The Modesty Gestapo

If you are friends with me on Facebook, you might have noticed that I purchased a new swimsuit online today. To say that I am excited about it might be an understatement. Swimsuits and I have had a long history of not getting along. I suppose I shouldn't be getting too excited yet seeing as how I haven't even tried it on, but I have good vibes about this one. . . I think we were meant to be.

I stumbled upon the website doing a Google search for "modest swimsuits." The first few sites listed were geared towards Mormon, Christian, Muslim and Jewish women. I didn't even try those sites. I had a sneaking suspicion that their swimsuits would be a little less than fabulous. I know that is judgmental and that I should never assume things like that; but I did.

You see, I used the word "modest" in my Google search because the style of swimsuit that I happen to feel most comfortable in fits within that general category. Now, the word modest is a big word in the Christian world, but I didn't use it because I believe that it has any magical power to make me a better Christ follower. To be really honest, I have come to the point where the word modesty kinda gives me the heebee jeebees.

Here is the deal. I don't like the rules that Christian society has created to happily wrap up and market this whole idea of modesty. I don't like it because I don't think it accurately reflects the heart of God.

I believe that when the bible talks about things related to modesty, we are meant to be challenged on the inside, not the outside. I believe that "modesty" can and does mean different things in different cultures. You can't make everything black and white.

But here is what IS black and white. A modest heart is one that seeks to honor Christ above all else. A modest mind is one that is consumed with serving others and lifting others up instead of making itself the continual center of attention. A modest appearance is one that does not demand negative and inappropriate attention, but one that displays the beauty of God's wonderful creative powers and the confidence of a girl defined not by her looks but by her status as a daughter of the Almighty Father.

I will never give you swimsuit rules because God hasn't given us swimsuit rules. He has given us His own Spirit as an internal guide and source of wisdom. Now, if I happen to run into you on the beach and your appearance is so provocative that I feel scandalous standing next to you I might say something. But it won't be a critique of your swimwear. It will be a challenge to enter into the presence of your Father and seek out His perspective on the state of your heart and the source of your self worth.

I started reading a great little e-book the other day called "Lies My Pastor Told Me." One of the lies is that the bible is a book of rules. I hope you know that isn't true. There are rules in the bible, but the primary purpose of the bible is to reveal the true story of the whole world and God's heart towards us. We add to those rules to make ourselves feel more comfortable, to give us identifiable boundaries to live within, and to guide and instruct the people around us. Rule making isn't always born out of impure motives; in fact, I think it is usually born out of a desire to lead people closer to Christ. But the problem with rules is that the result isn't usually to draw people to Christ. On the contrary, rules often leave people feeling judged, inadequate, and condemned.

I like modest swimsuits because I like to sit in the sand with my kids and run around the beach without having to "adjust" my suit 8,000 times.

Your swimsuit might look very different, and I think that is just fine. Inasmuch as your desire is to honor Christ in all that you do, then I believe you have the freedom to choose whatever kind of swimsuit accurately reflects that relationship.

I guess if I were to create a swimsuit rule it would be this: love Jesus with all your heart, and mind, and soul, and strength. . . and then go buy the most fabulous and comfortable swimsuit you lay your sweet little eyes on!

The Jesus Stamp of Approval

Last weekend I attended a womens conference at my church. I was the high school small group leader, so I admittedly walked into it with more expectations for how God would work in the lives of the girls than how He would work in my own life.

I believe that God did work in the girls lives - but through out the entire weekend I felt like the focus of His presence and attention rested right on me. He spoke to me last weekend, and I came face to face with the perpetual struggle within my soul.

Galatians 1:10 says this:
Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.

And that, my friends, is the nature of the battle I fight inside. I think this verse should be tattooed on my forehead so that I never forget it. I could share the hundreds of ways that God has shown me that the approval of others is pointless, but I can also tell you that though this battle has been much easier and much less frequent as a result of those lessons, it is still one that I face.

Here is the cool thing: when God was laying that verse on my heart last weekend I was thinking very specifically about ways in which I had recently been consumed with worry about what others thought of me or my family. I assumed that God was humbling me (which, I'm sure He was), and that He was correcting wrong thinking that I had allowed to creep back in over recent days and weeks.

Alright girls, now fast forward one week. I have decided that God's plans are much bigger than we could ever know (surprise!). God was not just humbling me or correcting my thinking; He was preparing me for a battle that was soon to come.

You see, I had no idea that I would face another situation a week later in which my heart would be shredded in the attempt to seek approval from others. Sometimes we don't see what is coming - but God does. He knew that I would need to have a fresh reminder of what actually matters so that I could walk through the next week without completely falling apart.

Oh how I love Him, my Father God!

There is such confidence and hope and joy when we understand and live by the truth of His word. How awesome that we can truly be unconcerned with the opinions of others and totally consumed with the perspective of our Savior. There is one man - one Spirit - one God whose opinion actually matters.

If we take Galatians 1:10 at its word, then I would go so far as to say that it is impossible to serve Christ and seek approval from others. And lets get one thing straight here: this verse is referring to any kind of approval outside of God's approval. There is no distinction here between approval from ungodly or worldy people and approval from brothers and sisters in Christ. I can be no more consumed with the opinions of other Christians than I can with people whose beliefs are completely opposed to mine.

I want to be a servant of Christ. I want to honor Him with every moment and every breath. I am daily praying that I would continue to understand the freedom that I have so intensely tasted and to then carry that freedom to every dark place in my heart in every difficult situation I face.

Are you consumed with what others think of you? Let me assure you that when you get to heaven and stand before Christ you will not hear this: "Well, I don't know honey. I mean, Erin Fisher thought you were pretty awesome, but this girl Betty thought you were kinda lame. I just don't know if I want to associate with someone lame, you know?"

The heart of Christ is pure and unblemished, and when we seek His approval we are safe and free to live the lives that we were called to live. We will experience life to the fullest and joy unparalleled.

Are you now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or are you trying to please men? If you are still trying to please men, you cannot be a servant of Christ.

I can promise you something wonderful, too. As you work to seek the approval of Christ and live for Him alone you will soon understand something amazing about the "Jesus stamp of approval."

You already have it. . . just as you are.

Out of Control

Yesterday we went to a birthday party at the fire station for a little boy in Caleb's class. It was so sweet watching the kids excitedly climb all over the fire engines and talk to the firefighters.

And then it was time to open presents.

Have you ever watched 5 year olds at birthday parties? If not, I can sum up the experience in 3 words: out of control. Even though all of the kids know that the presents aren't for them, they have this insane need to claw their way to the front and get in the birthday boy's face and analyze his loot (of course, all of this at the expense of the softer and meeker 5 year olds who they have trampled on their way forward). I'm seriously not exaggerating.

Now, it might be easy for me to start feeling a little proud of my little guy in these moments. I could take credit and feel smug that his present was the last one opened because he was patiently circling around the outskirts of the mob waiting for his chance to offer the birthday boy his gift.

But that would be misplaced pride.

Caleb is no less consumed with receiving presents. He's just smaller and a little less aggressive than some of the other kids his age. I could try every tactic in the book to make him selfless at age 5, but it won't happen. He might not have been body slamming anyone to make it to the front of the mob, but his heart is filled with the same self-obsession that drove the others to such behavior (ok, ok, no one was actually body slamming. . . but almost. . . ).

Have you ever tried to explain to a 5 year old that it is more blessed to give than to receive? Do you have any idea how strange and completely impossible that seems to them?

I can promise you that I will do my best to instill a desire to give in my children. But I can also promise that this is a lesson that takes time, deeper understanding, and usually the Spirit of God moving within.

You know, these truths don't just apply to 5 year olds and selfishness.

I have experienced the goodness of God, the absolute truth of His word, and the amazing blessing that comes from walking with Him. I have found freedom and identity and great purpose through Christ, and my life is abundant and full and wonderful.

That doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It just means that everyday is a gift from my Father and with Him steadfast at my side there is nothing that will deter me or destroy me.

Have you experienced this? Do you know what this is like?

Oh. Words cannot express, can they? But have you ever tried to explain that great identity and joy and purpose to someone and have them deny the truths that you have experienced so fully? Have you ever been rejected for your faith by someone who finds it impossible to believe that what you are saying can actually be truth?

Makes me think of the birthday party. Now - don't get me wrong - I'm not comparing the maturity level or intellectual ability of unbelievers to 5 year olds. I am simply acknowledging that just like I cannot convince my 5 year old that it is really better to give than to receive, we cannot convince someone that our faith is real and that our God is good.

It doesn't matter how hard we try. I cannot take a heart that is against God and make it for God. I might have the most powerful story and the most perfect illustration. . . but it doesn't matter.

I can only do my best to impart the beauty and freedom and joy of the truths that I have learned. I can only pray that God will move in the hearts of those I love that they might see the truth of the words I speak.

I can see a little light in Caleb's heart. I think he'll get it one day. There will come a time when he will choose to bless someone else instead of hoarding everything for himself.

And I pray - quite desperately - that the same will happen in the hearts of dear friends and total strangers who have yet to experience the joy of complete surrender to Jesus. There will come a day when they will see Jesus and choose to believe that He is who He said He was, and that He can do what He said He can do.

Awesome Acts

When I was in high school (and college, for that matter) my dad had a funny habit of adding adjectives to boys' names who I seemed to be crushin' on. I don't remember all of them, but my prom date's nickname is forever cemented in my brain: Awesome Adam.

I'm sure Adam was, in fact, awesome, but I was unfortunately never able to experience that awesomeness first hand. Prom was a bit of a disaster for me, and I have to honestly admit that it was all my fault. But that is another story for another post. . .

If I was going to follow in my dad's foot steps and add adjectives to proper nouns (lets say, perhaps, books of the bible?) I have decided I would definitely use the word Awesome to describe Acts. Its not only perfect because it starts with an A, but because it is the best word I know of to describe the power, passion, and transformation that the book records.

Have you read Acts lately? If not, I think you should. Start at the beginning, and put yourself in the shoes of the Apostles who are experiencing these wild moments together for the very first time. . . I think you'll leave feeling much the same way I do.

All the believers lived in a wonderful harmony, holding everything in common. They sold whatever they owned and pooled their resources so that each person's need was met. They followed a daily discipline of worship in the Temple followed by meals at home, every meal a celebration, exuberant and joyful, as they praised God. People in general liked what they saw. Every day their number grew as God added those who were saved. Acts 2:44-47 (the message)

Awesome Acts. Need I say any more?

More Free

A few days ago I wrote about the freedom I have experienced through the work of Jesus in my life. Today I am experiencing a different kind of freedom (one that is seriously less significant and life changing, but one that I am lovin' nonetheless).

I have *officially* decided to stop posting links to my blog on Facebook when I write. You see, for the last few months, every time I posted on my blog I would put a link on my Facebook page so that all of my friends and family who enjoy reading my ramblings (but who often forget to check without reminders) would always know when I was writing. . .

But here is the problem with that routine: I always felt an intense pressure to write really fabulous posts so that they seemed worthy of posting on Facebook. Ugh. Pressure.

Sometimes I have profound thoughts (*sometimes* being the important word in that sentence), and sometimes I am simply putting words to the basic & elementary truths that are presently speaking to my soul. . .

It is immensely freeing to be able to process the ponderings of my heart without feeling the pressure of making it "Facebook worthy."

That's all. I'm just feeling excited about that tonight. . . =)

Poolside Reflections

Do you know that there is true freedom in Jesus? Do you even know what that means or what that looks like? Oh, let me tell you, when you experience it you will never want to turn back. Freedom in Christ is better than any liberty you could experience in this world.

I am quite certain that if you spoke to any Christian who has understood and experienced this freedom you would hear story after story that testifies to this beautiful reality. . . The first time I experienced and understood this freedom in a real and tangible way was in Israel. I might have shared this before, but I really love this story - so bear with me as I share it again. . .

We were in Israel together with Matt's parents. There were other youth leaders from all around the world gathering together in Jerusalem for a conference - it was unreal and amazing to see so many nationalities come together and worship Jesus.

There were a few incidents that brought out the reality of my insecurity and my enslavement to other people's opinions. I was shocked to realize how much I was still controlled by those kinds of feelings. . .

And then one day we went to visit the pools at Bethesda. This is the story that recounts what happened there one day 2,000 years ago. . .

Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for a feast of the Jews. Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda, and is surrounded by five covered colonades. Here a great number of disabled people used to lie - the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time he asked, "Do you want to get well?" "Sir," the invalid replied, "I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me." Then Jesus said to him, "Get up! Pick up your mat and walk." At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked. John 5:1-8

On that day I felt the power and presence and tender love of Christ in a way I had never experienced it before. There were guard rails separating us from the actual pools (which, by the way, were not filled with water). It took every ounce of self control within me to keep from climbing over the guard rail so that I could sit at the bottom of the pool. I suddenly - and very tangibly - felt healed of the insane insecurities that had controlled me for so long. It was simply amazing and completely transformational.

I wish I could take each one of you on a little trip to Israel and show you this place in person. I wish we could read the story of the healing at Bethesda and share what struggles in our own lives need the healing power and freedom of Jesus. . . But, since that is probably not going to happen any time soon, here is what this story revealed to me about freedom in Christ on that beautiful day:

1. We are never alone in our struggles. Did you notice that there were a "great number" of disabled people with this man? It is so easy to feel like we are the only ones who have failed, or who continue to struggle with sin. But the reality is that there are many among us who are facing the very same things. . .

2. It makes no difference how long you have struggled or how many times you have failed. This man was an invalid for 38 years, and Jesus still had the power - and the desire - to heal him. I think one of Satan's greatest tools in keeping us from experiencing freedom is Christ is convincing us that we've messed up too many times for way too long. . . We begin to believe that we are unworthy and just unable to actually experience healing and freedom. I hope you see that those words could not be further from the truth. It is never too late to be healed and freed and to then begin again.

3. We have no idea the great extent to which Jesus can and will heal us when we surrender to him. I have to laugh when Jesus asks this man if he wants to get well and the man responds with his frustration over never making it all the way to the pool. Seriously? Do you think he had any idea of what Jesus was about to do? This guy just wanted to get to the pool and Jesus is trying to offer complete physical restoration of his body. Our sight is so limited and our understanding of the powerful ways Christ can work in us is so narrow, isn't it?

You are not alone in your struggles - sinful or circumstantial. There is no struggle or sin too great for Jesus to heal and free you from. The healing that Jesus can and will bring goes far beyond what you can even begin to imagine.

There are still moments in my life when insecurity rears its ugly head, but I can tell you with amazed transparency that it is nothing like it was just 3 years ago. I am a different person - stronger, freer, and so much more comfortable in the skin that God knit together for me. I am what I am. . . and at the pools of Bethesda I realized something profound: I'm ok with that.

Where am I, you ask?

I am cleaning my house. Not at this precise moment, but in many of the moments that have recently passed that has been my activity of choice. I don't know why. I've never had this kind of obsession about keeping things picked up and clean before. It probably has something to do with the recent change in my cleaning routine. A friend introduced me to an environmentally friendly line of cleaning products that requires nothing but water to clean most everything in your house! Simply amazing. . .

But, the point of this blog is not to sell you green cleaning products (although I should just say one more time - they are amazing!!). The point of this blog is to share what God is doing in my life in the hope that it will then draw you nearer to Him as well. So why haven't I written much lately?

I have been cleaning. My house, yes, but my heart as well. I had a great conversation with a friend yesterday who had some encouraging insight into my seemingly strange change in behavior.

It has to do with the fact that for almost 5 years I was living a rather extreme existence. I was pouring myself out in friendships, in ministry, in worship, in writing posts for this blog, and with my kids. I was running at about 100 miles per hour and with little or no time to stop and rest. For the most part, I was loving every minute of it. I'm a social girl, and I seriously love doing ministry and being with friends.

But how long do you think someone can run at 100 miles per hour before they break? How long can we live in ways that - while fun and fulfilling in the moment - do very little to breathe life, and rest, and peace, and comfort to our souls?

I'm not just staying home more often and spending more time cleaning because I'm suddenly obsessed with a clean house. I'm staying home because without even conscientiously recognizing it I am swinging the pendulum the other direction and experiencing a time of rest.

And in this brilliant revelation there is a principle that applies to us all. Sometimes when we are living at an extreme in an area of our life, we need to swing the pendulum and live at the other extreme for a while in order for healing to begin.

I still love ministry, and doing fun stuff with my kids, and hanging out with dear friends. But in this strange period of hermit-like cleanliness I think I've restored some of the energy and passion and joy that was lost in the reckless running I had been doing for years. . . I've lived at the other extreme for a bit, and I'm ready to find the middle ground. I'm not sure what that will look like, but I'm kinda excited to find out. . .

If you're living at an unhealthy extreme today, I hope that you know its alright to swing the pendulum in the other direction for a time and enter a period of rest. I have come to learn that this is where the healing begins. . . But it isn't something we do on our own. We set Christ at the forefront of our minds and hearts and seek to know Him more as we walk through all of it.

You should come over some time. We can talk about the extreme you might be struggling with over a cup of coffee and you can ooh and ahh over my clean house. . . =)

Until then, may Jesus be your guide in it all!