Beloved

There was this couple in my high school that was famous for their explosive relationship. They would be all googly-eyed and giddy around each other one day (and showing way more affection that I thought necessary or appropriate) and then suddenly be freezing each other out and yelling at each other in public the next. . . It didn't seem like the healthiest relationship, but I have to be honest - on the good days I found myself secretly envious.

When this particular boy was not fighting with this particular girl, they seemed to be living in some sort of alternate universe of sheer joy and complete self-confidence. On these good days this girl would float through the hallways with a huge grin on her face, oblivious to the gossip going on all around her predicting the time and place of their next huge meltdown. . .

You see, when that boy loved her, it seemed to me like she was invincible! So long as she felt confident in his feelings for her and her status as his girlfriend, all of the negativity around her seemed completely irrelevant. It was like watching a scary movie; totally horrific but completely addicting.

The other day I wrote about how important it is for us to understand our princess status as children of God. I wasn't referring to some superficial confidence, or poofy dresses and tiaras. I was talking about seeing ourselves as God sees us in Christ. I was alluding to the alternate universe that we actually belong to where we are loved beyond measure and accepted just as we are.

You see, when we understand our "princess status" as believers, then we get to walk through this life filled with the sheer joy and complete confidence of knowing that we belong to God. We can slap a big, silly grin on our faces and become invincible to the gossip and negativity around us. We can love others without the fear of them one day refusing to return our love because we've received all the love we'll ever need in Jesus.

I think understanding this reality is especially important for girls because we tend to struggle way more with feelings of insecurity and unlove. Maybe that isn't always true, but it seems to be the trend in my life.

Lets take, for example, the 4 month period when Matt and I were engaged and living 3 hours apart. We would talk on the phone most evenings, and when it came time to say goodbye the awful cycle would begin. I would feel sad that we had to say goodbye, and I would try to prolong it. Matt would get frustrated that I was prolonging it because he had to go work on a paper, so he would just get a brief "talk to you later" in there and be on his way. I would shut my phone and cry for 3 minutes, feeling completely abandoned and unloved and then I would called Matt back. . . He would then assure me of his love and we would begin the whole hanging up routine again.

My word. I really was insane.

So maybe you aren't that crazy - but for me feeling completely secure and confident in the way someone else feels about me is difficult. I tend to compare myself with others and often find myself wanting. I don't always feel like I deserve the love of the people in my life, so I try my very hardest to earn it.

Do you want to know something amazing? That isn't how God's love works. There isn't some way that we have to earn our princess status in Christ. Here's what we do: we admit that we are broken; we confess that we have sinned; we believe - not just with our minds, but with our hearts, hands & feet that Jesus can wash us clean. . . and we rest in the knowledge that His love is enough!

I don't have to worry about earning His love any more than I need to try and make you like me. I can walk through this hallway of life focused on the alternate universe that will one day be my home. . . smiling because His love for me is not explosive and unpredictable. It is never changing, never fading, always present love. And it is all I will ever need in this life and the next.

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. 1 Peter 2:9-10

There you go friends; Princess 101.

Gag Me

I used to like to think of myself as a manly Christian. Is that weird? Maybe a tad. But it seemed preferable to thinking of myself as a girly Christian. Girly Christians made me gag.

That sounds like such a harsh way to start this post, but I've got to be honest, right?

So maybe I should explain myself before anyone takes this the wrong way. It all goes back to one particular night in college when I found myself slightly ashamed to be a girl. You see, I was involved in Campus Crusade for Christ and we would often have "Mens' Times" and "Womens' Times" where the boys and girls would separate and we would hear talks geared specifically for our gender. To some of you this sounds weird already, doesn't it?

Well, anyway, on one fateful night I remember coming home from our Women's Time and talking to some of the boys. They were super pumped about what they had learned and were talking on and on about it. It was something totally manly and spiritual like being a man and rejecting passivity. Then the unfortunate moment came when they asked us what we learned at the Women's Time, and I had to choke out these words: "Well, we learned that since Jesus is a Prince and we are all his adopted sisters that we are, in fact, all princesses."

At this point it might help to remind you that I was not in kindergarten but college.

So it was at that moment that I decided to try and 'man up' the women's ministry on our campus. I was desperate for opportunities to go deeper; I wanted to learn something more significant than my princess status or how to look trendy and modest at the same time. . . I firmly believed that being a girl didn't mean I had to be a syrupy Christian.

I still believe all those things are true, but I gotta admit, my perspective on the princess thing has changed.

I think we need to hear about our princess status in Christ; I think we're never too old to be reminded of what it means to be a girl and a Christian at the same time.

Here's the deal: I've never met a girl who didn't struggle with insecurity and unhealthy comparison on one level or another. And the only truly effective solution I've ever found for this epidemic is understanding our true identity and ultimate worth in God's eyes.

You see, not talking about these things would be like trying to skip kindergarten. No one skips kindergarten - its where you learn how to read and the rest of school would be a little challenging if you couldn't read.

Its no different with the princess thing. It is foundational to our relationship with God and our ability to live out our faith effectively. The problem is that a lot of us start hearing about it when we're 5, so we associate it as a lack of growth and maturity thing. We think things like, "Oh, I've heard that since I was 5, I get it. I don't need to hear about the princess thing anymore - I'm too mature for that."

Except - I think we have a faulty system for determining when we have graduated from princess training school. Take reading, for example. When do you know that someone has learned to read? When they can read. Brilliant.

So, how do we know that we have fully understood our position in Christ as a girl? When we live and act and speak and think in ways that show complete confidence in ourselves and the way that God has made us. When we are never tempted to judge another girl's behavior or skills or put someone else down so that we will feel better about ourselves. When we are overjoyed at the successes of others even if it means we're a notch or two lower on the totem pole.

Whenever there are still hints of insecurity in our lives, well, those are reminders that on some level we have not fully understood or accepted our princess status. The funny thing is that when I was 19 I thought I had passed that course. I thought it was beneath me.

Now that I'm 30 I am realizing that I might never pass that course. I will be in princess training for the rest of my life. . . and I'm ok with that. My brilliant solution to all of this is to do both. I can simultaneously work on understanding my position in Christ and growing deeper in my knowledge of the Scriptures. They can work together. . .

It is a dangerous place to be when we think we have it all figured out, don't you think?

Its ok to be a girly Christian. . . so long as we are continually striving to find our full selves in Christ and pursue Him with all we are and have. . .

I'm a princess.

And I'm not feeling the urge to gag one bit.

Love & Prayer

I love to read. When I was younger I was addicted to fiction. I especially loved adventures set in times long ago. . . As I grew up and started taking my faith more seriously I started reading books that talked about God; books that helped me walk with Him and live for Him more fully.

I remember one car trip with Matt before we had kids. I was reading out loud from a book by D.A. Carson, who happened to be one of Matt's professor's at seminary. The book was about prayer; how we can look to Paul's prayers in the Epistles as models for our own prayers. For some reason I remember being particularly moved by what I was reading at some point and bursting into tears. Poor Matt. I believe I kept reading as I sobbed. . . I'm not sure he was able to glean much from that particular reading. . .

That incident was at least 6 years ago, but there are parts of that particular book that have stuck with me to this day. There is something powerful about praying Paul's prayers for myself and for the people I love.

So this morning I am praying for you. The other day I talked about how love seemed to be the theme of my God-thoughts these days. . . and it will continue to be the theme of my summer as we hit the road with our bible study on His Revolutionary Love.

Today I am praying that you can experience the richness of His love in a powerful and life-transforming way. God knows I am longing for it to continually transform mine. . .

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:14-19

L-O-V-E

In my last post I wrote about the all consuming, amazing love of Christ. I spoke about the power of that love to heal our hurts and lift us out of the struggles we face. . . This summer we're going to kick off some small groups at Big Tree and I'm leading a girls study based off of the book "His Revolutionary Love." As you would assume from the title, the whole purpose of the book is to help us see that God's love is more than sufficient to fill our hearts and lives with joy, and peace, and significance. . . Over the last few weeks Matt has discovered some new music - and all of my favorites from these fabulous bands are songs specifically expressing the love of our God for us.

Do you see a theme here?

This has happened to me before. When I was in late elementary school I remember writing this in my diary: "Dear God, everything around me has to do with bras and periods lately. What does this mean?" Apparently it meant nothing except that all my friends were maturing at a much faster rate than myself. Oh well.

But sometimes I feel like there is a purpose behind the "coincidental" themes in our lives. Its like God is preparing us for something; or like He is making things obvious so that we actually sit down and ponder what we're learning.

So I find myself thinking, "Do I really understand the enormity and expansiveness of God's love for me?" I think the more we understand this love, the easier life on this fallen earth becomes. The more we depend on this love, the greater our capacity to forgive those who disappoint and hurt us here. And the more we return this great love to our God, well, the more our lives begin to look like an accurate reflection of Christ. . . our Savior, our King, our brother, and our ultimate example.

I'm glad that God is finding so many ways to set His love before my eyes. It is life giving and heart filling. . . and it makes my love for Him grow ever so strong and steady.

Here is one of my new favorite songs. If you have a minute, give it a good listen. . . and roll around a little in God's overflowing love while you're at it. . .

One Thing Remains

You Make Me Beautiful

I am so excited about what happened in our youth room last Wednesday night. 62 girls gathered together to hear about the painful reality of eating disorders and cutting. It is an epidemic that our culture is feeding; one that begins in small and innocent ways and ends in heartache, emptiness, and sometimes death. I don't mean to be dramatic. . . its just the simple truth.

The wonderful hope in it all? That there is another way.

Truly - there is another way to face the hurt and pain in your life. Another way to deal with the rejection of parents, or friends, or family. . . There is a source of comfort that will never fade, or diminish, or abandon you.

There is a way that you can see yourself that does not involved shame, or disappointment, or failure.

Oh - sweet friends - there is Jesus! He is the way. He is the truth. And He is the life - the very best life you will ever know. A few months back I wrote a blog about beauty, and the discouragement that we often feel when we compare ourselves to the world's standards. You can read that post here. If you are struggling with the expectations this world has for you and are feeling like you'll never measure up - take a minute and read it. . .

Most of all, I hope you know that in Jesus we have the most overwhelming, radical, consuming love we could ever hope to find. That love heals, protects, fills up, and finds beautiful absolutely every single person it enters.

Do you have that love in you?

This world tells you the 587 steps you need to take to become beautiful. That love tells you that you already are.

Don't just read that and walk away. Marvel in that. You are beautiful to Him. His love completes You. And there is nothing you could ever do to lose it. . .

I like that way of living and dealing with life a whole lot better than the way the world offers. . . don't you?

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

Fluffy Puff

A few days ago I was up early in the morning reading my bible and spending some sweet time with my God. I was so excited about a particular passage that I actually woke Matt up to tell him about it. I was reading in 1 Corinthians and I stumbled upon this:

Now about food sacrificed to idols: We know that we all possess knowledge. Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up. The man who think he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know. But the man who loves God is known by God. 1 Cor 8:1-3

I love that line: Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up. I don't know about you, but I am thinking that being built is better than being puffed. It reminds me of the story of the 3 little pigs. One builds a house of straw, another a house of sticks, and the third a house of bricks. With a huff and a puff the evil wolf blows the first 2 houses down without much effort. But when said wolf faces the brick structure he finds himself unable to puff it down. . . I'm thinking the straw and stick houses are great pictures for the "puffing" up that Paul is talking about. They are weak and unstable, and on their own they do nothing to protect the terrified pigs from the evil one.

The interesting thing, though, is that in these verses it is actually knowledge that is the cause of the puffing up. That seems strange, doesn't it?

Our Christian culture places such a huge emphasis on knowledge. We are dubious about acquiring information, protecting that information, and informing others of the ways that they are misinterpreting or mishandling the information that we have so wisely gathered. Could it be that the pursuit of knowledge is not so holy and wonderful as we first thought?

Well, I can answer that question quickly: no. We are called to search out understanding and to seek wisdom. There is absolute truth and we are absolutely called to live by it. If we don't know and understand this gospel that we live then we will be unstable ourselves. . .

So what is Paul saying, then, if not that knowledge is bad?

I think he is telling us that knowledge is not everything. There is a point to which knowledge can actually cause us to stumble; a breaking point where the stuff we know begins to choke the life out of us.

The remedy for this problem? Love.

When we filter our knowledge through the love of Christ in us that knowledge becomes a source of strength rather than a burden to us or a yoke that we place on others. When love is behind our attempts to protect and preserve the truth, we are less puffed and more built. . .

There is so much more that we could glean from this passage of scripture; the wider context is so thought provoking and insightful. . . but for today, this is the challenge that I want to leave you with:

Sometimes our knowledge of right and wrong does more damage than good. Sometimes we need to be a little less focused on whether or not everyone is playing by the rules and a little more concerned about whether or not they have the love of Christ. If not, are they seeing it through us? Or are they seeing someone who is filled to overflowing with moral smarts and totally lacking in compassion, understanding, and the love that exceeds all understanding?

I don't know about you, but I want desperately to be built up in Christ. No more fluffy puff here, my friends. I will strive to work out my knowledge through the scope of God's amazing love, and while I will never sacrifice what I know is absolute truth, I will also never use it as a club to beat down those in my midst.

Knowledge and love.

Both. And.

End of story.

The Modesty Gestapo

If you are friends with me on Facebook, you might have noticed that I purchased a new swimsuit online today. To say that I am excited about it might be an understatement. Swimsuits and I have had a long history of not getting along. I suppose I shouldn't be getting too excited yet seeing as how I haven't even tried it on, but I have good vibes about this one. . . I think we were meant to be.

I stumbled upon the website doing a Google search for "modest swimsuits." The first few sites listed were geared towards Mormon, Christian, Muslim and Jewish women. I didn't even try those sites. I had a sneaking suspicion that their swimsuits would be a little less than fabulous. I know that is judgmental and that I should never assume things like that; but I did.

You see, I used the word "modest" in my Google search because the style of swimsuit that I happen to feel most comfortable in fits within that general category. Now, the word modest is a big word in the Christian world, but I didn't use it because I believe that it has any magical power to make me a better Christ follower. To be really honest, I have come to the point where the word modesty kinda gives me the heebee jeebees.

Here is the deal. I don't like the rules that Christian society has created to happily wrap up and market this whole idea of modesty. I don't like it because I don't think it accurately reflects the heart of God.

I believe that when the bible talks about things related to modesty, we are meant to be challenged on the inside, not the outside. I believe that "modesty" can and does mean different things in different cultures. You can't make everything black and white.

But here is what IS black and white. A modest heart is one that seeks to honor Christ above all else. A modest mind is one that is consumed with serving others and lifting others up instead of making itself the continual center of attention. A modest appearance is one that does not demand negative and inappropriate attention, but one that displays the beauty of God's wonderful creative powers and the confidence of a girl defined not by her looks but by her status as a daughter of the Almighty Father.

I will never give you swimsuit rules because God hasn't given us swimsuit rules. He has given us His own Spirit as an internal guide and source of wisdom. Now, if I happen to run into you on the beach and your appearance is so provocative that I feel scandalous standing next to you I might say something. But it won't be a critique of your swimwear. It will be a challenge to enter into the presence of your Father and seek out His perspective on the state of your heart and the source of your self worth.

I started reading a great little e-book the other day called "Lies My Pastor Told Me." One of the lies is that the bible is a book of rules. I hope you know that isn't true. There are rules in the bible, but the primary purpose of the bible is to reveal the true story of the whole world and God's heart towards us. We add to those rules to make ourselves feel more comfortable, to give us identifiable boundaries to live within, and to guide and instruct the people around us. Rule making isn't always born out of impure motives; in fact, I think it is usually born out of a desire to lead people closer to Christ. But the problem with rules is that the result isn't usually to draw people to Christ. On the contrary, rules often leave people feeling judged, inadequate, and condemned.

I like modest swimsuits because I like to sit in the sand with my kids and run around the beach without having to "adjust" my suit 8,000 times.

Your swimsuit might look very different, and I think that is just fine. Inasmuch as your desire is to honor Christ in all that you do, then I believe you have the freedom to choose whatever kind of swimsuit accurately reflects that relationship.

I guess if I were to create a swimsuit rule it would be this: love Jesus with all your heart, and mind, and soul, and strength. . . and then go buy the most fabulous and comfortable swimsuit you lay your sweet little eyes on!