Bedside Meditations. . .

I got the stomach flu this week. It was a rather unpleasant experience, as you would probably assume. I am still in recovery mode (but this morning finally able to drink a cup of coffee - hallelujah!!).

I don't know what happens to you when you're sick, but my brain turns to mush. I have a hard time creating coherent thoughts and I'm certainly not capable of writing any meaningful reflections. On days like these I feel a little disconnected - from the world, my friends, and sometimes even God. Quiet times (aka reading my bible and journaling) become a little difficult when I can't think. . .

But there is one thing that I cling to in moments like these. . . worship. It takes virtually no brain power to hit play on my Ipod and simply soak in the words that others have written about my God. The other night I was blasting Shane & Shane and was so very encouraged by a reference to 2 Cor. 4:7. In that verse Paul says,

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.

I laughed to myself while I was laying there - thinking that my jar of clay was looking particularly ridiculous that night. But how amazing to remember that its not about me. It doesn't matter if I have it all together or if I'm falling to pieces in my bed. God has chosen to show HIS mighty power in me and through me. . . and He doesn't mind that I'm broken - in fact, He uses that very brokenness to draw people to Himself.

And that is about as deep as it gets when this chick is sick. To tell you the truth, a lot of my most encouraging moments come from hearing the same truths I've believed for years in a context that makes them come alive in a new or different way.

So while I'm grateful the sickness is over, I'm also thankful for the opportunity to remember that God can (and will!) show His power through me no matter what sad state I'm in. . .

If you are in Christ, then you are a beautifully broken jar of clay too. . . praise Him today for the great privilege of shining His light through your brokenness!!

No Fear

Do you ever sense a disconnect between what you know and how you act? I mean, have you ever been totally convinced that something is true and then lived in such a way that looks like you doubt more than you believe?

For example, would it make sense to head to the school bus in snow boots and a parka if you believed the weatherman when he said that it was going to be 80 and sunny out? Maybe that isn't a very good example; weatherman aren't so dependable, after all. But you get the point. And I think we do this a whole lot more than we realize.

Last semester in bible study we went through The Truth Project with Dr. Dale Tacket (I don't really know how to spell his name - that's an honest guess). He had this fabulous quote that has stuck with me over the months. . .

Do you really believe that what you believe is really real?

And the follow up question to that would be this: Then why don't you live like it? See, we have this God who has given us everything we need for life. He loves us more than we could ever imagine and longs to drench us in His goodness. Do our lives reflect that we really believe that?

I can honestly say that sometimes I look like the girl in snow boots and a parka at the bus stop in 80 degree weather when it comes to how I live out my faith. I don't doubt that God has me in the palm of His hand and that He is concerned about the very details of my life; I think sometimes I just kinda forget.

In my forgetfulness, I worry. But worry is completely unnecessary and inappropriate when we remember who God is and how He loves us! Just think of Joshua in the Old Testament. He had to lead a rather large group of people who were annoyed and annoying most of the time into fierce and crazy battles that seemed impossible to win. Did Joshua have reason to worry? Oh yeah, I think he did. But what did God say to him?

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

Our God is big enough and strong enough to handle any and every circumstance we face. And in case you are about to respond with "that's lovely Erin, but I'm not Joshua," let me remind you that God has promised each one of us the same thing.

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:19-20

If God is with us, what else do we need? This very day let's start living like we believe it! Let's lay aside our worries and fears and march forward into battle with a confident and thankful heart. Let's pack up our parkas and pull out the tanks trusting that God will bring the warmth and sun that we so desperately need.

Paul (one of the bible's authors who was seriously in love with Jesus and seriously lived like he really believed it was all real), offers some encouragement for those of us who have the tendency to worry. I am going to make this my prayer today. In fact, I think I'm going to write it on a note card and tape it somewhere obnoxious. I need to remember this today, and every day.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:6-7

Brave & Beautiful

I love being a part of the body of Christ. It is amazing to think about the size of my extended family. . . the thousands of races, languages, and cultures that make up this beautiful, blended group. If you have a minute this morning, check out Katie's blog. You can access it on the left column under "Blogs I read. And love." Its called The Journey. For those of you who haven't checked out her site before, she is a young woman in her twenties who has moved to Uganda and has adopted 14 (or so) young girls. She is an amazing example of complete surrender and sacrifice for Jesus. Her entries are beautiful, passionate, and real.

Recently a friend told me that my honesty and transparency is brave. Maybe it is (I think it only seems brave because so few people live that way), or maybe it isn't. But no matter what your thoughts on Christianity or transparency are, there is no denying that Katie is brave.

Brave and beautiful. . . and I am praying for her and her girls today.

Family Portrait

I love my kids. And I really love being a mom. If you read this blog any a regular basis you might notice something, though. I don't talk about my kids a lot in my posts. I don't mean to mislead you - it isn't that my kids aren't a priority. . . it is simply that my identity as a child of God is not completely wrapped up in being a mom. I'm really passionate about raising my children and lovin' on them with unconditional and Christ-like love, and I'm also really passionate about doing ministry alongside my hubby with people who are longing for conversations that go deeper than the silly thing my 2 year old said yesterday (although its a pretty good place to start).

So I wear two hats, and I love it. But today I think I'm going to blend my worlds and talk about my kids. They are a huge part of who I am - and when I am paying attention, they often teach me more than I teach them. They are awesome.

Caleb is a lot like his daddy. He has always been a little bit introverted; totally satisfied with a measuring cup, a train, or (these days) an action figure and his little self. When my Nana passed away we had a family dinner with extended relatives. Caleb was 1 and 1/2 years old and sat in a high chair at the restaurant for 3 hours without complaint. Amazing, if you ask me. He does have pieces of me, though. He has a tender heart and a very soft conscience. Yesterday he told the babysitter (rather insistently, apparently) that he needed to go to bed early because he had been naughty before she came. I am so proud of this little guy. . . but also aware that he is a sinner like everyone else and in need of the grace of God. Oh, how I pray that he will be a man after God's own heart!!

And then there is Alison. My mini me. She is outgoing and chatty. When you stand her next to other kids her age she sounds like a 10 year old. She is also super dramatic and a little (understatement) emotional. There are days when I would appreciate a toned down version of this little chick, but usually I find a lot of joy and laughter in her dramatic antics. She has one great passion in life: babies. Everywhere we go she finds babies, kisses babies, holds babies, turns random small objects into babies. . . Its a bit of an obsession. But I'm so grateful for the way it shows the love she feels. The first thing she often says when she sees babies and their moms is, "Oh, baby loves her Mama, and Mama loves baby." That's my girl - feelin' the love. I'm praying and longing for her to feel the same love and passion for and from Christ one day!

These little kids light up my life and remind me of the great blessings of my God. It is a humbling thing to realize how much responsibility I have in raising them. . . but I couldn't have asked for a better partner - Matt is an amazing Daddy - and I know that God will guide us and lead us as we help mold these little ones into the people He created them to be. Oh, I cannot wait to see what comes in their lives!!

So, this is my family. My other job. And, honestly, the one that matters most. . .

A Book Report

I left my bible in the car last night. Its only 10 feet outside my front door, but rather than braving the chilly morning I decided to pull out The Message (a translation that says the same thing but in a more contemporary way). I have to say - its fun to read The Message because it makes certain parts of Scripture that often seem confusing or outdated come alive. But it also felt a little empty. I don't know, there's just something about my bible. . . it isn't the same opening up a different book.

I had a friend in high school who really loved Jesus, and I remember one particular afternoon she was showing me her new bedroom furniture. I noticed her bible (a rather enormous one, I have to admit) tucked half under the covers of her bed. She smiled her sweet little smile and said that she sleeps with it there because she loves it so much. Is that weird? Maybe a little.

But I get it. I don't sleep with my bible, but I understand the sentiment. When you accept as truth what God has given us in His word; when your heart is filled to overflowing with the joy of salvation through Christ. . . well, you just can't get enough of His word.

I love my bible because I know exactly where all of my favorite passages are. I have challenging and encouraging phrases underlined so that when I flip through I notice their presence there. I remember carrying that bible around Israel and reading stories about Christ that happened on the very earth I was standing upon.

I love my bible because I love Jesus and it is the closest I will ever get to Him this side of heaven.

So, how do you feel about your bible? If you have the same bible you were using in 6th grade it might be time for an upgrade. A worthwhile investment in my opinion (although it is pretty awesome to look through my old bible and laugh at the weird things I thought necessary to underline).

You don't have to sleep with it. . . but spend enough time immersed in it that you begin to fall in love with the words that share the very heart of God. Know it well enough to allow it to mold you and change you into the image of Christ.

Don't read your bible just to read it - to check it off a list of super spiritual activities. It won't mean much to you then. . . Read it with an open heart that longs to be changed by it.

If you don't spend a lot of time in God's word it might be hard at first. It might feel forced or awkward to sit and meditate on words that you don't understand or fully believe. But don't give up after the first try. . . go back again and again and again. And one day you'll realize that somewhere in the course of your trying you did it.

You met the Creator of the Universe in those flimsy pages and fell in love.

God Is

I spent the last hour writing a new post. Then I deleted it.

All I really want to say this morning is that God is real and God is here. If you don't believe that, or today you simply struggle to feel that, I am begging you to get on your knees and ask Him to open your heart and mind to Him. I will be on my knees begging on your behalf.

Praying that the words to this song will today - or one day - be the very cry of your heart as well.

Absolutely
Starfield

Lover of my soul
I want to tell you
Only you have all of me
I cannot contain my adoration
I'm in love so desperately

No one is as lovely as you are
There is no one else who has my heart

Jesus you have me completely
Every breath I breathe
I am absolutely in love
Jesus I am yours forever
All of me surrenders
I am absolutely in love with you

Down upon my knees
I'm lost in worship
Humbled by your majesty
What is there to say
But how I love you
Thank you for forgiving me

Identity Theft

Life was dramatic when I was a kid - in part due to my personality, and in part due to my circumstances. I faced a lot of difficult situations when it came to friends (and enemies, for that matter). As a result, I become intensely insecure and a little obsessed with getting people to like me. "People pleaser" doesn't begin to describe the lengths to which I would often go to feel accepted.

At 27 I traveled across the world to Israel and finally saw clearly how far I was from being freed from my thirst for acceptance. And it was there that the truth of my freedom in Christ became a reality and started transforming my heart and mind. It is a process that is continuing today as I seek to honor Christ rather than please my peers.

I don't know where you're at when it comes to issues like this, but I hope that you have felt at least a taste of the freedom Jesus offers. For a girl who faced a lot of rejection and hurt it is a pretty amazing thing to understand the acceptance and love and security available to me in Him.

And it is pretty awesome to have enough confidence to be who I am without shame or fear of rejection. Its not that people don't reject me anymore - its just that I've decided as long as I am being true to who I am and faithful to my Savior, I don't really care either way.

I shouldn't say that. It doesn't feel good to know that you've been rejected, but I've finally come to a place where I refuse to allow that to change how I act or who I am.

I love Jesus. I love Him more than anything else in this world. I am convinced that His love for me is deeper and wider and higher and stronger than any love we could conceive of. I believe that He made me the way I am for a reason, and that He loves seeing me throw off the shackles of approval and run unashamedly after Him and His purpose in my life.

Do you think I speak this strongly in order to manipulate crowds? Or curry favor with God? Or get popular applause? If my goal was popularity, I wouldn't bother being Christ's slave. Know this—I am most emphatic here, friends—this great Message I delivered to you is not mere human optimism. I didn't receive it through the traditions, and I wasn't taught it in some school. I got it straight from God, received the Message directly from Jesus Christ. Galatians 1:10-11