Out of Control

Yesterday we went to a birthday party at the fire station for a little boy in Caleb's class. It was so sweet watching the kids excitedly climb all over the fire engines and talk to the firefighters.

And then it was time to open presents.

Have you ever watched 5 year olds at birthday parties? If not, I can sum up the experience in 3 words: out of control. Even though all of the kids know that the presents aren't for them, they have this insane need to claw their way to the front and get in the birthday boy's face and analyze his loot (of course, all of this at the expense of the softer and meeker 5 year olds who they have trampled on their way forward). I'm seriously not exaggerating.

Now, it might be easy for me to start feeling a little proud of my little guy in these moments. I could take credit and feel smug that his present was the last one opened because he was patiently circling around the outskirts of the mob waiting for his chance to offer the birthday boy his gift.

But that would be misplaced pride.

Caleb is no less consumed with receiving presents. He's just smaller and a little less aggressive than some of the other kids his age. I could try every tactic in the book to make him selfless at age 5, but it won't happen. He might not have been body slamming anyone to make it to the front of the mob, but his heart is filled with the same self-obsession that drove the others to such behavior (ok, ok, no one was actually body slamming. . . but almost. . . ).

Have you ever tried to explain to a 5 year old that it is more blessed to give than to receive? Do you have any idea how strange and completely impossible that seems to them?

I can promise you that I will do my best to instill a desire to give in my children. But I can also promise that this is a lesson that takes time, deeper understanding, and usually the Spirit of God moving within.

You know, these truths don't just apply to 5 year olds and selfishness.

I have experienced the goodness of God, the absolute truth of His word, and the amazing blessing that comes from walking with Him. I have found freedom and identity and great purpose through Christ, and my life is abundant and full and wonderful.

That doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It just means that everyday is a gift from my Father and with Him steadfast at my side there is nothing that will deter me or destroy me.

Have you experienced this? Do you know what this is like?

Oh. Words cannot express, can they? But have you ever tried to explain that great identity and joy and purpose to someone and have them deny the truths that you have experienced so fully? Have you ever been rejected for your faith by someone who finds it impossible to believe that what you are saying can actually be truth?

Makes me think of the birthday party. Now - don't get me wrong - I'm not comparing the maturity level or intellectual ability of unbelievers to 5 year olds. I am simply acknowledging that just like I cannot convince my 5 year old that it is really better to give than to receive, we cannot convince someone that our faith is real and that our God is good.

It doesn't matter how hard we try. I cannot take a heart that is against God and make it for God. I might have the most powerful story and the most perfect illustration. . . but it doesn't matter.

I can only do my best to impart the beauty and freedom and joy of the truths that I have learned. I can only pray that God will move in the hearts of those I love that they might see the truth of the words I speak.

I can see a little light in Caleb's heart. I think he'll get it one day. There will come a time when he will choose to bless someone else instead of hoarding everything for himself.

And I pray - quite desperately - that the same will happen in the hearts of dear friends and total strangers who have yet to experience the joy of complete surrender to Jesus. There will come a day when they will see Jesus and choose to believe that He is who He said He was, and that He can do what He said He can do.