Never Give Up

Well, I'm 30 now. Its funny how old that seemed at one point in my life. . . Now I'm ready for it! I love that I'm 30, and I feel like this next decade is going to be fabulous. I've been thinking a lot about my post last week, especially in light of my birthday. If you didn't see it, I had shared about my (frustrating) tendency to change who I am and how I act depending on the people that I'm around.

The thing is, though, that when I wrote that post I wasn't writing it in a discouraged or defeated way. I had seen something in myself (well, with the help of a certain love of mine pointing it out), and was processing the good, the bad, and the ugly. I didn't cry (amazing!), and by the end of the discussion/reflection time I was actually encouraged thinking about what God can and will do through me.

That, my friends, is why I'm excited to be 30. Not making sense yet?

You see, there is a beautiful thing that comes from age and experience (though you don't need either of those things to gain it!) called maturity. Just a few short years ago if anyone I loved pointed out a sin issue in my life I would crumble to the floor in tears and self loathing. I was incapable of receiving constructive criticism without letting it effect my own feelings of self worth.

But now, God has done this crazy thing in me. He has given me this unwavering confidence in where I stand with Him. He has affirmed in me His great love and unfailing mercy, and I am not afraid to discover (and consequently share) my weaknesses and struggles with others. I'm not afraid because I finally understand and believe that they don't define me.

I am a child of God. I am loved, forgiven, redeemed, adopted, and filled. I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine. . .

On some level I will probably always be fighting my people-pleasing tendencies, but I am aware of that propensity and continually pray and work towards a single-minded, Christ-pleasing mentality.

I am running after Christ and throwing off the hindrances that distract me from my cause. I'm not sinless, but I know I sin less. And when I do stumble along the way the path to repentance seems much clearer than it did before.

When you feel overwhelmed and discouraged with your sin, and when it feels like you will never turn that corner and be completely free, remember that sometimes it isn't until you turn around and look back that you realize how much you've really grown.

And when it is difficult to see growth even there, take your eyes off of your struggles and remember who you are, and whose you are. . .

Ephesians 1:3-11 (the message):

How blessed is God! And what a blessing he is! He's the Father of our Master, Jesus Christ, and takes us to the high places of blessing in him. Long before he laid down earth's foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son.

Because of the sacrifice of the Messiah, his blood poured out on the altar of the Cross, we're a free people—free of penalties and punishments chalked up by all our misdeeds. And not just barely free, either. Abundantly free! He thought of everything, provided for everything we could possibly need, letting us in on the plans he took such delight in making. He set it all out before us in Christ, a long-range plan in which everything would be brought together and summed up in him, everything in deepest heaven, everything on planet earth.

It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.

Chameleon

Do you ever find yourself in situations where it is difficult to really be yourself? Like you have to veil a part of who you are, or emulate something that isn't necessarily what you're like? I find myself feeling this way often. . . I know where it comes from; why I do it. It isn't a quality that I hope to pass on to my children, because the root issue at hand here is my desperate longing for acceptance and approval from others who cross my path (not a desirable or Christ-like longing).

My chameleon tendencies are exaggerated even further because I have this natural dramatic flair that makes it really easy for me to change into whatever "character" best fits whatever context I happen to find myself in. I can even change the way I talk and how I communicate like flippin' a switch.

I'm telling you all this because I'm trying to be real (the whole point of this blog, yes?) but it is an unfortunate and difficult thing to admit (especially seeing as how it is something I have recognized and fought against time and time again over the years. . . ). I want to be the kind of woman who is consistent and transparent in all circumstances; no matter who I'm around or what they are like. I want to be completely unafraid to be who I am. You see, it isn't that my actions or words in these situations are sinful, its the heart behind them that is longing for acceptance from people instead of God.

I am most convicted when I think about Christ. Do you think he ever changed the way he spoke or how he acted in order to convince the crowds that he was fabulous? Do you think he allowed the attitudes and behaviors of others to define his behavior? No way, my friends. . . I am convinced that Jesus was completely unconcerned with acceptance, and completely consumed with truth. It didn't matter how others perceived him, only that he was following after the will of his Father.

I am also convicted when I think about God, my Father. His unchanging character is what gives us the greatest confidence and assurance of our eternal destiny with Him. If He was continually swaying with the wind, following the fickle desires of His heart, we would have no confidence in where we stand. But He is a rock; unmovable, unchangeable, forever and always the same. How awesome is that?

So, that's where my heart is this morning. . . Immensely grateful for a Savior who lived the greatest example, and for a God who offers unending opportunities to be molded into the example Christ has set (and through His Spirit the power to do it!).

Oh, pray with me that we would all run unashamedly after Christ in whatever capacity He has fashioned us to run!

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10

He grew up before him like a tender shoot, like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. Isaiah 53:3

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17

Lead me on

Now that I have been out of routine for a few weeks I'm finding it difficult to find that place of consistency again. . . In some ways that is good. Some old habits that needed to change have been altogether erased without much effort on my part. Writing, however, seems to have been added to the list of neglected activities, and that is frustrating. . . I guess I should extend myself some grace - after all, our life was turned upside down a couple weeks ago. I just have this inner longing to be settled and scheduled the minute I arrive somewhere new. Its an unrealistic and unnecessary need, but one that I feel deeply nonetheless.

So my lack of posting is annoying to me, because there is no shortage of activity going on inside this head and heart of mine. I am doing my best to catalog this experience in my long term memory; cementing this time so that one day I can look back and relive the joys and fears and wonders of the transition.

The truth of the matter is that everything is different in my life right now. I feel like I was headed 100 miles an hour in one direction and suddenly (overnight!) shifted 180 degrees the opposite way. . . Neither direction is inherently good or bad - just different. I am loving this different. I am grateful for this opportunity and expectant for what God will do.

I look to the road I was on and I can see how God truly works all things for the good of those who love Him. I see how His hand was leading us and how His Spirit transformed us. I think about the friendships that we developed and the lives that we touched, and I am grateful. It was good.

And now I look ahead to the road before us, and I am excited. . . Oh, how awesome it is to live the life! What amazing joy and hope and assurance there is when we follow Jesus - really follow Jesus. Its gonna be good. Different in every way, but good.

One day I'll look back on this time and see it as the road I was on, rather than the one I currently travel. I'll recognize the ways that God worked in us and through us here, and hopefully I'll be able to turn my face to the new road ahead and feel the same anxious anticipation and hope that I feel right now.

We keep our eyes on Jesus, we follow regardless of the cost, and we race on for the joy set before us, for the road yet traveled.

Oh, this is gonna be a good road. I can tell already. . .

Rebel with a cause

I am not naturally rebellious. I am a rule follower. Give me a rule; I will follow it. I am horrified by the idea of failing to meet others' expectations, and even more distraught at the thought of actually getting into trouble. Last week we were rebuked by the association where we live for using sidewalk chalk on the walkway to our apartment. I cried. Now, I'm pretty sure I was not just crying about breaking the rule, but it pushed me over the edge nonetheless.

You have to love the way God works, though, because He has pushed my rule-following ways to the absolute limit lately. You see, for some reason He has instilled this far greater need within me to follow Jesus. Jesus first, rules second. That might sound strange, because we usually assume that those two are equivalent. Jesus made the rules, right?

Not necessarily. Jesus laid out a passion, a plan, and a purpose for each of our lives. When we look to His life, His teaching, and His example we gain a clear picture of how we are to live. The problem is that over time we tend to develop an aching need to paint the picture a little clearer and add to the example of Christ.

Sometimes we can become so bogged down in following our revised vision of the Christian life that we lose sight of Christ altogether (Mark 7). When we lose sight of Christ, the clear passion, plan and purpose for our lives becomes lost as well. We begin to live in a morality bubble where following the rules somehow trumps following Christ.

Lately, there have been moments where I actually feel rebellious. Strange, isn't it, that I could feel rebellious following Christ? Especially seeing as how it most often occurs when I'm with other Christians. . .

Rules aren't bad or wrong. Sometimes I think we just forget the why behind the rule and the rule becomes the end instead of the means. Or we just accept the rule without really processing it through the words and life of Christ to determine if its actually legitimate.

Jesus first. Rules second.

If you love me, you will obey what I command. John 14:15

It isn't that we're not to be obedient, only that our obedience flows first from our love. We focus on our relationship with Christ and look to Him for our standards for living. Love Him first and obedience to Him follows quite easily.

Jesus first. Rules second.

Works every time. . .

Ready or Not

I got my hair chopped off again. I've been in a consistent cycle for about the last 15 years of chopping it off and "growing it out." The growing out part never really reaches its full end, because I get tired of it all much too quickly for it to grow very much. And that, my friends, is the story of my life. As a kid I rearranged my room constantly, and if you haven't noticed my propensity to "redecorate" this blog on a regular basis then you haven't been paying much attention. I love change. I see it as an adventure, and without some sort of change - well, I'm afraid life might get a little boring.

As a follower of Christ, we have to be ready for change. We have to be willing to "redecorate" our lives as we learn what it means to walk with Jesus and model our lives after His. Sometimes following Christ will mean big changes - like, for example, moving! - and sometimes it will mean small ones - like being more generous with our time right where we are. Whatever it might look like in each of our lives, our willingness to change makes all the difference in the kind of disciples we are.

I think Jesus' first disciples are great examples for us in the area of change. They dropped everything to follow Him. They walked away from their careers and their families. Matthew puts it like this:

As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. "Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men." At once they left their nets and followed him. Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Jesus called them, and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him. Matthew 4:18-22

Pretty crazy, huh? Can you even imagine just up and walking away from your life as you know it? Thankfully, we are not all called to leave our homes or our families in order to follow Christ. Some of us will experience changes in our character and influence as we model our lives after the example of our Savior, but not in our location or vocation.

Others of us will have to take wild and seemingly crazy steps outside our comfort zones to follow the calling God has placed on our lives. I know a young woman who is overseas sharing the Gospel in a country where Christianity is a dangerous choice to make. Her family was frustrated and angered by her decision to follow Christ to this dangerous place. . . She did indeed have to walk away from her home and the ones she loves in order to stick to her guns and walk in the dust of her Rabbi. I pray for her, and hope that she experiences the joy of knowing that she was faithful even when it was difficult.

And that is the truth that we all must face in one way or another. No matter how much any of us may like change, following Christ will at some point require changes that are hard. I may love cutting my hair, but I absolutely hate walking away from individuals who have breathed life, joy, and wisdom into me every week for the last several years. It is never easy to surrender ourselves completely because it means that we no longer have the option of just making the choices that satisfy our personal preferences and desires.

I want to be willing to go where God wants me to go, and to stay where He wants me to stay. I want to be the kind of disciple that follows in an "at once" and "immediately" kind of way. It isn't always easy, but boy - it is worth it!

"I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." - Jesus, John 8:12

The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day. Proverbs 4:18

In a Fog

It has been a while since I have sat down at this computer to process life with you all. There seem to be about 100 reasons why, but mostly I think my brain feels mushy. And when my brain feels mushy there isn't much sense in trying to say anything meaningful - at least not on the world wide web where everyone will get to experience the ridiculous mushiness firsthand.

You see, life is moving so fast; each day seeming to go faster than the one before it. I think that is probably normal when facing big transitions, but it has surprised me none the less. I am usually the type of person who analyzes life daily and deeply. I am constantly processing the circumstances I am facing and determining the state of my heart and relationship with Christ in the midst of it.

Right now, though, I feel like I'm in a little bit of survival mode. I am plodding along through each day, trying to do my best to prepare my family and friends for the transition that is about to take place. I am praying that God would work out the details and trusting that He is in control. And in that prayer I think I am starting to understand why I feel mushy and unable to analyze my life in this transition right now.

I am not in control.

I don't have a clue what is going to happen, how its going to feel, or what the long term effects will be. I've never done this before. I don't really know what I'm doing.

Yet, somehow, I'm not too worried about my complete lack of control. I know that as long as I'm searching desperately for God's face in the midst of the packing and goodbyes, well, then I'll be okay. We will all be okay.

This is the power and beauty and wonder of the Christian life. It is an adventure that at times seems safe and at times seems more dangerous than we would have ever dreamed. I don't want to be afraid of those dangerous times, because I truly believe that it is when we are willing to follow Christ even into the danger zones we experience the power and presence of God in the most amazing ways.

I have no idea what the coming days and weeks will bring; I can't begin to guess how it will feel or what I will learn. But I do know that so long as we keep running after Jesus we'll be stronger and wiser and closer to Him in the end.

I'm still a little mushy, but I haven't fallen off the map altogether. Maybe once all is said and done I'll be able to process the lessons from this season of life a little more deeply. . . or maybe not. Maybe a year from now I'll still be looking back wondering how it all happened, and simply acknowledging the fact that even when I am mushy and confused, He has the whole world in His hands.

Praise the Maker

Last week I talked about celebrating, and the way that God the Father so lavishly celebrates us when we turn to Him for life and salvation. I was encouraged and challenged to do a better job of celebrating the people in my own life. . . And recently its gotten me thinking about how we, as Christians, do in this area in general. How good are we (as the body of Christ) at celebrating the people around us?

Do we lavishly celebrate those who come to Christ? Are we joyfully praising those who have made steps to walk more closely with their Savior? When brothers and sisters use the gifts that God has given them to glorify Jesus and expand God's kingdom, do we praise and thank them in tangible ways for their giftedness and service?

Unfortunately, I think many times the answer to those questions would have to be no. It seems strange to me that we would not be quick to celebrate, praise and encourage each other, but somehow I think we have twisted the purpose for the encouragement and made it something unholy.

I have heard 2 reasons (stemming from the same issue) for why we hold back our praise instead of lavishly celebrating one another. First, people are afraid that by celebrating an individual they are somehow stealing praise from God. I have a problem with this line of thinking because it seems to ignore the fact that we have been created by God, and that when we praise each other we are, in essence, praising God.

For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10 (NLT)

We are God's greatest work of art, His crowning achievement in all of creation. We have been created in His image, and every good gift we have comes from him. When we exercise those gifts we are bringing glory to our Creator. Think about it this way: imagine an artist who has painted a phenomenal portrait. She is unbelievably proud of this work and often visits the gallery where it hangs to watch other peoples' reactions to it. Do you think she is bothered when the crowds ohh and ahh over this piece of artwork? Do you think she feels slighted and offended that they are talking about the painting instead of the artist? NO!!! When people walk through and praise her painting she beams with pride and joy because the picture is, in many ways, her. She is one with her prized piece and any accolades that her art receives go straight to her; even if the adoring crowd has no idea who the artist is.

In the same way God has created each of us uniquely and has gifted us for a specific purpose. When someone praises my musical ability they are praising my God - because He made me this way. Sure, I practiced and prepared and worked hard to achieve a high level of musicianship, but God gave me the fingers to play the songs and the ears to hear the beat. I believe that my musical ability is the result of God in me. I believe He is standing at the back of the sanctuary, beaming with pride when my brothers and sisters encourage and applaud my offering. When they encourage me, they essentially acknowledge Him.

The second reason I have heard for holding back praise is that it creates an environment in-conducive to humility. If we praise and encourage someone for a particular gift they have we run the risk of giving them a "big head" and causing them to stumble.

I am sorry, but that is just not biblical. The Scriptures are filled to overflowing with wild, passionate encouragements for believers. Paul goes on and on at the start of just about every letter about the wonderful things he has heard about the individuals he is writing to. He is honest about their weaknesses, but he doesn't fail to applaud and encourage their successes. (Think about the way the angel addresses Mary in Luke: "Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you." He didn't say, "Greetings, you who are mostly favored - but don't let that get to your head because you are also a sinner and need to remember that you have a long way to go before you will be truly worthy, so, let's not get too excited here.")

The truth of the matter is this: it isn't my job to keep you humble, nor is it your job to humble me. If we withhold praise for fear of sending someone down the wrong path, we often jump start their journey in that direction. I am more likely to become self consumed when I am uncertain of other people's perceptions of me. In fact, I become paralyzed when I feel insecure and unsure of how people actually feel. When I am encouraged, however, I feel free to continue running after Christ, using the gifts He has given me without shame or fear of rejection.

If a true follower of Christ is encouraged to the point of self obsession, then you can be certain that the Holy Spirit will move in their lives and bring them back to a place of humility. We all need to remember where we stand; that our gifts make us no more worthy than any other individual we know. It is not our strengths that define us, but our Savior.

We have, however, been given these gifts to strengthen each other and edify the body. Lets be the kind of people who praise the believers in our midst, instilling within them a great level of confidence in the way that God made them. Lets praise them for who God made them to be, filling them with courage to offer their gifts to the best of their ability.

Lets praise each other, knowing that ultimately we are praising the one and only Creator.