilt. Maybe its from mistakes in their past that they have yet to let go of, or from lifestyles that they currently live but somehow cannot seem to change. Either way, the guilt that they experience keeps them from living life to its fullest and feeling the wonderfully deep contentment and satisfaction that comes with a clear conscience.

Sometimes I think guilt is what holds people back from God. They think that because of the bad choices they've made, or the circumstances they have endured, they are unworthy and unwanted by this great, holy, righteous God. A family member used to say that going to church was painful, because he felt like he was bringing this big, dark cloud into the sanctuary with him.

This is exactly the opposite of what God wants us to feel or experience when we come to him. You are not supposed to be weighed down by your guilt. Jesus died to bring us freedom! When we fail to live the way we should, we are to fall on our knees and repent. . . and then arise again knowing that we are fully forgiven, we are fully loved, and we are fully enabled through God's strength and power to flee from that sin when it comes knocking again.

If guilt is holding you back from experiencing life with God, you need to pick up your bible and read about some of the faithful who followed Jesus during his ministry on earth. If anyone should have felt guilty for their lack of faith, their struggle for power in God's kingdom, or their lack of compassion and love for the multitudes, it was the disciples.

But they didn't wallow in guilt for their bad behavior. They didn't hunker down and hide after Jesus' death and resurrection. . . they recognized at once that they were forgiven and gave their lives to share this forgiveness with others!

Its ok if you've made mistakes - we all have. And its ok if those mistakes are really, really bad ones. . . Remember, Jesus came to heal the sick, not the healthy. And it doesn't matter how sick you are or how ugly your sin, Jesus longs to bring you healing and new life.

And yes, when we surrender our lives to Jesus and live for him our choices will look different. They must! But it isn't because we suddenly become perfect or above sin (or sinners), its because our love for our Savior drives us to live differently from the world around us. And we will still falter and fail sometimes. . . but just as the disciples did 2,000 years ago, we simply get up, repent of our sin, and boldly run after Christ once again.

His grace is enough. . . there is no guilty conscience that He cannot wipe clean. I pray that you would experience His forgiveness, love, and unending grace today. . . Jesus died so you would, you know.

Heart to Heart

You know that feeling you get in your heart when it literally feels heavy? Its like you can physically experience sadness sometimes. My heart feels like that right now. It isn't anything resulting from today. . . today has been wonderfully beautiful and enjoyable. . . This particular sadness stems from a longing deep within that has grown much stronger over the last few months. It is a longing that is painful because it is completely out of my control. I cannot will it to be so by my own strength or manipulating. Oh, how I wish I could!

At the center of my longing stands two people who I love very much: Jesus and you. I cannot express to you how much I long for you to know and love Christ. . . to experience the life He offers and the love He died to give. I would give anything to share what I have learned over these last few years in a way that would open your heart to what it truly means to follow Christ.

But I can't. I can't open your heart to anything. The life that you live is between you and your Maker. It is your choice, and no convincing words on my behalf will change you. I am not God.

I have to admit that there are times when I wish my carefully crafted words would seep into corners yet unreached and challenge and change souls for an eternity. . . but I have to admit (with humility) that even if your life was changed after reading words I had written it would have been an act of God using my words despite myself.

I don't have it altogether. . . I am not perfect. But I have started to understand the Gospel in an entirely new way. I understand the purpose of life and the reason I exist with a different kind of clarity. I will never know it all, but I certainly know more than I did. And with this knowledge has come a sense of confidence, and freedom, and passion, and joy that I have never felt before with such great intensity.

I long for you to experience the same. It is literally painful sometimes when I think that some of you might be missing the very best life has to offer. I'm not trying to be proud. I'm being honest. If you are reading this right now, and somewhere in your heart you understand and agree. . . if on some level you recognize that you are missing something, anything, then I want to give you one challenge. And you have to promise me you'll do it. Deal?

Message me.

You don't have to do it here - or anywhere that others can see it. But if in this very moment you feel any small sense of incompleteness or aloneness or confusion. . . message me.

There is absolutely nothing I would rather do than tell you about the love and joy that has filled my life to overflowing. It doesn't matter if you've been a Christian for 10 years, or 10 months, or if you wouldn't consider yourself a Christian at all. And it doesn't matter if we've been friends forever or if we've never actually met. I'm not going to try and change you, because I can't. I will only share what I know through the experiences I've had. . . and in doing so pray that God would reveal Himself afresh to you.

Praying for you today. . .

I am a Pilgrim

I love fall. The colors are amazing up here in the north woods. . . I also love fall for the holidays that come soon after. It is a nostalgic time of year to be sure. I have great memories of making Pilgrim and Indian hats at school when I was a kid. I never quite understood the significance of the Pilgrims and Indians then, but the hats were pretty cool.

Now as I look back, I see a different kind of significance to the whole story. The idea of people traveling to a new land in order to make a permanent home intrigues me. . . I can relate on some levels - because I am a pilgrim too. I am living in a land that is not my own, but there is one significant difference. I am not looking to make a permanent home here. I already have one. It is in heaven, with Jesus.

You see, the bible teaches that once we accept Christ's death as the payment for our sins, we become sons and daughters of God, adopted into his family. That means that our home is wherever He is. He is our God, our Savior, and our Father. I will never be complete this side of heaven, because I am living in a body and a place that is only temporary.

I think if we all understood this, and really believed it, we would live much differently. Wouldn't we? I mean, if we actually lived as if this place was just temporary, and that heaven was our true home, then we would probably not be so attached to the things of this world, right? I was going to start off this blog by suggesting that we all move out of our houses and live in tents. I decided not to, because it seems like a fairly ridiculous notion, but it does make a point about the way we live our lives.

It is too easy to get caught up in making life full, comfortable, and fun here on earth. It becomes all about really living our Senior year, having the wedding of a lifetime, building the house of our dreams. . . when in reality, none of those things really matter! Its not that God doesn't want us to enjoy senior year, or have a beautiful wedding or a great home. . . its that those things should never consume the bulk of our energy or be our deepest desires. We are living for so much more!! There is an eternity in heaven, our true home, waiting for us. And everything we do here impacts the eternity that we will spend there.

The bible says it like this:

But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are a kingdom of priests, God's holy nation, his very own possession. This is so you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people; now you are the people of God. Once you received none of God's mercy; now you have received his mercy. Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. 1 Peter 2:9, 11

So we are always confident, even though we know that as long as we live in these bodies we are not at home with the Lord. That is why we live by believing and not by seeing. Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord. So our aim is to please him always, whether we are here in this body or away from this body. For we must all stand before Christ to be judged. We will each receive whatever we deserve for the good or evil we have done in our bodies. 2 Corinthians 5:6-10

So, to ask a difficult question, do you long to be away from this earthly dwelling and living in heaven with your Father? Or does the thought of having to leave this world and all that it possesses scare you? It is a hard thing, and I am certainly not an expert in any of this.

But I cannot and will not avoid saying what I believe is true. No matter how hard it is to hear or live, the reality is that this world is not our home. The more attached we are to it, the less we will hunger for the return of our Savior and the eventual journey to our eternal home. We are to live holy, blameless lives here not because we are supposed to be better than everyone else. . . or because God wants us to have some sort of holy front that we show when we're around others. We are supposed to live holy and blameless lives because the life we live here will have an impact on the eternity we spend in heaven! The choices we make today will effect forever. . .

I am a Pilgrim. This is not my home. I am longing for the day when Jesus returns and places all things under his feet. I am longing to be reunited face to face with the saints that have gone before me. I struggle every day to keep my perspective on heaven and not to live for the things of this world. . . but I know that ultimately that is what we are all called to do.

Lift your eyes up. No matter what circumstances you face today, God is preparing a place for you that is greater than your senior year, more glorious than your wedding day, and more fulfilling than the house of your dreams.

Live for that. . . not this.

Juicy Fruit

Do you ever look around this world and wonder how things got so bad? How this creation that was supposed to be good turned into such a difficult, tragic, evil place?

I know that we have all heard the creation story many, many times. But I think it's good to revisit it every once in a while. . . It helps us understand why we are where we are right now, and reminds us that this world - the way it is now - isn't what God wanted for us.

It is crazy to think about Adam and Eve having unhindered intimacy with God. Can you even imagine living in a perfectly beautiful place, sharing wonderfully peaceful love, and walking in the cool of the day with your Creator? How on earth could they have messed that up!?!? What could possibly have caused them to turn their backs on that wonderful relationship and opt for something else?

Well, the very same temptations that led Eve and Adam down that bumpy path lure us away from our Maker too. If you read the serpent's words in Genesis 3, you see that he was very clever in causing Eve to question God's rules (and God's motives for creating those rules in the first place). And isn't that what leads us into sin so often? We doubt the necessity of God's rules, or we question why He made them in the first place. We don't really believe that sin will ruin us, so we willfully walk into it, anticipating that the rewards will far outweigh the consequences. Oh, how badly we are mistaken.

God's word is truth. His laws are good - based on His deep, unending love for us and His desire to see our lives full and rich! But the serpent is cunning, and his desire is to draw us away from our true source of Life. He will make the things of this world look so good; he will tempt us by subtly twisting God's word to meet a different end. Sin will creep into our lives so slowly and steadily that we don't even see it as sin. . .

If we are going to recognize sin as sin; if we are going to find the strength and will to reject it and run after Jesus, we have to have the right perspective. We have to be in His word -reminding ourselves of His ways, His love, and His goodness. And sometimes, we have to take our eyes off the things of this world in order to see clearly.

I have pretty much stopped watching TV altogether. One thing I have learned in recent months is that watching TV numbs my senses. It is an avenue that the serpent uses to work his way into my heart, convincing me that sin isn't really that bad. If I watch it long enough, I start to lose my connection to Christ, and begin to live for the things of this world.

You want to know something crazy? I don't miss it. I'm not disconnected and separate from the world. . . I'm right here in it! But I'm not living for it, and I'm not nearly so tempted by it's fruit when I'm not soaking myself in it's lies night after night. Maybe TV isn't a vice for you. Maybe the serpent sneaks into your mind twisting your view of what it means to walk with God in a different way.

Today I want to challenge you to take a long, hard look at your life. Where are you at in your walk with God? Are you experiencing as much unhindered intimacy as you possibly can this side of heaven? Are you questioning his laws and ways because the temptations of this world just seem so darn appealing?

We always need the encouragement and love of our brothers and sisters in Christ. . . but sometimes we need a little kick in the bum, too. I love you all, and my heart's deepest desire and prayer is that you would leave the things of this world in the dust and run after the One who made you, saved you, and now offers you a life beyond what you could even imagine - if only you would truly live for Him. . .

Losing life or saving face?

God's word is amazing. . . There are passages of scripture that can simultaneously bring me to my knees and yet cause me to dance for joy! Every time I read about the One who died to save me, I fall in love with him all over again. . . moved and challenged by his single-minded purpose and mission here on earth. Humbled on my knees when I see my sin next to his selfless glory, but dancing on my feet when I remember that his death has wiped away that sin and offers a life beyond what I could ever ask or imagine!

Today I want you to read a passage from Mark. I am hoping that you will place yourself there, sitting at Jesus feet, listening with great intent to the words he speaks. Don't just read them - try to understand them. Ask yourself questions like, "What is Jesus asking of me? Is my life reflecting his character, love, service, and sacrifice? Am I living for the right things?"

God's word is a double edged sword - let it pierce your heart and free your soul.

From Mark 8:31-38:

Then Jesus began to tell them that the Son of Man must suffer many terrible things and be rejected by the elders, the leading priests, and the teachers of religious law. He would be killed, but three days later he would rise from the dead. As he talked about this openly with his disciples, Peter took him aside and began to reprimand him for saying such things.

Jesus turned around and looked at his disciples, then reprimanded Peter. “Get away from me, Satan!” he said. “You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God’s.”

Then, calling the crowd to join his disciples, he said, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake of the Good News, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul? If anyone is ashamed of me and my message in these adulterous and sinful days, the Son of Man will be ashamed of that person when he returns in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.”

I Can See Clearly Now. . .

I am always amazed at how obtuse I can be when I read the bible. Seriously, it is almost laughable sometimes when I look back and read my responses to different bible study questions. I really am trying to understand - but honestly, sometimes I don't get it. I think part of it has to do with author's intent. . . you know that whoever wrote the bible study has a particular answer in mind, and often times I just end up going the wrong direction. It's no big deal, and certainly nothing to actually be ashamed about (I'd rather be in the word coming up with the wrong conclusions and being corrected rather than avoiding it all together), but it does make me laugh. Sometimes it gets to the point where I read the author's answer before I write my own, so that my answer will actually be right. Oh my word, did I say that out loud?

Ha! Well, it's the honest truth. But it is also the beautiful, amazing thing about scripture. We can understand the truths that it holds on such varying levels. The truth doesn't change, but our ability to comprehend and apply can grow and change drastically!!! I was particularily reminded of this truth while I studied this morning.

In Mark 8:22-26 Jesus heals another blind man. This time he does it in two steps. The first time he asks the man, "Do you see anything?" And the man replies, "Yes, I see people, but I can't see them very clearly. They look like trees walking around." So Jesus lays his hands on the man's eyes again, and it says that his vision was completely restored.

So, the wonderful author of my bible study asks me, "Why does Jesus heal this man in two steps?" And in my depth of wisdom, maturity, and insight I reply, "I have absolutely no idea. Why don't you tell me?" =)

But seriously, once I read Tim's thoughts my own eyes were opened and it seemed so clear! The stories before this all show the disciple's (and Pharisees) own spiritual blindness - they see Jesus, they just don't see Jesus, you know? In the story after this one, Peter finally confesses Jesus as the Christ, which means he is starting to see Jesus for who He really is. So when Jesus heals the blind man in two steps, its like he showing us that even though we can physically see, we may not fully understand. At first, the man could see, but he compared people to walking trees. Obviously his mind was not able to comprehend what he was seeing. So Jesus restored the understanding of his vision, and he could see clearly.

The bible talks about this truth elsewhere. . . the idea that despite all that is right in front of our eyes, we do not understand what God is revealing to us.

Listen, you foolish and senseless people-- who have eyes but do not see, who have ears but do not hear. Jeremiah 5:21

The truth of the matter is that we need God to open the eyes of our hearts and minds to understand what we see. We need to pray and ask God to give us His eyes for the people and things of this world. When we aren't looking through God's eyes, we tend to have a skewed view of what is real. Just a few verses later in Mark, Jesus has a very intense warning for Peter:

Jesus turned and looked at his disciples and then said to Peter very sternly, "Get away from me, Satan! You are seeing things merely from a human point of
view, not from God's." Mark 8:33

It matters not just what we see, but how we see! I am so grateful for bible studies like the one I'm currently doing, because when I read the perspective of one who sees with greater clarity and understanding than myself, it encourages me to think, see, and understand from God's point of view. That doesn't mean that Tim or any other bible study author is always right. It is up to us to go back to scripture and examine it to see if they are on the right track. . . but the wisdom that we gain when we do these things together is tremendous!!

Oh, I pray that we would all have eyes that see and ears that hear the beautiful, magnificent truth of our Savior today!!

Humility and Hope: Part II

It never ceases to amaze me how God chooses to affirm what we learn through experience by opening our hearts and minds in the bible. The day before yesterday I wrote about humility and hope - how we need to admit our sinfulness (and even be willing for others to see it), but not let ourselves believe that because of our sinfulness we are useless or hopeless members of the kingdom of God! This morning I sat down to my study of the book of Mark, and found an example of exactly that same truth in the ministry of Jesus. If you have a moment, open your bible to Mark too, and read 7:24-30.

This is a difficult passage in scripture. It really feels like Jesus is kind of being mean, doesn't it? In essence, He is comparing this woman (and therefore all Greek/Gentiles) to dogs. That is offensive, yes? But when we read these things, we have to hold them up against what we know to be true of Jesus. And I refuse to believe that his heart in those moments was to be hurtful, or unloving to this woman. I think he was making a point, and offering this woman the opportunity to respond.

Her response is beautiful, humble, faithful, and an example for all of us. Jesus says that the food must first go to the children, and then what is left will be given to the dogs. She says, "Yes, Lord." Yes to what? Yes, I am a dog. I am spiritually unclean; unfit to sit at this table with you. But she doesn't just stop there. She doesn't say, "Yes, Lord. I am unfit, so I'll just go sit in the corner and cry while you break bread with those more worthy than I." NO! She brings it right back and acknowledges that mere crumbs from Jesus' table would be enough to bring healing and restoration! You see, she isn't offended by Jesus. She admits her sinfulness and unworthiness. . . But she is bold, hopeful, and honest when she responds.

She is the perfect example of humility and hope. The author of my bible study puts the moral of this story like this:

Only if you admit you are a dog under the table can you become a child at the table. You are more sinful and wicked than you ever dared believe, and yet you are more accepted and loved than you ever dared hope.

I am no different than the Greek woman. I am no more worthy of the love and attention of Jesus than she was. I must acknowledge and admit that I am a sinner! But then, I must boldly approach the throne of God and claim the forgiveness that He offers in Christ!

I am not worthy on my own, but once I have accepted the crumbs that fall from the table I find myself sitting at that very table. . . shoulder to shoulder with Jesus.

Now, you are either completely offended by this or full of joy and hope. If you are offended, take a long and serious look at why. Jesus was not a racist; he was not intolerate and unloving. He challenged the religious leaders who wanted the faith to look that way. He wanted to open the door of salvation to every man, woman, and child - no matter what cultural or racial background they carried. But following after Jesus does require us to humble ourselves, and to recognize that all of our good works are like filthy rags compared to the righteousness and holiness that God requires.

We are all infected and impure with sin. When we display our righteous deeds, they are nothing but filthy rags. Like autumn leaves, we wither and fall, and our sins sweep us away like the wind. Isaiah 64:6

And yet:

When Jesus heard this, he told them, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor— sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.” Mark 2:17

Because of us, we must be humble. . . because of Him, we dare find hope!